21st Feb. 2023
Dear Buzz,
It’s been nearly three weeks since our beloved René passed away. Although I’ve been in touch with you, I find what I really want and need to do, as well, is to try to express my memories of our beloved René, and to try to come to grips with this devastating loss. Not that I’ll ever really come to terms with the fact that he is gone. There’s a black hole in my life.
Even trying to begin to write this is horrific. I just cannot imagine that his brilliant life force is extinguished from this earth. The world is somehow smaller, more boring, more banal, – somehow more devoid of hope –, without darling René in it. René had a gift not only for pointing out the inanities and absurdities in the world – and he was always ‘spot on’! –, but, more importantly, one of his most wonderful characteristics was the way he did the opposite: namely, he embraced life equally in all of its facets. He had a uniquely perceptive soul, and was truly open to all of life’s wonders, be they artistic, architectural, natural, musical, literary, or human. A room came to life when he entered it, and everybody was transformed by being in that room with him.
His greatest, most abundant, and most generous characteristic, in my opinion, was his huge capacity for love – he was unstinting and profoundly generous with his emotional life, and the depth of his feeling enhanced everyone who was fortunate enough to be caught in its great light. His unbounded sense of humour – somehow connected with his ability to recognise the ironies and absurdities of life – was unforgettable and contagious. Who, having once heard it, can ever forget his rich baritone booms of laughter? His bursting into song – at times both appropriate and inappropriate? His ability to mimic everyone from Donald Trump (may that monster be cursed forever) to Julia Childs (seen most recently in his Thanksgiving flan video – god, how hysterical!)? Or his unique sense of style, his ability to beautify anything he touched, be it a work of canvas or a woodland garden?
In addition to these aspects of his unique and irreplaceable character, these are some experiences that he and I shared, or things that immediately come to mind when I think about darling René. If I shut my eyes and simply say his name, one of the first images that comes to mind is of colour – the huge swathes of the colours that he captured in his brilliant photographs, canvases and writings. Although his persona, sadly, was very much prone to moments of darkness and despair, he used his creative genius to rise above these moments; and, as I said, when I think of him, instead of darkness and despair I see a uniquely perceptive vision: his photographs of pottery and tilework in Lisbon; or his images, saturated with colour, of Cuba and its glorious natural and human expressivity; his great eye for detail in every single historical monument or building (primarily, but not only, in Europe) that his gaze happened to glance upon; his ability to see the beauty in the everyday and mundane – perhaps a shop-window display, a street scene, lights hanging up in trees skirting an Alpine lake…. How I wish the world had been fortunate enough to be blessed with a volume of his fabulous photographic images – he was by far one of the best photographers I have ever come across, and I don’t mean only the amateurs. And this is only to mention his photographs. A lifetime wasn’t enough for him – he could have been a great photographer – he was a great photographer. But I also remember with great admiration his artworks – sketches, drawings, collages, and of course his paintings. He had more talent in his little finger than most of the so-called artists of the contemporary world. And he was capable of applying so many different styles – another aspect of his mercurial personality, perhaps. I remember his marvellous copy of a self-portrait by Van Gogh – a painting which he so selflessly gave away to that hotel owner in Lisbon. I have no idea whether that hotelier appreciates it as he should.
Over the last couple of years I encouraged him repeatedly to devote himself to his painting – or his creative life more broadly. But we know that there were other demands on his time, too. And in the ‘could have been’ department, his ability to apprehend peoples’ character was flawless – what a sharp perceiver of the human soul he was, and what a great author of its quirks and foibles he could have been. He was so phenomenally gifted as a writer – it just poured out of him; and with a great editor (because every good writer needs an editor, too), there is absolutely nothing that he couldn’t have achieved: poetry, novellas, screenplays, and of course not forgetting his legendary “comments” to the New York Times!
Some of my best memories with him involve looking at art: unforgettable moments in Vienna, or at the National Gallery in DC – he knew exactly what made a painting memorable. He had an instinctive talent for viewing and analysing works of art. He could not only place the artwork in its historical and social context, but he also had an ability to get inside the head, almost, of the artist – to see the world as that artist saw it – and to share that insight with whomever he was with. No wonder his students loved him. What an inspiration he was. I would give anything to stroll through those galleries with him again.
I will never forget how devoted he was to Bianca (“Babel, my light, my love” he always used to say to her). From the moment of her infancy, he was a constant support to both of us, emotionally, not shying away from offering advice in difficult times, yet always doing so with so much love and care. Bianca has been distraught over his death – he was really an uncle to her, and brought her to gales of laughter with his antics and impersonations. He held her in his heart with great tenderness, and she felt that and loved him deeply.
I will also never, ever, ever forget René’s great selflessness and generosity on the occasion of darling Dad’s death; he thought nothing of leaping into his car and travelling hours and hours to be by my side, to help in my hour of great shock and distress. And his support was not only emotional and psychological; this was a time when his great practicality (not always on view!) came to the fore. Stunned and shocked as I was, it was René who made a mental list of what needed to be done on the day before the funeral and the day of it. He took charge, made large-scale images of photos of Dad, took me to Staples and made wonderful poster-boards which were displayed at Dad’s funeral and which darling Mum now has in her bedroom. She looks at them and communicates with them every day. René truly loved my father and understood his qualities – and for that I will be eternally grateful.
He was a great listener for those who were important to him, and I am fortunate to be able to say that apparently I was. Although he sometimes snapped at me (ha! you remember some of our historic ‘fallings-out’!), he basically was always, always there for me, with advice, with laughter, with insights, and of course with love. I remember, Buzz, at our last great falling-out years ago (with both of us probably screaming “I’m never, ever going to talk to that person again!”), you so wisely said, “Oh, you guys will be back in touch again. I give it about 6 months” (or whatever the time frame was) – and you, of course, were completely right, because we simply loved each other. No matter how much of a handful he could sometimes be, the really important things – the friendship, the insights, the laughter, the shared world view, the support and love – were what mattered. The eternal things. Thank God we were always able to forgive each other.
Finally, I want to thank YOU, Buzz, for your unending love and support of René throughout your life with him. Your understanding, compassion, and support – both tangible and emotional – was absolutely fundamentally intrinsic. You provided a solid foundation, both psychologically and in material terms, upon which René could develop and launch into his marvellous flights of fancy, and towards which he could return when his glorious wings had been burned by the brutal realities of a world which often hurt him due to its cruelty. He had a childlike capacity for wonder and he always expected the very best in people; he was often disappointed. But he was never, ever disappointed by or in you – I know this. As much as he might have harangued you from time to time, I know – and you know too – that he loved, admired, and adored you so very deeply. You encouraged and enhanced his great imagination; you enabled his flights of fancy and were there for him when those flights came to an end.
You were his life partner, his soulmate, his lover, his friend. You complemented each other so exquisitely. It’s not that he was the brilliant one and you provided the wherewithal for that; no. You, too, Buzz, with your great understanding, intellect, practicality, artistic vision, and reliability were the perfect partner for our darling René. He told me this often and he loved you deeply.
So, now it’s left to us to stumble forward and bumble through a world which is far less attractive and interesting without his great life force. You are anchored where your family is, thank God – they will be a necessary and ongoing support for you. You will take your walks along the canal, and he will be there with you in spirit, along with Sunny and Moses, and Rebar, at his side. And those of us who loved René will always be there for you, too.
We all hope and pray that he is now, finally, at rest and that his soul is flying with the angels. Although the grief I feel for his loss is devastating, I try to find comfort in remembering all of the wonderful and joyful moments I was able to share with him. He enriched my life in innumerable ways. I count myself fortunate and blessed to have known René Pedraza del Prado, and I will honour his memory in perpetuity, until my dying day.
RIP Little Prince.
With love forever,
Sarah Homan–Cormack
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