April 10, 2021

Eulogy of James T. Dehn Sr.
By James T. Dehn Jr.

Family and dear friends

Thank you for your love and support and for gathering today to pay respects to my dad.

The last twelve months have been hard. We lost several family members and close friends and we did not have a chance to say goodbye.

Linda, Steve, Mary, Bobby, Josh, Carole, Barbara

And others who are dear to us. We also honor their memories and mourn them today. But we are also blessed and have much to be thankful for. We had a beautiful celebration with dad on his 90th birthday in the Fall; We had the gift of extra time to be with, and care for, dad during his final weeks in home hospice; and we have the opportunity today to celebrate his funeral mass, lay him to rest, and say farewell.

One of the hardest parts about losing dad is bearing the emotional weight of grief. It hits you in waves. It strikes me whenever a good memory pops in my head but then I picture him sick, or right after he died, and I get overcome by sadness. Grief is painful but it isn’t bad. The reason I grieve is because I love him so much. After all, what is grief if not our love persevering.

There is a lot to love about dad and he left us so many indelible memories:

One of Chloe’s favorite stories about grandpa is the time as a young man he decided to venture off one day (and without letting his parents know) and sail a small boat into the Long Island Sound to a lighthouse he had always been fascinate by. Grandpa also would bring Chloe the old lighthouse at Concord Point here in Havre de Grace whenever she spent a week here in the summertime. Their shared connection over lighthouses inspired Chloe to paint a watercolor for mom and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary. The pronounced daisies in the foreground incorporated the symbol that represents his cherished friends from Marriage Encounter. That painting was one of the favorite things he enjoyed looking at in his last days at home.

A favorite memory of John’s was our Father’s Day tradition of going to Orioles baseball games at Camden Yards.

Hannah told me that as a little girl, she just loved to lay on his belly and snuggle. And Teddy, almost every picture I have on my phone of you and grandpa is with you curled up on his lap with both of you grinning and just enjoying the comfort of a peaceful embrace.

Kaytin said that when grandpa used to babysit, she laughed at how he would always try to sneak some ice cream when Ninny wasn’t looking. [In fact, I hear that sales at Brooms Bloom are way down the last two months.]

His dedication to chocolate was unparalleled. In fact, the story of breakfast with Uncle Jim, told by his dear niece Elaine, is part of Dehn family lure. In his bachelor days, when dad payed a visit to his sister Anne’s house, he was up early - as was his routine - and little Elaine found him in the kitchen and asked for some breakfast. Dad looked in the fridge and saw a big piece of chocolate cake which he pulled out to share with her. An astonished, but very pleased Elaine, then came around to Uncle Jim’s thinking when he rationalized: After all, it has all the food groups you need: milk, flour, and eggs.

Mickey, I see so much of dad in you. You mirror many of his qualities. You share his intellectual brilliance, his curiosity, and creativity. And, like him, you are an extraordinarily attentive and supportive spouse to your best friend in life. [And you also robbed the cradle like he did.]

Dede, you share so much of dad’s fun spirit and kindness. Even in stressful or difficult situations, your nature is to find a silver lining and you see the glass as half-full. You also recently reminded me of the dad we knew growing up. As you said, he was fun loving and wasn’t afraid to get down on our level. Burying him in the sand at Ocean City, jumping in the piles of leaves he was raking, playing tennis and swimming laps at Rocks Spring Swim Club—that he always ended with a back float, toes poking out of the water towards the sky, while spouting water from his lips like a drinking fountain. Dad also shared a deep interest in our learning. When we had a question, he wouldn’t tell us the answer (which he always knew). Rather, he would say, “Let’s look that up!” and have us grab a volume from the Collier’s Encyclopedia on the shelf in the family room. He didn’t just feed us a fish; he knew it was more valuable to teach us how to fish on our own.

Although dad was highly educated earning degrees in philosophy, theology and physics, he rarely discussed his accomplishments. His sister Mary said, “Jim was the smartest man I have ever known and also the most humble man I have ever known.”

Dad often said, and sincerely believed, that his kids and grandkids were his greatest accomplishments. Although we always felt loved and sensed his pride, we also appreciated that we were an extension of his marriage to Mom. Mom, for over 50 years, he absolutely adored you and you were always his number one priority. Everyday, the very first thing dad did when he got home from work was head down the hall, find you, and embrace you with a kiss. And when you lingered too long, we would hang on dad’s leg and take turns wedging ourselves in between you.

Dad was also gentle and understanding. Whenever you and Ms. Maureen went on your annual marathon-outlet-shopping-trip to Redding, PA and returned with a car load of shopping bags, dad would never flinch, and would supportively say, “Thank you honey for saving us so much money.”

Dad was also a master of language and some of his most endearing expressions of love are his writings. The box of love letters you keep is an enduring treasure.

One of those letters came from a prompt at a meeting with you Image Group—Write your own epitaph. The exercise is one of self-examination, while you are still living, to reflect on your deeds, your beliefs, what you value most, and how you hope to be remembered. His epitaph is on this memorial card that I carry with me. He said it the best, so I leave you with his own words:

Here lies a man, who loved life, his wife, his family, his friends – A lucky man Blessed by God. Pray for me and thank the Lord.
Bring Peace to the World!