My brother, Devin, was the eldest. He never had an older sibling himself, but he gave all of his younger siblings that very special privilege. He was the prototype for us, and he bore the weight of being the eldest without ever complaining. The responsibility of being the oldest of 8 siblings is immense, but he found time to be a brother to all of us. You could always count on Devin to bring a smile or make you laugh. There were times Devin was plagued by doubts and felt he might not be an older brother to be proud of, but I will scream from the rooftops until the end of my days how important and impactful he was to me. When I would tell Devin I was proud of him, his immediate response would be “I’m proud of you, bub.” He hated when the conversation would steer towards his accomplishments or well-being, wholly content on focusing on you and ensuring you were taken care of, be it emotionally or physically.

I remember as a child the fire that Devin had in his heart, and the emotions he would wear on his sleeves; at the time I believed it to be a flaw, being the jaded kid I was, but to be honest it’s what made him such a special human being. No person could be as genuine as Devin was and not bare their emotions for the world to see. He was never a good liar, so you could always count on him to give you a straight answer. That kind of honesty and selflessness will never be forgotten.

Before he passed, Devin had set his mind to joining the Army and I was so skeptical at first. I was worried that he would be let down when he would inevitably be rejected–or so I thought. Devin began to work tirelessly to try and do better for himself, and to make his own way in this world. He began to run and do exercises to improve his score for the physical assessment as well as studying for the ASVAB, all while working one of the most grueling and difficult manual labor jobs that I have ever known; despite this, you’d never once hear him complain. If I am being honest, I believe his motivations for joining the army were much more selfless than wanting to improve his situation; I believe he just wanted to give his younger siblings someone to look up to. Little did he know we all already did. His work ethic knew no end. I will think of Devin the next time I have trouble leaving my bed in the morning. I will give pause and think to myself: “what would my biggest brother do?”

I hope he is still here with us, allowing me to express all the emotions I didn’t get to resolve while he occupied this plane of existence–but no matter where he is, he will always be my big brother. He would give you the shirt off his back in the pouring rain and–just to make you feel no guilt–say something like “I needed a shower anyways.” I will continue to live my life in a manner that will honor his legacy as a kind and warm soul. I love you so much my big big big brother. I never told you this enough: “I am so very proud of you.”

You are the greatest big brother.