I am reminded of him everyday, I feel him, I see him, I remember him. Things that bring him to the front of my mind and take the spotlight are volkswagens, rock music, big trucks, cigars, patron, crown royal, and bullfight. Everyday I think about how he raised me, and what he raised me to believe in. I am reminded of him when I see my mom on the mantle and the spot that sits empty next to her. Every time i go into my purse I am reminded of him, My mom, and my grandma, I have photograph of the 3 of them that goes with me everywhere my purse goes, I love that the photo found its home there and hasn't left the spot since. I am reminded of him in being the person that I am and how I am the person he wanted for me to be. I am reminded of him everything I see a pushpop, it brings me right back to being on top his shoulders, strolling to the gas station up the street, picking up the push poo and placing it in my hands, being on his shoulders as he walked back. He bought me a pushpop every chance he got like I was 2 until I was 32 and it made me smile the same. I think about my dad in the morning when I wake, and in my prayers before I sleep. I think about him on Sundays and remember the sounds of the crystal cathedral church. I think about him when I walk out to my Lincoln. I think about his memories everyday. I think how he died all alone and that days passed before he was found. I think about his religious beliefs when I remember he was dissected and cut apart. I think about how he wanted to be remembered and buried in the earth. I think about how he was cremation and again left for days. I think about how cruel it was to not allow me to bring him home and to scatter his remains instead never allowing him to be whole or at peace. I think about how much he loved my mom, and the smile on her face the last time she heard his voice and reached out for his beer. I think about what he would say to me to comfort me, now that I have no dad or mom. I think about all the things he blessed when I hold his anointing oil. I think about his life and I mourn his death. I think about how my dad was too cool and his natural swagger. I think about him and much he must have loved me. The last I share on this post is I think about my dad and what his lastwords to me would be. I think about how he felt when he lost my mom, I think about how bad his heart hurt when he said goodbye to his mom. I think about how he saw me through his sparkling blues eyes. I think about I miss them and how his final wishes were disregarded and ignored. I think about how his life and death and what they meant to me