Mark in his later years often liked to talk about "Walking the fine line between wisdom and ignorance."  Following up on some of the sharing, I thought I would try to post this very short presentation on Wisdom and Ignorance.  Thanks Susan OConnell for sharing.  

https://www.canva.com/design/…

The Whidbey Island community is fortunate to have had Mark and Muriel choose this place for their retirement.  

I came to know Mark through attending many of his local talks on various aspects of neuroscience.  In 2012, a year after my 10 year old daughter died, I met Mark at a coffee shop for the first time one-on-one. As I reached the table where he sat, he placed both hands on its surface, looked me directly in the eye and asked, "Lynette, how can I help?" It was a simple gesture, yet carried a presence that felt so assuring. That day, I also learned of his deep interest and study of death, grief, loss, trauma, and their impact on the brain. Over the years our friendship grew as we met for coffee or walk- and- talks through the forests of Whidbey. These conversations brought insight and guidance as I continued to process  the loss of my daughter. Along the way I came to see what a generous heart he had. He was unassuming yet a wealth of knowledge with gifts he freely shared. 

He was a connector and introduced me to many people who have become friends both in our community and across the country. He often spoke of expanding brain synapsis, seems that is what he was doing on a community level, bringing people together in a meaningful way. 

Mark left me, and so many others with what I like to think of as "Marxism's", wise memorable gems that could shape how one relates or moves through life. A few that stand out to me and I will continue to pass on...

"Healing wants to happen" (the body and mind are wired for repair and naturally move toward wholeness)

"The big brain question-Are you there for me?" (How contingent communication builds safety, trust, connection and healing.

"Letting go of half loves" (Make space for what really matters)

"Don't let your adrenals be your bitch" (regulating your NS so stress responses don't run the show)

I am inspired by Mark's  generosity and unique way of expressing love. 

My heart goes out to you Muriel and Amanda. 

 I have saved most of the emails he sent me and recently have been revisiting many of them.  I enjoyed rewatching a Youtube link he sent titled: Aaron Freeman-Physicist at your funeral. (In regards to death...) "Your energy has not died and will go on...Not a bit of you is gone, you are just less orderly." 

My heart is broken. I always hoped to see my ex-brother-in-law one more time. He was always so kind to me as a child - taught me to play chess, would play set-back with me and make impossible bids, wake me up in the morning with his guitar and “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”. I’ll always have those fond memories. 

So sorry for your loss.

Dear Amanda, 

I am sending a big hug. I had the joy of knowing you as young girl, but I left the story of Marks life around 1995. I was the director of counseling  at Kara when Mark was there and we both were at CITP together. He was a big thread in my and my husband’s  life when we knew him.  Mark and I even put a large comic/joke book together.  It may have been the start of his auspicious writing career! With this  I got to be a part of his wonderful, quirky humor. I have fond memories of our regular breakfasts together at Hobey’s in Palo Alto when we put it together. 

Ever since we left I’ve held the memory of his beautiful unique spirit close..  I send you love and to let you know how happy I am to learn what a deep relationship you had with him. He loved you so much. Be well. Valerie 

Thank you to everyone for your lovely reflections about Mark.

Mark was my dearest pal. We met more than 40 years ago & taught together in the early years of the “external” distance-learning program at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology.

We became buddies, designing the “hybrid model” for the school, and leading seminars. Debriefing about the mentoring experience. Exploring the birth of the internet, the Well, the Meta network. He taught me so much about listening, relating, and encouraging creative expression.

We worked at Kara in grief counseling–then talked for years about death and dying. Shared lots of grim reaper cartoons over the years. Cartoons across a range of topics!

He came to talk in my classes at SF State. A creative trickster, brilliant writer, an amazing teacher. A fantastic co-teacher. We liked to joke around, play golf, talk about writing and later in recent years screenwriting. He wrote many screenplays (any producers out there? They are incredible scripts).

“A page a day, come what may!” He was always so damned cheerful about writing. His output astounded me– so many blog posts, books, curriculum ideas, endless powerpoints. The first friend to set up his own imprint and do self publishing.

We shared stories about raising our only daughters, Amanda and Maggie. He loved being a dad. When he moved north, we continued to stay in touch & had regular confabs online.

He was so happy to be in the beauty of the northwest, to be with Muriel, the pups and the property. Walks in the woods, working out in town. I only visited once, but could see the ease of well being that came with living there. Thank you Muriel for all of the care and love over many years. Thank you Amanda for being his loving daughter, he always wanted the best for you.

He was a self made man who escaped a crushing childhood. We talked a lot of the years about attachment and childhood trauma. The cycles that were hard to escape, and the teachings that helped us. And then we’d talk about plumbing problems or something wildly unrelated to difficult childhoods.

His Rumi quotes are with me daily: “After nourishment, shelter and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world.”

Mark lived this–as a novelist, a teacher, a skilled listener. A Presence. I have a wooden meditation bench that Mark made for me. This month I will be lighting a candle and sitting on his bench. My in-box has been alarmingly empty this week without regular missives from my pal.

I am  missing him so much. His "beep-bop" greeting on zoom, with "How's Ms. Ruthetta doing today? What's working you?"

But now it’s time to put all of the teachings he shared about death into practice and feel the depth of his Presence, which has been truly  profound in my life.

I have a million memories.  

Mark and I met online after I requested a new mentor in my first year of ITP (2003).  There was nothing wrong with my first mentor, I just knew I had somewhere else to go, someone else I had to be with, and I followed.   From Mark's first response  it was like meeting a friend I had known forever.  The banter and the humor just began.   I remember how deeply I was met, his questions and genuine curiosity.  How delighted he was when I told him that I always got in trouble in groups,  always "bumbling into the bone closets"  (alas, a fellow subersive!).  The presence he showed in his responses.  So Mark and I had unusual rapport.  

When I started my thesis year (Year 3), I remember getting the large binder of how I was to do my thesis and totally freaking out.  What was I going to DO??!!  For some reason, this guy who had been with me every day in email thick and thin for 2 years suddenly disappeared for a MONTH, leaving me with only one question.  "What are your deepest questions?"  I felt so abandoned!   But dang if that question did not lead me perfectly.   I realized that I needed to study non-verbal communication with a group of people who were rarely interviewed on their experience:  the dying.  That is another story.   Mark and I were the two subversive "death people" at ITP.  He mentored me through my project and thesis on presence with non-verbal folks at end of life.   That said, close as we became in three years, I had never met him in person. 

I met Mark in person after graduation, when I was invited to give a talk about my thesis project for an organization in Palo Alto.   I decided to go.  Of course I invited him so that we could finally meet.   Always the protector, he warned me not to expect too many people to show up to this talk.  Then people started coming in.   The room filled.  A few Stanford, high science people showed up.    I had no awareness or expectations, so I just gave the talk.   He was so nervous that they would eat me alive, and so proud when I held my own in that audience of 100+ people.   I only learned later how nervous he was for me.   I remember him beaming in relief at the back of the room like a proud parent.   He was watching for piranhas, even when I did not see the danger.  And that was sort of how he was with me.  A protector I could count on. 

Mark was also a trickster creative.  Other memories that have been coming up are all of the things that would come in the mail.   The book.  The tee shirt.   The telescope.  The notes.  I remember the belly laughs when I would figure out the joke and who it was from.   Most recently, when I was deeply struggling and profoundly under water with the school, I got a purple tee shirt with large, bright pink letters that said "MAKE IT EASY ON JEANNE".   The kindness in that was a life preserver.   

The thing is...we fought.  Or...disagreed.  A lot.  About science.  About healing methods.  About consciousness.  About language.   About what really supports parents.  About the trials of being male and female.   About how to teach about trauma.   About money, and generosity and charging for the help you give people.  More recently about AI.  As I look back I can see that this was one of the main dynamics between us.  To joust like fighting partners.  To toughen each other up, help each other get better, and sometimes to knock each other off of our high horses so we could see better, or at least with a little more humility.  

 There is more.  But my eyes are full of tears....so for another day.  

Every time I start to write, I feel "not ready". I know there will not be a time I feel ready. This loss hit very hard.  Mark was such a gift in the lives of so many, me included. He was an amazing mentor, friend and cheerleader. I came across Marks work while I was training in interfaith spiritual direction. I moved to Whidbey Island part way through my online training program. I still remember the day one of my teachers said "Allyssa, one of the books we are reading is from an author who lives on the Island you just moved to."  I was amazed at the synchronicity and was very much enjoying reading Marks listening book, so I decided to email him.  

Mark wrote back and we soon had a zoom call.  He offered to share some new teachings he had put together and began mentoring and meeting with me on zoom regularly. I was utterly amazed and his kindness, his generosity and all he was willing to share.  I remember the disarming feeling of having someone in my life that was so loving and supportive and asked nothing in return. It was such genuine and unconditioned care, support and guidance.  

Mark offered so much with such humility.  All of this along with his honest, vulnerable, self-reflective way of normalizing and tending to what it means to be human will carry on with me in my cells and in my daughters cells. Mark walked with me through heartache, grief, confusion, growth, and mystery.  He is a soul friend and has made such a deep impact on my life. Sending love and support to all those grieving and celebrating the amazing Mark Brady! 

Hello friends & family of Mark.  A friend of mine just sent me this link to an Instagram post about an 81 yr old psychologist who had a very interesting developing relationship with AI. I was really enjoying the conversations that Mark and I would have about this, and watching the way he was using it as a resource in his own life, and this post reminded me so much of all that.  So for those who are able to open Instagram (I only have it so I can follow why chef son Flynn's food photos!), you might also see this reflection also.  I am today reading a book called "The Craving Mind" by psychiatrist Judson Brewer, and as I got into chapter 1, and 'dependent origination' was mentioned, I thought again of Mark and thought for a moment "Oh, I must email Mark... and see if he knows this book, and what he thought of it (he had almost certainly read anything I happened to be reading haha). And then remembered... 

Oh I will miss our bantering about various readings etc. Just felt to share.  Here is the instagram link:  https://www.instagram.com/p/DNA3XiCNyQv/?igsh=d3h0bXloeGluZnA4