A Eulogy for Moms

Thank you everyone for traveling long distances and joining us online tonight on April 16, 2026 for this solemn occasion to remember the life and memory of my mother, Editha Tolentino Nazareno. Before I begin, please make sure all of you have tissues readily available and it’s within easy reach because this will be a tear jerker. And, we all know how this story ends. So, here we go.

Moms was the middle child of 6 siblings, 3 girls and 3 boys. She was also the last Tolentino to join her Heavenly family. In the order of their passing, the Tolentino family included Tito Raul, Lolo Aloy, Lola Rosario, Tito Art, Tito Fred, Tita Fe, Tita Alda and finally our moms, Editha.

For those who do not know me, I am Elmer, the eldest of her 4 sons. We 4 sons lovingly called her Moms (plural instead of singular Mom). We don’t know who started it or why we used the plural version. But reflecting on her life as I wrote this eulogy, Moms plural is the most fitting term of affection we give her because she had so many roles that she played throughout her lifetime. She was the loving Mom who did everything she could to provide, raise and support her 4 sons and grandchildren.

She was also the strict disciplinary Mom who would grab the nearest object and throw it at you if you misbehaved. She was the devoted wife Mom who quietly suffered alone. And she was the guiding Mom who would listen to our problems and call us “stupid” whenever we didn't follow her advice. Moms wore many different hats for each of us. She was a wife, mother, grandmother, aunt, sister-in-law, friend, and godly servant. And Moms will always remain in the center of our hearts as the loving and guiding light of the Nazareno family.

As the loving and guiding Mom, Ermin and Ernie would always first seek her guidance and support. Whether it was family issues, job issues or money issues, Moms would always listen and provide guidance to them. Elvin and I, on the other hand… we were the total opposite. We would just go do our own stupid things first and then get lectured by Moms afterwards. There were so many times when we disagreed with each other that we even ghosted one another. Moms always had strong pride, strong beliefs and a strong temper. When you opposed her and got her mad, she would shut you out, literally. And, it pains me now to think about all those little petty arguments and insignificant disagreements we had over the years that caused us to drift apart emotionally. But during her last days, I apologized, I cried and we mended our broken hurts knowing that love was always there between us.

Moms treated all 4 of her sons equally. She had no favorites because, honestly, we all disappointed her in one way or another. I, more so than the other brothers. And, we all had our share of slaps, spanks, and objects thrown at us. Growing up in the 70s and 80s, nobody called child protective services when children were disciplined. Getting slapped and spanked in public was acceptable practice back then. But now that we’re adults, we no longer remember what stupid thing we did wrong or what was thrown at us. Now when we remember those times, we understand those events as Moms showing us her tough love to shape us to become a better person.

One of my biggest regrets, and I have many, is that when she was still alive I never thanked her in person for being my Moms. She wasn’t just Moms to the 4 of us. She was our guide, our life coach, our greatest cheerleader and our strongest protector. And, we 4 sons are her pride, joy and love. Moms was strong willed, smart, supportive, sharp-tongued, sweet, stubborn and very secretive. In 2022, her doctors informed her that she had cancer and only had, at most, 5 years to live if she did not treat the mass growing on her right lung. Being stubborn as she was, she refused treatment. No biopsy. No surgery. No chemo. No radiation. And she kept the diagnosis to herself until she shared it with us last summer.

Can you imagine? For 3 ½ years, Moms was silent. She kept this secret to herself and made all the necessary preparations by herself…alone. She wanted to be the strong Mom and protect her family from the ticking time bomb that was growing inside her.

Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve. Those words repeat constantly in my mind. If I knew her time would end so soon, I would have called her more often and told her I love her more often. If I knew her time would end so soon, I could have visited her more often and treasured her presence more often. If I knew her time would end so soon, I should have attended family gatherings more often and hugged her more often… if I only knew her time would end so soon.

Saying goodbye to Moms is very difficult for so many of us here tonight. When she told us last summer that she had cancer and that she would not make it to her 83rd birthday, we all thought that she would still have at least 2 more years to celebrate her life with us. But, the mass on her lung grew to the size of a baseball and made it difficult for her to breathe. Also, the 2 minor strokes she experienced last month were all so sudden. In a blink of an eye, the 2 years that we thought we would still have with her became 2 very short heart wrenching weeks. So, it was a complete shock to the family when Moms was at the hospital last month for a week. We listened, we argued and we pleaded with the doctors to treat her symptoms and we yelled at them to do something, anything, just to give us more time with Moms. But, the doctors already knew her wishes from back in 2022. She did not want surgery or a painful biopsy. And, she did not want to experience the painful side effects from chemo or radiation treatments. Her lasting instructions to her doctors was to not endure pain and to not suffer anymore. So, the only advice the doctors could give us was to make Moms as comfortable and pain free as possible during her remaining days at home hospice.

Play snippet of Dr. Brown conversation…start at 9:00 minutes in Stanford Hospital

It is heart breaking to realize now how much Moms was silently suffering alone on a daily basis for so many years without her family knowing. But, God was always with her during her lonely suffering. He is the one true constant in her life and her deep Catholic faith gave her the strength to continue living on for her sons. Hebrews 13:5 reads “Let your behavior be without avarice; be content with what you are offered. For he himself has said, ‘I will not abandon you, and I will not neglect you.’ Every day, Moms prayed to Mother Mary, to Santo Nino, and to God for freedom from her suffering. Having her entire family travel together last summer on a pilgrimage to Rome during the Jubilee year and walk together through the 4 Holy Doors was the pinnacle and highlight of her life. Bringing her whole family closer to God was her last testament to Him for always being by her side… through all her hardships in life, through all her small victories and through her silent illness. He was always with her. But, we did not expect that pilgrimage trip to be the last family trip we would ever get to spend together with Moms.

During her final week with us, her mind was still sharp but she could no longer communicate with us as her body slowly became weaker. In her last 4 days, she would only moan and sigh. She did not eat and she barely drank. We took turns watching over her all day and all night, dosing her with morphine and trying to make her as comfortable as possible. We tearfully wiped the tears from her eyes as she silently stared at us, unable to speak, knowing that her life on earth was coming to an end. And in the morning of Saturday March 21st, God took away all of her suffering and Jesus welcomed her home. Even though we still needed her and wanted her to continue living with us, it was God’s plan to take her to His house after she gasped her last breath on that tearful quiet morning.

Tonight marks 26 days since Moms’ passing in the year 2026. And this coming April 26 would have been her 82nd birthday. I don’t know the significance of the number 26 repeating itself. But, I thought I’d throw it in here just to give everyone a break from crying. Actually, I did google it and 26 is the numerical value of the letters that spell Yahweh, the Hebrew name of God. While her sudden absence leaves a big hole in each of our hearts and the tears continue to roll down our face, her legacy of love and looking up to God will always inspire us every day.

Dear Moms, Thank you for being our Moms and influencing us to follow Jesus and teaching us to give all our troubles and praises to God. He will never leave us or forsake us. During your final 2 weeks on earth, forgive us for being selfish as we prayed and we begged God to give you more time with us. 26 days ago, we just weren’t ready to let you go. And we didn’t want to face a tomorrow without you because we still have so many moments we wanted to continue sharing with you. There will be no more family trips, no graduations, no weddings to share with you. We’ll never know why God needed to take you right away or why Heaven needed you more than us. But instead of arguing with God and being angry at Him for taking you away from us so soon, I thank Him. Thank you God for finally saving Moms from her long silent suffering and thank you God for finally giving her peace.

Dear Moms, you are finally free now and you are safe and at peace in His arms. No more pain and no more suffering alone anymore. We weren’t ready to say a last goodbye to you when you were still with us and we are still struggling to say one last goodbye to you tonight. Although we will continue to grieve inside whenever we think of you, we will be okay. We will be okay because we know that you are finally free and at peace. Whenever we think of you Moms, our hearts will continue to ache and our tears will continue to fall. But we will keep on living each day, one day at a time, taking in one breath at a time, because you taught us to be strong. You taught us to face the future with God always at our side. And, we will continue to be strong and keep on living until the day we take our last breath and are with you Moms, together again.

I now know that there is no other love like a mother’s love for her child. Moms, you kept us safe in your womb for 9 months to prepare us for this broken sinful world. And, you raised us and nurtured us for 58 years to prepare us for a future world without you in it. Thank you Moms. We are so proud to be your sons and happy to have been loved and raised by you. We love you and will always cherish you in our hearts and in our minds. Until we see each other again in God’s presence… Moms, this is one last goodbye from all of us.

Now, I would like to play a song for everyone to listen to as I stand next to Moms to share a final goodbye moment with her.

Play song “Heaven Needed You”

https://www.youtube.com/watch…