My husband called me early on Saturday morning to tell me the news of Dawn’s passing. By the time the afternoon rolled around, the shock had started to wear off and a variety of emotions set in. Grief, anger, and most notably, a feeling of injustice. I asked myself the question that most Christians do in these circumstances: Does God know how much death hurts us? Does he care?
And just like that, a memory stirred. Dawn gave me the answer. In fact, she had given it to me over a decade ago, in Youth Group.
When I was an upperclassman in high school, Dawn was often the leader of our small group discussions. Though this usually meant we would go long, I didn’t mind. I grew up with nightly Bible studies in my family, so by the time I was nearing the end of high school, I was believed (very mistakenly) that I knew scripture in and out and there wasn’t much more for me to learn (lol). But Dawn had a way of consistently challenging that.
One week we had just read over the story of how Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. I think that you can tell a lot about a person by how much they can think about and elaborate on a single verse. In this case, it was probably the most difficult verse to elaborate on: John 11:35, “Jesus wept.”
Two words. Pretty straightforward. And yet Dawn asked, “Why do you think Jesus wept?”
At first, it seemed like low-hanging fruit. One of us piped up, “we all cry when someone we love passes away. We’ll miss them.”
Then Dawn got this glimmer in her eye. “But what happens next in this story?”
We all looked at each other. “Jesus raises him from the dead?”
“Right. So, do you think Jesus was crying because he missed him? Do you think he was mourning for someone he knew was coming back in a couple minutes?”
I was struck. When I looked at it this way, what had been so straightforward was suddenly nuanced. Yet John had recorded it, short and simple. Jesus wept. I just didn’t know why.
“I have to wonder,” Dawn started, “if Jesus was watching Mary and Martha grieve their brother. I wonder if he was watching Lazarus’s friends cry over his tomb. And I wonder, if in that moment, Jesus felt not for Lazarus, but for those left behind. Jesus saw firsthand the grief and the pain that death brings, and maybe that is the reason Jesus wept.”
This small shift reframed that story for me. And each time I read it, I remember that night in youth group when Dawn reminded me that there’s a reason we’re told to mediate on scripture day and night. A straightforward answer may only indicate that we haven’t spent enough time with it yet.
But I think it’s also important to note that Jesus didn’t just cry. He was a man of action, and he was not content letting death be our tormentor forever. Dawn gave me the answer to the question of whether God knows how much death hurts us. Jesus gave me the answer to whether he cares. John 3:16 tells us that God sent his only son to defeat death forever, because he loves us. Death is not the end for us, and it’s certainly not the end for Dawn.
As C.S. Lewis once wrote, “Now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”