Condolences to the family.
Zoltan was certainly a treasure and added something wonderful to each of our lives..
My favorite memories of Zoltan were me saying something I thought was profound and Zoltan looking at me with a smile on his face saying something like "you are so stupid sometimes" and laughing at the same time. That sure made me think. I have to say I miss hearing that.
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What’s beautifully written account of Zoltan’s life! I always looked forward to chatting with him at your “day after Thanksgiving” get-togethers. Zoltan was always so warm toward our family, interested in others’ lives, and positive. We celebrate his life and all he contributed to so many individuals!
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Last week I was walking in New York City and listening to Howard Stern interview Barbara Streisand. At one point she invoked the name of a therapist that was a major force in her treatment. She then said one word--
Zoltan. Dr. Gross was my therapist for 20 years. It boggles my mind now to think that when I went in for my session I might have been following Barbara Streisand.
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(Note: I was listening to an new podcast on EFT and suddenly thought of this conference. So I looked up an old SEPI program pamphlet, remembered the following encounters, and found this page today.)In May 2006, I was wrapping up my 1st year of grad school. My then department chair Jerry Davison was friends with Paul Wachtel and Marvin Goldfried, fairly influential figures of SEPI (Society for the Exploration of Psychotherapy Integration). When they looked for student volunteers to help at the conference, 2 of us from our otherwise mostly CBT-only program got to go.
On the last day, the 2 of us student volunteers got to dress up and sit at the "big people table" during the gala. After some bubbles, I told this older couple at the table I've never been to anything like this before since there were no proms where I grew up. To be honest I did not remember or notice them until that evening, because I was usually at the check-in counter outside with Francine, the logistics assistant, before I could sneak into a session. I thought they were probably just some wealthy sponsors. (He was actually the local arrangements committee chair!) It was one of the best things about grad school as I experienced these remarkable psychotherapists as people- not teachers, not mentors, not colleagues.
Thank you for the dance. Pat, you're most kind as you volunteered Zoltan to dance with me while we all joked about the 60+ year age difference.
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I'm blessed to have known Zoltan and consider him a wonderful friend. Condolences to his family. He will be fondly remembered always.
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When Zoltan and Pat married 35 years ago, I became his sister-in-law and always felt that he truly considered me ‘family’ from that time forward. I have so many warm memories of holiday gatherings at their home: several Passover Seders in months of March or April, Mother’s Day brunches in May, combined Father’s Day/Zoltan’s birthday celebrations every June, swimming in the pool on July 4th, years of Thanksgiving Dinners on Black Friday with as many as 35 blended-family relatives and dear friends in attendance, and our annual Christmas Eve gatherings. Good times, good food, special memories!
Zoltan seemed to thoroughly enjoy the creativity and uniqueness of each of his grandchildren. Although my son Spencer was (and is) in the age-range of Zoltan’s grandchildren, Zoltan always proudly proclaimed his role as ‘Uncle’ to Spencer. He often expressed to me his pleasure that he was given the experience of being an Uncle.
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Zoltan changed the trajectory of my life and the lives of my family. He was one of the greatest gifts in my life. The gift that keeps on giving. My heartfelt condolences to Pat, his kids and the rest of his family whom he talked about with such pride and joy.
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Andrew, Geri, Pat, Lisa, Ariel, Julien, Luis, Joel and all grandchildren and great grandchildren and extended family,
After reading these messages and having been with Zoltan on a few occasions I say “ you couldn’t ask for more.” I see how the apples don’t fall far from the tree.
Sending you love,
Paula
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when i started working with zoltan in 1969, i was parking cars for a living, without a meaningful relationship, and recovering from a meth overdose. when i concluded my work with him in 1973, i had passed my PhD exams in history at UCLA, received a teaching award there, received a fellowship to go to Chile for dissertation research, and was in a relationship with a very beautiful and intelligent woman. To say he saved my life would be an understatement. I'd say i pretty much owe everything to Zoltan. Later we became the best of friends, and his writings on psychology have been most important for my own work. I'll miss him forever.
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I met Pat some 30+ years ago when I was working at the AAA office in Van Nuys. Happily we became friends and shortly thereafter, I met Zoltan. Shortly after that, my husband, Lee met them both and the four of us became friends. We had deep and meaningful discussions and more deep and hearty laughs while enjoying wine and martinis--Zolt with his vodka, Lee with gin, and Pat and I with our wine. Thank you, Pat.
Zolt was a role model for me. I don't think that I have ever known anyone who had such a passion and love for life and who lived life so fully. He was truly an inspiration. He was wise in every sense of the word and was warm, loving, empathetic and always available. He and Pat had a beautiful and loving relationship and I learned so much about how to really be with someone from seeing how they were together.
Lee was struck by how quickly Zolt became engaged with him and how curious he was about Lee's life. And, we both were so impressed that Zoltan was harboring a vintage Jaguar. How much he loved that car!
We were so lucky to know him and we miss him very much.
Our deepest condolences to Pat and family.
Nancy and Lee Callet
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Cousin Andrew & Family,
We are so very sorry to hear of your Dad's passing. He sounds like quite an amazing man. We are sending you so much love and many many comforting hugs. ❤️ ❤️
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Zoltan, who I didn’t know as well as I wished, was the ideal neighbor – friendly, wise, tolerant, and playful. I loved hearing the sound of his laughter at the door to his office as his patients came and went. Having read his books, I readily imagined the surprising emotional and intellectual discoveries that were made inside those walls. In conversation, his eye was always on the present moment even as his mind was attuned to traditions and experiences I only knew from books. He was not just a man of his generation, but one of the sages for the ages. It was a privilege to live next to such a man.
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Dear Pat, Lisa, Andrew and Geri, My sincere condolences to you and your families. It's been really lovely to see the all of the photos and remembrances here for your dear Zoltan. I have heard tales of much love and celebration of his long life, including martinis! Sending you all love as you navigate the time ahead with love and joy in your hearts as you celebrate, share, and remember his life. With much love, Sonja & Jeff Smith
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My deepest condolences, dear Andrew and extended family. Zoltan was truly a great man who has left a profound legacy of mentorship, kindness, wisdom and humor. I feel honored and grateful to have known him and to continue to enjoy the wonderful qualities he passed on to you, Julien, Ariel and the rest of the family.
May he rest in Peace and may his memory be a blessing.
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My condolences to Andrew and his family. I knew Dr. Gross briefly as Andrews friend in junior high school. I remember him as a kind, patient and very interesting man. When I hung out with Andrew at his fathers home he was always gracious and showed interest in what we were doing. I’m pleased to hear that he had a long and special life.
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