Eulogy delivered at Funeral Mass on August 24, 2024

Good morning everyone, I’m Rod Valdivia, Ruth’s brother. About a week ago, Ruth told me that John had requested that I give the eulogy at his funeral.

My first reaction was: Whaaat!! This was John’s common reaction whenever he heard or encountered something unfamiliar, unexpected, or when something did not fit into his view of things.

These same sentiments were probably at play when Ruth first began to mention John to our family after they met at the May Company in La Jolla and began their relationship 37 years ago.

No doubt it took my parents some effort to accept their daughter’s choice but it certainly wasn’t long before they, and all of us, began to appreciate John’s becoming part of our family. John brought a new fresh way of interacting among us. Openness, genuineness and candor. His willingness to integrate into our family by learning about our traditions and perspective challenged us to become more and more open to his “east coast” characteristics and to his personal life style.

From day one, we recognized that this approach to interaction extended to everyone that John encountered most significantly among our friends and acquaintances but most especially among our extended family members both here and abroad.

The fact that he was significantly older than Ruth, and any of us siblings, made it difficult to slot him in one or the other generation. But that soon became a non-issue. Actually, come to think of it, gave Ruth a distinct position vis a vis my parents and especially my father. John and my father grew to know and respect one another but the emphasis was more on In-law than on father.

I mentioned that they met at the May Co. store in La Jolla. If you get a chance, you should ask Ruth about the true details of how this unfolded but if I remember correctly John was in some sort of supervisorial role over Ruth and he maneuvered for them to work together and one thing led to another after that.

John’s college degree in history was the perfect fit for a job with the California State Lottery shortly after our state’s legislature approved it. Raise your hand if that makes sense to you… Nevertheless, I always felt that this was a blessing in many ways. For one, it resulted in everyone in our family, those old enough to receive them at the time, receiving lotto tickets and scratchers for Christmas every year. Maybe an even more important blessing is that it restricted John, as an employee, from playing the lottery and its many games.

John had the perfect personality for the initial assignments that he got with the lotto. His job at the beginning was to service stores, mostly liquor and convenience stores, that sold lotto. His area was in what we call in this region: East County. And in the East County a great number of liquor and convenience stores are owned or staffed by people from the Middle East. I have no doubt that John’s friendliness and convivial respect contributed to his success in that position and led to his advancement within the California Lotto management structure. John was a casual sort of guy and I remember him struggling with the decision to accept a promotion that required him to wear a tie at work. He certainly struggled more with the thought of having to wear a tie than having to drive nearly 100 miles to Orange County for work when a promotion that required it was offered to him. I was happy to help him get over the tie thing.

I’m sure you know that the Lottery was not the only connection that John had to gambling. I can’t guarantee that gambling did not have some negative impacts in his life but I can tell you that as far as I know most of his gambling activity had a social character and was somewhat benign. No doubt many of you are familiar with the long-standing annual Home Run Pool that was held at Groomer’s. Each year a number of friends and acquaintances from near and far would descend on the Bridegroom household for a day of socializing, catching up and establishing that baseball season’s group bets. A cherished event for all who participated.

Then there was the Del Mar track season. Fortunately, for most of the time there was only one meet per year. Now there are two. During the meet, John could consistently be found at the track in the homestretch pavement two or more times per week. With the Racing Form in hand, he was often accompanied by family or friends that formed his tight social circle.

Our memories of John will always be peppered with anecdotes of his encounters with friends and family members. In particular, we remember how appreciated and loved he became by many of our relatives in Chile after his visits there. John, the quintessential ‘gringo’ made quite a splash among our extended family there even though in the vast majority of cases the language barrier was absolute. And even when he could communicate verbally with some of them, his warm and inquisitive approach easily overcame any prejudices or divergent political perspectives.

Speaking of language barriers, John did teach our family a few new words. One of them came about by an inquiry he had of what a particular dish included. You see, in Spanish the word for mushrooms is pronounced ongos, but it is spelled with a silent H. John had his own way of reading the word which he pronounced “Hongos”. To this day, those of my generation in our family occasionally endearingly refer to mushrooms as “hongos”.

John cared deeply for all of his family members and his many dear friends and was always interested and happy to hear about them. Most of all, John cared for Ruth and Alejandra. I never heard a negative word about either of them from John and am absolutely convinced that he did everything he could promote their well being and make them happy.

John is no longer with us but we can keep our love and memories of him alive. My bet is, when he shows up at the pearly gates, the man with the keys will show him not to a puffy cloud room but to a Sky Box in the heavenly stadium.  All that John will be able to say is Whaaat?