Sally was a stylish woman who greatly valued her independence.

She loved her family – mother, siblings, children, grandchildren, great-grandchild, nieces and nephews. They were who she wanted to visit – and she usually showed up with a big smile and dessert. Family was who her pictures were of, and what she noted as important when laying out her final wishes. She wrote that raising her children was her “life’s purpose”, and that her family was “everything” to her. Her children clearly knew that they were loved their whole lives. Although some suspect that had she more recently written about who she loved most, her dog Pippin may have been at or near the top of the list. Sally’s self-described “lowest moments” were the loss of beloved family members – her father, daughter, mother, and sister.

Spending time with family was such a priority for Sally that she had few non-family friends until her later years. The main exception was a neighbor in the 1970’s - Joan Christensen. Sally and Joan spent a lot of time together, most of it laughing in Joan’s dining room. Sally and Joan saw a lot less of each other after a move, but Sally was still broken-hearted when Joan passed away in 2005. Afterwards, Sally spent time reminiscing with Joan’s husband Chris, and in 2008 they – having known each other for 40 years - were married.

Sally’s desire to be stylish and independent was very strong. As her former husbands can attest, she could be impatient with anyone or anything that she thought was a threat. In her later years, she strongly resisted each perceived blow – getting glasses, becoming a grandmother, letting her hair go gray, moving to a senior neighborhood, moving into an assisted living facility, giving up cooking, using a cane, using a walker, giving up driving. She endured dozens of surgeries in large part to maintain her independence.

But after holding on to each piece of independence as long as she could, she didn’t mourn them once they were gone. In fact she sometimes discovered, and embraced, new aspects of her changing lifestyle. Most notably, she made and loved many new friends, including Merrill Gardens friends that she and Chris regularly had dinner with. She got involved with her church and loved spending time with the “church ladies” as she always called them. Gaining new friends greatly improved the quality of her life.

One aspect of independence, to Sally, was being in control of what happened, when and how. This was true until the end; she wanted to make sure her belongings were all taken care of before she died so that she knew how everything was disposed of. She wanted to make sure that Chris was taken care of, and she wanted a chance to say goodbye to her family, friends and pets. She passed away just 5 days after deciding that these things were finally done.

We are understandably saddened that Sally is gone. It is OK to miss and mourn her...for a while. But Sally absolutely did not want us to make a fuss over her passing. She wanted us to remember her fondly, but to focus our energy on those still around us. Perhaps the best way to honor her would be to put on a well-coordinated outfit and go visit someone you love – or could become friends with – and bring them dessert and a smile.

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