Annie,

So sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. My Condolences to you and your family. He has gone home to glory. God is his caregiver now and will watch over him.

Hey Annie:

My condolences to you and your family.  My God continue to bless and cover you and your family during this time.  He is in a better place to look over you and the family from heaven.  May God be with yu all!!

Your friend,

Barry Lee Ringold 

Annie,

I am very sorry for your loss. My Condolences to you and your family. Y'all are in my thoughts and prayers.

Annie, 

I am very sorry for your loss. I did not have the pleasure to meet your father, but knowing you, I am sure he was a quality man of honor and integrity. I will add you to my prayer list. My vert best to you in the days ahead.  

Annie, 

So sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time. Let us know if you need anything.

Our deepest sympathy to you Marilyn and to all your family. We have wonderful memories of Brian, you and your six children while you lived on Meadowlane in Ames.  Hoping your many happy memories will bring you comfort at this sad time. 

I remember some of the advice Poppa used to give us, Louie, Harry, and Me. Harry and Poppa were always close, and from the first time in the cabin, I remembered a lot of that advice was directed right at Harry. Usually it was about fishing, or sometimes it would be anecdotes, but for Harry he always kept it tame, focused on little things. The bit of wisdom that I remember most was something that I never understood at the time, because I had assumed it was in the same family of practical advice he gave Harry; something for a particular purpose, or something best left as grandfatherly wisdom. 

Right around when I was sixteen, maybe a tad older, we were up in Minnesota, at Uncle Chris' new place on the lake for Christmas. I had got there, completely tired and worn down by lack of sleep; somehow I hadn't got any rest since the plane landed two days before. I remember Poppa and I were chatting on the kitchen counter, just as the sun was coming up over the frozen lake on the third day. I hadn't seen a sunrise like that my whole life, and it stuck with me how it lit up the room, made his smile look wider.

I forget how, but the conversation had turned to relationships. The exact kind of thing a young kid is going to blush and hide away from, especially when it's your granddad telling you what to do. So he moved away from direct questions, but even then I was always a very shy kid. I wouldn't even tell my parents the first letter of my crushes' names, let alone share thoughts about that with Poppa. That left only one avenue, aphoristic euphemisms and old man wisdom. He tried for a bit with that, but even then I didn't want to talk about it.

We had a long pause, and for a while I figured he had moved on from conversation about dating, and what he said confirmed it. He told me, "The way you catch a bird is by putting salt on its tail feather." I hadn't heard that one before, and I didn't connect it back to the conversation. I know now, it's something like a snipe hunt you put kids on, get them out of the house to mess with them. I laughed it off as strange, but he insisted and repeated it, adding, "That way you know they're ready, you can just grab them."

I didn't connect the dots at the kitchen counter, not in Minnesota while the sun rose over the frozen lake. I connected them seven years later sitting on top of Mount Soledad with my best friend, who asked me why people felt safe around me, why people felt alright sharing their stories and sadness. I told him this, "Dominick, my granddad told me a long while ago that the way you catch a bird is by putting salt on its feather. I think what he meant is that before you can have a relationship with someone, they need to be comfortable with you."

Poppa, we miss you, and we love you. I cherish the fact that you helped build in me that basic, human idea, that our relationships are rooted in comfort and mutual kindness, but that to make it happen, you must move first and make the space you occupy one where everyone feels at ease. I cherish that you not only helped make my world, but make my world a place where people want to be.