How to Deal with Grief Attacks
Grief is experienced differently by each individual, but some commonalities are shared by many. If you’ve lost a loved one, you may have experienced what’s known as a “grief attack”. Learning about them and knowing how to deal with them can be helpful when you’re overcome with grief and aren’t sure how to manage. This article gives you some background on grief attacks and how to handle one should you ever experience it.
What are grief attacks?
Grief attacks, also called "grief bursts," are sudden, intense waves of sorrow that can be triggered by memories, places, smells, or even random thoughts. These episodes can come unexpectedly and feel overwhelming, often bringing deep sadness, anxiety, or even physical pain.
How to deal with grief attacks
Grief attacks can bring on feelings of panic and deep sadness and can feel like you’re losing control. While these attacks are scary and highly emotional, they can also be managed effectively with practice. Following are some steps on how to deal with grief attacks as they come on; if you notice yourself frequently having these attacks or are struggling with symptoms of complex grief, it may be time to seek professional support or a grief group that can help you figure out how to process grief.
1. Acknowledge the attack
- Recognize that what you’re feeling is a grief or panic attack.
- Remind yourself that it is temporary and will pass.
2. Breathe slowly and deeply
- Try the 4-7-8 breathing technique: inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds.
- Focus on steady, deep breaths to help regulate your nervous system.
3. Ground yourself in the present
- Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method: name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste.
- Hold onto an object with personal significance, like a piece of jewelry or a photo.
4. Find a safe, comfortable space
- Sit or lie down in a quiet area if possible.
- If you’re in public, excuse yourself and find a calmer environment.
5. Use gentle movement
- If you feel frozen, try walking, stretching, or shaking out tension in your hands.
- Gentle rocking or hugging yourself can provide comfort.
6. Engage your senses
- Sip cold water or hold an ice cube to shift focus.
- Smell calming scents like lavender or peppermint.
7. Express your emotions
- Let yourself cry if needed—it’s a natural way to release grief.
- Write in a journal or voice-record your thoughts.
8. Use a mantra or affirmation
- Repeat phrases like, “I am safe,” “This feeling will pass,” or “I am allowed to grieve.”
- If spiritual, recite a prayer or comforting passage.
9. Reach out for support
- Call a trusted friend, family member, or therapist.
- Join a grief support group to share and connect.
10. Practice self-care after the attack
- Rest, hydrate, and do something soothing like listening to music or taking a warm bath.
- Engage in activities that bring you comfort, such as reading, meditation, or light exercise.
Over time, these attacks may become less intense and more manageable, but if they persist or interfere with daily life, professional support can be beneficial.
Common questions associated with grieving
The process of grieving is unique and singular to each person who experiences it, which often makes it an amorphous subject tied to many questions. Following are some general questions that you might have about grief and what its effects on the body may include.
What are the different stages of grief?
The stages of mourning a death or a loss is often described in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, these stages are not linear, and people may experience them in different orders or revisit certain stages multiple times. Other models expand on these stages, acknowledging grief as a deeply personal and ongoing process.
What are the physical symptoms of grief?
Grief can manifest physically in many ways, including fatigue, chest tightness, headaches, nausea, muscle tension, dizziness, and difficulty sleeping. Some people also experience appetite changes, heart palpitations, or a weakened immune system, making them more prone to illness.
Can grief cause anxiety and panic attacks?
Yes, grief can trigger anxiety and panic attacks. The intense emotions and stress that come with loss can make the nervous system hypersensitive, leading to overwhelming fear, shortness of breath, dizziness, and a racing heart. For some, grief-related anxiety can feel like a loss of control or even a heart attack.
Can you die from crying too much or of sadness?
While crying itself won’t cause death, extreme grief can lead to serious health risks. Prolonged emotional distress can contribute to high blood pressure, heart disease, and in rare cases, stress-induced cardiomyopathy (broken heart syndrome). However, seeking support and self-care can help mitigate these risks.
Can grief make you sick?
Grief can cause exhaustion, weaken the immune system and increase the risk of illness. The stress hormones released during grief can lead to headaches, digestive issues, fatigue, and even heart problems. Some people develop "broken heart syndrome," a temporary heart condition caused by extreme emotional distress.
Grieving is a complex, personal, and unique process for everyone who experiences it. It can also mean something entirely different to each individual who is grieving. Some folks grieve the loss of a job deeply, as deeply as one might experience the loss of a friendship or home. Other folks grieve the loss of a loved one much differently or seemingly not at all. No matter what your process, it can help to remember that you are not alone and that there are resources available to you should you need additional support.
If you’ve lost a loved one and are looking for ways to share their memory, consider setting up a memorial website on Ever Loved. Ever Loved memorial websites are free to use, easy to set up, and come equipped with many features that come in handy after losing a loved one. Share event details, share an obituary, collect donations, collect photos, and so much more on Ever Loved.
