Photo Shoot: Between Two Nerds

Hey, buddy. I don't where else to put this, but it has to go somewhere. Maybe you'll see it while you sit at a lovely celestial tiki bar waiting to chat with Feynman or Kurosawa. But I miss you. I miss you every day. There are so many times I want to text you a funny meme or something related to a private joke we had. I lost my best friend, and it hurts like hell. The truth is, I feel horrible for not reaching out more during the pandemic, and I hate the thought of you thinking I didn't love you. I did. I do. I could blame it on life, I could blame it on work, but the blame falls on me. I just cannot get past this pain. It comes in waves, but it is always there. I hope that now, with you in a place of peace and oneness with the universe, that you can forgive me and remember how we laughed, how we supported each other, how we were so comfortable with each other. You were there for me in my darkest moments and happiest days, and I could have been a better friend. I will always remember you with your smile, your hat, your incredible laugh. And I hope that when we see each other again that you will accept me back as your friend. I never left; I just got lost. I could really use a Colin hug right now. I love you, my friend. I always will.

Jess and Colin host music mogul, Lawni Belle. — with Jessica Grant

Colin and Adam the Ukulad at the ren Faire. So fun.

Halloween: which always makes me think of Colin.

When Lei and I were engaged, a friend held a party to celebrate, and Colin brought his party self, as always.

I rode my bike from San Francisco to Los Angeles for AIDS LifeCycle, and Colin was there to welcome me home. He even held my bike for me.

So bummed I cannot attend this event to celebrate such a special man! 😔 

Colin will leave a big empty space in our community and in my heart ♥️ 

Colin as Ukulady roadie after one of the LAVA shows at Clifton's. — with Evil Sandwich

Colin playing mother of dragons with Raziel (aka Monster) in her hatchling form. Colin was a big fan of everyone's pets, even the naughty ones.

Colin would hate that I posted such a candid photo, but here he is on his 50th, which was a lockdown birthday. He didn't want to celebrate but Dawn and I brought a wee party to him.

Colin looking festive at Jess + Ruairi's NYE party.

Crew dev lunch at IHOP with Filippo and Jeremy. — with Filippo Beccaria and Jeremy Tani

Halloween 2008 at Crew, where we first worked together.

Colin mid-pour at afternoon high tea for my 40th birthday. With Shanti and Dawn. — with Dawn Daniels and Shanti Agin

Colin leaving one of the cemeteries in Auckland I dragged him into with me while I took photos. I appreciated that he was along for the ride and found it fascinating instead of morbid. At this point we are discussing the many weeping angel statues we saw and how they were going to follow us home. Here he is saying something uber nerdy like "But YOU took photos of them when you KNOW that an image of an Angel is itself an Angel. I dont want to be around when that film is developed."

Colin picking up fish he has no intention of purchasing at the Auckland Fish Market. We had such a good morning there looking at all the crazy stuff that comes out of a different ocean and strolling along the boardwalk. Colin kept doing the voice of the robot in Logan's Run "Fish and plankton and protein from the sea".

Leron and I had the privilege of meeting and becoming Colin's friends in September 2013, in Auckland, New Zealand, when he joined Jessica, to surprise Leron on his 50th birthday. 

I remember a beautiful individual, full of charm and wit, with such an infectious smile and laugh. I thoroughly enjoyed having him around and being on holiday/vacation with him and continued to stay friends over the past 9 years through the means of Facebook.

We both are so saddened that this amazing human has left the world. He will forever be in our hearts and minds. 

Love to his family and friends at this time. 

When Colin and Jes came to New Zealand to surprise Leron for his 50th. — with Leron Gittens-Arnold, Jessica Grant and Colin Robb

Feeding a luxurious red panda at Auckland zoo

It’s taking me a while to start to have words about Colin. For many years he was my sweet beloved. For many years before that, he was my dear dear friend. I met him somewhere around the end of faire 1992, when he still had long hair and rode a motorcycle, not long after his divorce.

Colin was the most brilliant man I’d ever met, both in breadth and width of his interests and expertise. We talked, mused, played in the real, theoretical, and the imaginary, across topics to the edges of our languaging limits. I adored him, every cell of him, and for some reason, he adored me. I am humbled by the love he offered, his gift of seeing people around him into their shininess. And I owe him quite a bit for his dogged years, searching for the voice he sensed in me; which once found, allowed me to begin an evolution into something that led me into the now, into compassion and connection as a way. I hope I returned him even a fraction of the gifts he shared with me. I failed in many ways, unable to see, much except in hindsight. I saw him in his dark sadness, I saw him in his light, and in every aspect, he shone. In my experience of Colin, he was a scintillae, a “spark of stellar essence” (CG Jung, CW14, para 42), and like Dante, “just such am I having lost nearly all the vision itself, while in my heart I feel the sweetness of it yet distill and fall...So dazzling was the splendour of that ray…. I saw within its depth how it conceives all things in a single volume bound by Love, of which the universe is the scattered leaves,” (Dante Alighieri from The Divine Comedy, as quoted in Ferrar & Star, 1991).  Love you, miss you Colin.