Emily was a dear friend of mine since we met in middle school. We reunited in New York City after graduating from different high schools and colleges, and it was like no time had gone by at all. I can’t express how grateful I am to have had Emily in my life. She was certainly honest and authentic, as she wished to remember being, but she was also so many other things. She was kind, compassionate, empathetic, brave, intellectual, wicked smart, witty, and really very FUNNY. I can’t remember all the details of what she would say to make me laugh, but it’s enough to know that the feeling will stay with me forever. 

Emily once invited me and my (now) husband Michael on a hiking trip in upstate New York. She pitched it to us as an opportunity to see the fall foliage, and she even had an app/tracker detailing when the leaves would be most vibrant as they were changing colors. I am so glad we went, despite there being some areas in which we had to scramble up rocks and an area in which the path was next to a steep drop off. Emily was more courageous than I was and didn’t seem fazed by these obstacles. I’m glad we went, partly because she was right- the trees were beautiful- but also because it gave us a day of smiling, laughing, and exploring together. Also, she got to know Michael better, and it made me happy to know that they were friends, too. 

I feel the need to mention that I am a psychiatry resident. While in medical school almost several years ago and choosing between specialties (neurology or psychiatry), I discussed with Emily what my future might look like. I even discussed my concerns about the field of psychiatry, mainly that there was a lack of biomarkers (such as labs or imaging), and that this may give the field less credibility. Emily challenged the idea that these ambiguities made the field less meaningful, and she opened up to me about her own experience in mental healthcare. Her words are actually a significant reason as to why I decided to pursue psychiatry after all. Throughout the rest of my training in medical school and residency, Emily and I often discussed topics related to the brain such as psychology, psychiatry, and neuroscience. She avidly consumed knowledge and had an advanced education, purely from her own research. I loved that we shared similar interests, but I hate to think that hers may have stemmed in part from a wish to understand her own suffering. 

I’ll always love Emily. I am so glad to know that there are so many others who will too. I would like to extend an offering of support to her friends and family who are reading this. Please take care. 

With love,

Allie

I only met Emily a few times in passing, and I was lucky enough to get to know Alisyn through our mutual friend Heather. One memory I have of Emily was when I went to the Brinkerhoff’s home to say goodbye to Jason during his last days. As I arrived, Alisyn was coming out of the house with her phone on speaker with Emily who had just talked to Jason. I remember hearing her openly crying over the phone. I had spent months suppressing my emotions about the Brinkerhoffs, and it was so refreshing to hear someone authentically reacting to such a sad situation. I also remember thinking how comfortable she was with her mom that she would cry over the phone with her mom listening. After I said goodbye to Jason and drove home, I finally cried out loud. I felt grateful to Emily for showing her emotions.

I loved learning more about her at her memorial service. One thing that stood out was Alisyn saying Emily was a perfect match for their family, and that the family was a perfect match for Emily. I know that’s true. I was so impressed with each family member’s words. The hope and faith of each speaker left such an impact on me, and I have thought of their remarks often. I am so grateful to have been at her service and to feel the incredibly strong spirit of love and faith.

One memory of Emily that has always stuck with me was a young women’s bonding trip to Lake Tahoe. I think Emily might have just started high school and this activity was to help us all brainstorm ideas for activities but also build our relationships with one another. In one part of the weekend we had a talent show. Emily bravely volunteered to go first and she told us she would play a song she had memorized. It was “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles and I remember how impressed I was along with everyone else because we had no clue Emily knew how to play the piano. But she shared she really liked the song and taught herself and I remember thinking how cool and independent and driven she was to just learn it herself. Another part of the trip we shared some hardships we were facing and challenges that made it difficult as young teens growing up. It was this time issues such as race, inequality, socioeconomic hardships were brought up. And then Emily spoke. She shared how although she couldn’t relate to racial, inequality or socioeconomic hardships or other challenges some of the other girls were facing she said she sympathized with them. And that although she couldn’t relate to those issues it didn’t mean she didn’t have problems of her own. She shared how she couldn’t explain but she had her own challenges and it was in that moment that I know everyone else could appreciate her vulnerability and honesty in sharing that with the group. She changed a lot of people’s perception of her that trip but also showed her quiet and fierce support as a friend and fellow young woman in this journey of life and all its challenges  

At the time I don’t think I fully understood the impact of what she shared with us meant but I will always remember her for being fiercely driven and self motivated. I will remember her empathy and spirit of friendship. I will remember her vulnerability and strong sense of honesty and understanding. 

I got to watch Emily grow up and she was truly an independent and beautiful young woman. You will be dearly missed Emily.