Babe I love you more than you will ever know and that's what you always said to me. And I wish we had the time that I could have known. That emptiness sadness and anger I feel right now are surreal. I am lost on where I go from here. We had a plan and it wasn't much longer until it took effect. Unfortunately you went somewhere and never wanted to go or didn't it this year and it ended with you losing your life. I don't know why you would change your mind and decided to go up there but I know it wasn't your idea. The anger I feel is insane and it's not directed to you or even the driver of the truck but to someone you had faith in and they violated that trust faith that you put in them. It angers me for the blatant disregard they have for your wishes. And I am so sorry that I am not able to do anything to honor them. I tried but it's talking to a brick wall or somebody that is so set in their ideology they refuse to imagine the possibility that they're wrong. All I can do is honor you in my own way and teach Layla about you and fishing. She says she misses you and in all honesty so do I. The last time I saw you was on my birthday. And that's the memory I'll never let go of from you singing criminal in the bathtub to the or tender moments we shared that night. My wishes and dreams that we shared and how they were brutally taken from us by not just your passing but by other people.
I miss you more than you ever know I'm sure you do that. I know you know what's going on and I know you know after blatant disregard about the gift that you got me. There is zero understanding compassion or empathy from that person. If I could call them that. I am not able to receive it because of that. I was right in calling them that instead of by their name. I wish that it would have been different. Because I know how happy we would have been together again that was proven by every weekend we spent together. I know the truth and I'm not blind enough to get manipulated by lies. I knew you better than anybody better than them. I loved everything about you even the bad and all the good everything. I always said unconditional love babe take the good with the bad and I did. And you did too I was not easy. I feel empty and I'm lost I'm so lost without you. I just wish it would have been different I wish they were a better person and realize that it's a falsehood that they're presenting. I wish people could see an open their eyes and realize that the depth of our feelings for each other was more than skin deep and was a connection that neither one of us could describe. I wanted to be there for you every sense of the word and I know you wanted me there too. At the end your eyes were opened to the pattern that had happened and had emerged again you were ready to give up and somehow you didn't and you're the strongest person I've ever met in my life to put up with so many years of shit. But I'm glad that I got to give you at least a couple years of good memories and good times and a lot of love I love you more than I love myself and I would have gladly taken your place for you to stay here , I love you in this life and beyond I hope to see you soon