2013, Cayman Islands, West Bay, Cayman Islands
November 29, 2013. Cayman Islands. Anything, everything, in this life, in my next hundred lives, take it, take them all. Can I just have this moment one more time? My baby.
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2020, Billy Goat Trail Section A, Potomac, MD, USA
The same rocks that we went on a hundred times. The same rocks that will still be here a hundred million years later. But I named you after the river. Gone is gone. Gone is not gone unless you let it. Love you my little goat. Love you forever baby.
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2009, Bryant Park, New York, NY, USA
November 26, 2009. Bryant Park, Manhattan, New York. Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade. What do I write to you, on this Thanksgiving Day, my dear James? Holiday season is here. But there was another rain overnight. Sky is gloomy. A few lonely brown leaves still hanging on the branches of the maple tree outside the window, trembling ever so slightly in the late autumn breeze. I am coming up blank. For two hours. Browsing through the photo app, there were so many that happened on November 26. We went for hiking in Billy Goat with several families on this day four years ago, with you as our photographer. Mom and I enjoyed a beautiful surprise breakfast-in-bed, with a fancy and sophisticated three-course menu, served by you, on this day five years ago. We were in Cozumel, Mexico, visiting Mayan ruins on this day seven years ago……..We also took an almost-empty Metro-North train to New York early morning, for the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade on this day, eleven years ago. There were so many first and last on that Thanksgiving Day. I had been cutting your hair since you were born, until that one. But all in all, I only gave you two buzz cuts. The first one was when you were just nine-month old. You resisted the haircut. But when the hair clipper started its buzzing sound, you were shocked, and stayed quiet while I was happily razing your hair away. You refused buzz cut almost as soon as you could talk. Then at that second time, I pranked you. I intentionally pushed the clipper a little too deep at the beginning, then we had no other choice than cutting the hair really short, just like that. You were mad at the stupid dad. But I was smiling behind you. But of course, you didn’t let me cut your hair again ever since. But who has the last laugh? In March this year, you didn’t just cut my hair short. You shaved my head bald. My dear baby. I thought deep and hard. That parade is also the last time you needed to get on my shoulder to see or do anything. You grew up too fast for your old dad, my big boy. Love you forever baby.
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2013, Cruise Ship off Miami
November 24, 2013. Miami. Just after cruise embarkation. First day of your postponed 10th birthday present. My big boy. We were going to take the cruise in August, timed for your birthday. But the passing of grandpa changed the plan. The makeup cruise came late, but came with a blast, on the road, and on the ship. And you, the big brother, took responsibility managing your and your sister’s activities, and keeping a watchful eye on her. Hasn’t it always been like that? Your sister admired you, learned from you, and followed you along always, in playing Lego, in swimming, in hiking, in skiing, and in the streets of foreign cities. James, we are so thankful for having had you for every single day of the sixteen years, our big brother, brave boy, great buddy, beloved son. Love you my angel. Love you forever baby.
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2017, Great St Bernard Pass, Switzerland
November 21, 2017. Somehow the photo app shows me this photo for that day. It should really be August 25, 2017, when you took this picture, at the Switzerland and Italy border crossing off the Alpine drive Great St. Bernard Pass. We climbed the Alps a bit right there as well, where I took one of your favorite photos of yourself, with your camera, under your instruction. That was another one of our crazy itineraries. Two nights and three days. We drove from Venice into Switzerland, and back to Turin for dinner. This was the one crossing back into Italy. Two days before that, not long after we crossed into Switzerland, your sister fell into a sound sleep again. You, always my loyal companion on the crazy roads, were awake, taking into the breathtaking views of the Alps, taking pictures out of the window, and checking on me not to fall asleep at the wheel. I asked you, “James, when do you think Cynthia will grow up.” You said, “That’s what happens when you are the littlest one in the family.” I also remembered when you were just seven, and your sister was four, you would ask your sister to ask me for TV time because you knew I had a soft spot for her. I know I was not completely fair to you. I thought the society is tougher for boys, and I wanted to make you tough. I am sorry James. I should never have tried to mold you into something you were not meant for. I am sorry. Love you forever baby.
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2010, Stamford Museum & Nature Center, Scofieldtown Road, Stamford, CT, USA
November 20, 2010. Stamford Nature Center, Connecticut. That blossoming seven-year-old photographer was busy taking pictures of his favorite subjects, animals, again. Of course, you also wanted to feed her. You have a soft spot in your gentle heart, for the weak, and for the little. The words your childhood friend, Irene, said that day came back from my memory vault. She said you were the most loving person that she knew for little kids. She told us how you carefully looked after her little sister when we went for difficult hikes together. June 28, 2020. We decided to get two little kittens. And I saw on your computer records that you searched up how to raise kittens that day, and the next day. July 7, 2020. First day Milo and Felix got home. And Milo felt from the second floor to the first that evening. You ran to him, picked him up, cuddling him. And then, you pulled out your phone, and began searching. Half a minute later, you relaxed, and told me, “cats can survive a fall of five stories”. James. You cared. You loved. But why…...Love you forever baby.
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2020, Your Study. Your House
November 15, 2020. For almost six years, I could always took a sneak peek at you, at your desk, with your headset, at that corner. No more. Never good at goodbye. But, farewell. Love you forever baby.
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2020, Your Chair. Your Room. Home
November 9, 2020. Another peaceful morning in the court. The rising sun sprays golden rays through the autumn foliage. Some birds chirping outside the windows. Trees all standing still listening. James, do you like the bird mom, your sister, and I picked for you? We thought he is beautiful. We thought you might like him. After deciding on selling the house, the bird is the second big decision we made without you. You were always there for our big decisions as a family. I know you are still. I know you will always be. Milo and Felix are giving us a lot of helps too. This morning, Milo particularly enjoys your chair. One week, James. Love you forever baby.
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2020, Your Window. Your Room. Home
Coming into your room to take a morning snap out of the windows as usual. Milo, quite unusually, followed along, jumped on your desk, then went straight to and sat on your windowsill. He was taking in the peaceful morning view as well. Did he sense something? Will he miss the window, the court, and the road outside the window? Milo was just half as tall when you last saw him. Like you, he grows so fast. And just like you, he likes to run around and play and doesn’t like to be held. But also just like you, he likes to listen to stories. My trick of keeping him in my arms is telling him stories. Yes, James, your little kitten knows a lot about you. Eight days, James. Love you forever baby.
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2010, Blauvelt State Park, Blauvelt, NY, USA
October 30, 2010. A full ten years ago. In Blauvelt State Park, over the Hudson River. There was that seven-year old, who just got his first point-and-shoot camera a couple months back, and started photographing his favorite subjects, animals, in his favorite place, the Bronx zoo. But that day we were just taking a walk in the Blauvelt State Park. The boy was still very much interested in being in front of the camera. It would still be a couple years before he turned camera-shy and was always the one holding the camera. Trying to be fair, we always took equal amount of pictures of you and your sister. But for some reason we took one extra picture of your sister behind your back. And you heard the shutter. And, oh my sweet baby, you demanded ten pictures of you for that. There you were, James. One of those ten. I wished I had taken a hundred. Love you baby.
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