There are so many memories from elementary school. I know this for a fact. Martin was always positive and always wanted the best outcome. He worked hard. He wouldn't give up until he understood a concept and there was never any doubt in his mind that he would gain the knowledge from the lesson. He was a winner in every sense of the word. 

I miss Martin more than words can express. He was going to make the world even better, because he was on his way to doing it. 

Matt Morse

6 months. I never know if my days will be dominated by the CPTSD or the grief or both. This week, right as I start to wake up, I could swear to you that I’m in my childhood bedroom. We’re on the farm, my sister is in her bed to my right, Martin and Peter in their rooms down the hall.

I miss you. I can’t say “Martin died” without shaking. I say “my dead brother”because that’s someone who isn’t you. I still talk about you in present tense because of course I do.

I wanted to call you just the other day and ask for your advice and I miss you. I wanted to ask you to call me in the morning to make sure I’m up and I miss you. I’ve gotten to know your friends and hang out with them and I miss you. I meet new people and go to networking events and go to parties and I miss you.

If I stand still too long and think about the reality, suddenly I’m back to the freezing February days where everything stopped and changed forever and I miss you.