I heard about Jon years before I ever met him. My sister was in Spain and happened to hit it off with a guy from Kansas. I recall her describing him as someone who had already completed the teaching program but was still there "hanging around". Over the next four years, they'd teach overseas for about 9 months, part ways for about 3 months back stateside, and then on to the next country together. It was a fairly long time before she said they were a couple, and they had been living together for years at that point. But I knew. I could tell she liked him by how she'd talk about him and I suspected it was mutual.
With the exception maybe of a few select musicians spanning from Donnie Wahlberg to Duff McKagan my sister was not one to be especially interested in boys and barely tolerated people in general. I think she's far too smart for most of them anyway. And then I met Jon and was like, of course. Of course it's this guy. He is absolutely perfect for her. Dressed all in black, with a beard, a wide brimmed hat, who played flamenco guitar while they traveled the world together. They were a solid team, true partners, while maintaining who they were separately, fully. Marriage and family life was never something my sister was keen on. I remember getting a text sometime in July of 2012. Something like, hey so we're gonna get married when you're all down here. And they went to city hall, got some burgers, and swam at the beach. Sometimes people change when they're in a relationship and I loved how my sister and Jon just seemed to remain who they always were. They were a perfect complement to the other.
I remember that fatherhood didn't change him either.... he sort of just absorbed Sofya and they were one in the same. He was just who she needed him to be and in her was the best of both of them. I am sad and angry that she'll grow up without his physical presence but also know that his wit, humor, intellect, and mischief live on in her....
I wish we had more time. We lost so much time to Covid and raising small humans. I wish that our only adventure wasn't just that one time he drove us to Miami... and I really wasn't sure we'd make it out of that Honda alive.
When we did spend time together, several things were notable. You didn't just sit down and make small talk with Jon. He filled the space with ideas and questions and silliness that was uniquely profound and always tongue in cheek. He didn't answer even simple questions with yes or no but rather a brief commentary on the topic of the question like, "Well that's the funny thing about (whatever you're asking about)" or "In order to answer that, we'd first need to consider...." When we'd get ready to go somewhere and it took too long, he'd grab his guitar and sing this ridiculously catchy song (that we adopted into our own home)...."Just waiting on you, while you do what you do...." I wish I could remember the rest.
There was never any ego, no arrogance, despite knowing he was likely the smartest person in the room. I remember he was usually smiling and always had a mischievous glimmer in his eyes. Sofya has the same glimmer.
I knew Jon hated mornings and vegetables. He'd tell you something was poison if he wanted a particular food for himself. He liked poker, KU, travel, guitar, all things nonsense, obscure and intellectual. I'm pretty sure he's the one who introduced us to Hitchhikers Guide.
He really, really loved my sister and Sofya.
He was both kind and gentle and full of brightness while also being this hard, dark and angsty hermit type. For someone who claimed to despise people and socializing, whenever he spoke it was as if every word were perfectly and carefully selected for maximum effect. He played with pronunciation of certain words (WAH-ter-ME- lon) that forever changed how we referred to things and never missed a chance to say something in another language.
He was on one hand incredibly simple and plain and down to earth while being uniquely odd and absurd and in another realm. He could make you laugh without even being funny or intentional about it. He was both stoic and silly. He was a great story teller and had great stories to tell.
Jon was, is, one of a kind and I'm going to really miss him.
I heard about Jon for years before I met him. And I will keep listening.
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