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In memory of
Patrick LeRoy Dunbar
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Background
Patrick Dunbar recently passed away after a long battle with multiple health issues. His desperate state led him to taking his own life. This was despite the love of his grandson Cade, son Ryan & family.
My dad was a loving and dedicated father and husband. I have so many fond memories of him coaching me growing up and the good times we had watching games together. He loved sports in a pure way that is not seen often.
With Patrick’s passing, my nephew, Cade; lost his caregiver. Cade was adopted by my mom & dad (Patrick Dunbar) soon after he was born to ensure he had a loving and healthy home environment after realizing their daughter & Cade’s father weren’t equipped to raise their son.
While I am grieving losing my dad, I also now have the increased responsibility of caring for his grandson he left behind. I will honor my father’s memory by doing my best to care for Cade. He is a very loving and kind young man. He is impressively intelligent in some areas of life while in other areas he is very simple and innocent and requires assistance.
We all know how prevalent it is these days for grandparents to raise their grandchildren. My parents did the best they could but it became a bigger challenge when Cade was diagnosed with Autism. It took years for him to work through a myriad of challenges. During this time, his grandmother was slowed down by dementia and eventually passed away in 2018 from Alzheimer’s. Then after Cade’s mother was able to get her life in a good place and begin a new start with Cade, she passed away to colon cancer in 2020.
His grandfather was all he had left as a full-time caregiver while I tried to assist from afar while working and raising my own family. Last year my dad came down w/ a rare illness that led to one of his vocal cords being paralyzed. This prevented him from eating & speaking so he had a feeding tube and worked on getting it better through physical therapy at a short-term rehab facility.
During this time, I did my best to assist in helping Cade live on his own in his grandparents’ house. He was finally starting to thrive by cooking & cleaning for himself. He was now focusing on his own health by cutting out processed foods and adding physical fitness to his daily regimen. He was comfortable in ordering groceries delivered online so that made all of our lives easier considering the distance between us along with my work travel.
Like so many folks with autism they have so many skills that never fail to impress. We were so proud of Cade for holding down the household until his grandfather could be released to go home. It was a relief for my dad to finally be home. He soon was able to eat solid foods although still needing to have his meds crushed up as he still struggled to fully pass his swallow test. My daughter & her husband were able to help with this.
Soon, my dad seemed to lose hope. He kept focusing on how he was now 81 years old and in bad health. The reality was he wasn’t in that bad of physical condition if he’d only work on his swallow exercises and eat more. Additionally, we urged him to seek professional counseling for his mental state.
Instead, he continued to drop weight complaining of upset stomach and not being able to handle anything but extremely bland foods. He had just gotten his second cataract surgery completed and seemed to be in better spirits. He would soon have an improved quality of life with his sight returning to normal. He knew he had a doctor’s appointment coming up. At his last visit, his HCP warned him that if he kept dropping weight, they may have to consider a nursing home. Looking back, this may have scared him and he may have been dreading his upcoming visit.
On January 18, 2024, I had accompanied my wife to a surgical procedure. Our son was going to come pick her up so I could travel to Cabot to take dad to the eye doctor & then to physical therapy later that day. I thought I should give Cade a heads up that I would be there in half an hour to pick up dad.
Cade got my text and went to alert my dad (his grandfather) to my ETA. I’ll never forget what happened next. Cade called me and in a whimpering voice told me that “Grandpa is dead”. It was surreal. He went on to explain what he found in my dad’s bedroom. I immediately tried to calm him down and assure him that I’d be there shortly but would call 911 in the meantime.
I couldn’t fathom what was going through his mind as this was a trauma he will never un-see. After asking if he felt like he could check my dad’s pulse to see if he was still with us, he replied that by the look of the self-inflicted gunshot wound, he was no longer with us.
I have speculated that my dad meant for me to be the one who found him but I sent that text and it changed everything. My dad knew I was picking him up that morning & that my daughter & her husband weren’t scheduled to stop by to help with his meds that day so he could be assured that they’d be spared of the trauma that Cade walked into. I so wish it had been me instead of Cade who discovered that grisly scene.
After my mom passed, my dad dropped the ball on getting Cade situated in the event of his passing. This fell to me about a year ago as I’ve been navigating the labyrinth of social services trying to get him qualified for Developmental Disabilities Services which would ensure he’d be taken care of for the remainder of his life.
Unfortunately, the timing of my dad’s suicide put us all in a tough spot. The bedroom where my dad took his life requires professional biohazard cleaning. My dad’s Social Security income, healthcare annuity and VA income will all soon stop. His grandfather’s home is paid off but Cade’s disability payments wouldn’t cover the monthly expenses and property taxes required to own the home. So, our goal right now is to find him a place to rent near us. Add the fact that he doesn’t want to be reminded of the awful event he discovered in that house & the best immediate solution is a one year lease on a small rental house near us. He immediately fell in love with this humble house so we hope to be able to rent it for him. His disability income is modest and comes close to covering his monthly expenses with this house but he will require some supplemental help to live there. We thought that our friends and family might want to help him instead of sending anything like flowers to express sympathy in the loss of my dad. We will do whatever it takes to provide for him but he is young and still has a lot of life left and we want to make sure he is cared for long term. Eventually he will likely be approved to live in a group home at no cost but there is a lengthy waiting list for this and we want him to have a place he loves while he is waiting. He has plenty of furniture and household items to fill a rental home but will be a little short each month on groceries and utilities. We will no doubt help him but wanted to offer this to anyone that wanted to help him at this time. Not to be left out, he yearns to be reunited with his sweet dog, Lucy.
I’m so sad over the loss of my dad, but honestly I’m a little angry at the same time. I am choosing to remember him as the person he was before his mental health declined to a point where he thought that taking his own life was the only way to escape the mental anguish he suffered from. I urged him to get help but couldn’t make him do it. Please seek help if you are feeling like he did. There’s no quick fix but I know the pain of mental illness can be lessened through medicine, counseling, support groups, and most importantly through God’s strength. Never stop seeking ways to deal with the hurt you feel.
If you can help out with Cade’s living expenses, he and my family will be eternally grateful. Thank you.
Finally, at this time; we will not be doing a memorial service. We hope you understand. Contribute
My dad was a loving and dedicated father and husband. I have so many fond memories of him coaching me growing up and the good times we had watching games together. He loved sports in a pure way that is not seen often.
With Patrick’s passing, my nephew, Cade; lost his caregiver. Cade was adopted by my mom & dad (Patrick Dunbar) soon after he was born to ensure he had a loving and healthy home environment after realizing their daughter & Cade’s father weren’t equipped to raise their son.
While I am grieving losing my dad, I also now have the increased responsibility of caring for his grandson he left behind. I will honor my father’s memory by doing my best to care for Cade. He is a very loving and kind young man. He is impressively intelligent in some areas of life while in other areas he is very simple and innocent and requires assistance.
We all know how prevalent it is these days for grandparents to raise their grandchildren. My parents did the best they could but it became a bigger challenge when Cade was diagnosed with Autism. It took years for him to work through a myriad of challenges. During this time, his grandmother was slowed down by dementia and eventually passed away in 2018 from Alzheimer’s. Then after Cade’s mother was able to get her life in a good place and begin a new start with Cade, she passed away to colon cancer in 2020.
His grandfather was all he had left as a full-time caregiver while I tried to assist from afar while working and raising my own family. Last year my dad came down w/ a rare illness that led to one of his vocal cords being paralyzed. This prevented him from eating & speaking so he had a feeding tube and worked on getting it better through physical therapy at a short-term rehab facility.
During this time, I did my best to assist in helping Cade live on his own in his grandparents’ house. He was finally starting to thrive by cooking & cleaning for himself. He was now focusing on his own health by cutting out processed foods and adding physical fitness to his daily regimen. He was comfortable in ordering groceries delivered online so that made all of our lives easier considering the distance between us along with my work travel.
Like so many folks with autism they have so many skills that never fail to impress. We were so proud of Cade for holding down the household until his grandfather could be released to go home. It was a relief for my dad to finally be home. He soon was able to eat solid foods although still needing to have his meds crushed up as he still struggled to fully pass his swallow test. My daughter & her husband were able to help with this.
Soon, my dad seemed to lose hope. He kept focusing on how he was now 81 years old and in bad health. The reality was he wasn’t in that bad of physical condition if he’d only work on his swallow exercises and eat more. Additionally, we urged him to seek professional counseling for his mental state.
Instead, he continued to drop weight complaining of upset stomach and not being able to handle anything but extremely bland foods. He had just gotten his second cataract surgery completed and seemed to be in better spirits. He would soon have an improved quality of life with his sight returning to normal. He knew he had a doctor’s appointment coming up. At his last visit, his HCP warned him that if he kept dropping weight, they may have to consider a nursing home. Looking back, this may have scared him and he may have been dreading his upcoming visit.
On January 18, 2024, I had accompanied my wife to a surgical procedure. Our son was going to come pick her up so I could travel to Cabot to take dad to the eye doctor & then to physical therapy later that day. I thought I should give Cade a heads up that I would be there in half an hour to pick up dad.
Cade got my text and went to alert my dad (his grandfather) to my ETA. I’ll never forget what happened next. Cade called me and in a whimpering voice told me that “Grandpa is dead”. It was surreal. He went on to explain what he found in my dad’s bedroom. I immediately tried to calm him down and assure him that I’d be there shortly but would call 911 in the meantime.
I couldn’t fathom what was going through his mind as this was a trauma he will never un-see. After asking if he felt like he could check my dad’s pulse to see if he was still with us, he replied that by the look of the self-inflicted gunshot wound, he was no longer with us.
I have speculated that my dad meant for me to be the one who found him but I sent that text and it changed everything. My dad knew I was picking him up that morning & that my daughter & her husband weren’t scheduled to stop by to help with his meds that day so he could be assured that they’d be spared of the trauma that Cade walked into. I so wish it had been me instead of Cade who discovered that grisly scene.
After my mom passed, my dad dropped the ball on getting Cade situated in the event of his passing. This fell to me about a year ago as I’ve been navigating the labyrinth of social services trying to get him qualified for Developmental Disabilities Services which would ensure he’d be taken care of for the remainder of his life.
Unfortunately, the timing of my dad’s suicide put us all in a tough spot. The bedroom where my dad took his life requires professional biohazard cleaning. My dad’s Social Security income, healthcare annuity and VA income will all soon stop. His grandfather’s home is paid off but Cade’s disability payments wouldn’t cover the monthly expenses and property taxes required to own the home. So, our goal right now is to find him a place to rent near us. Add the fact that he doesn’t want to be reminded of the awful event he discovered in that house & the best immediate solution is a one year lease on a small rental house near us. He immediately fell in love with this humble house so we hope to be able to rent it for him. His disability income is modest and comes close to covering his monthly expenses with this house but he will require some supplemental help to live there. We thought that our friends and family might want to help him instead of sending anything like flowers to express sympathy in the loss of my dad. We will do whatever it takes to provide for him but he is young and still has a lot of life left and we want to make sure he is cared for long term. Eventually he will likely be approved to live in a group home at no cost but there is a lengthy waiting list for this and we want him to have a place he loves while he is waiting. He has plenty of furniture and household items to fill a rental home but will be a little short each month on groceries and utilities. We will no doubt help him but wanted to offer this to anyone that wanted to help him at this time. Not to be left out, he yearns to be reunited with his sweet dog, Lucy.
I’m so sad over the loss of my dad, but honestly I’m a little angry at the same time. I am choosing to remember him as the person he was before his mental health declined to a point where he thought that taking his own life was the only way to escape the mental anguish he suffered from. I urged him to get help but couldn’t make him do it. Please seek help if you are feeling like he did. There’s no quick fix but I know the pain of mental illness can be lessened through medicine, counseling, support groups, and most importantly through God’s strength. Never stop seeking ways to deal with the hurt you feel.
If you can help out with Cade’s living expenses, he and my family will be eternally grateful. Thank you.
Finally, at this time; we will not be doing a memorial service. We hope you understand. Contribute
Funds are being collected and disbursed by Ryan Dunbar, Patrick's child.
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