Max was a rising junior at UMass Amherst. He was working on a dual major in computer science and mathematics. He wanted to specialize in artificial intelligence, specifically machine learning. He was working as tutor for the computer science department and had worked for the IT help desk previously. Like many students he worried about his grades, and sometimes felt pressed for time and stressed about his future. He was constantly taking opportunities to try and improve himself for the future.

Max was inquisitive. His mind was always running. He wanted to know how things worked; nature, people, society, engineering, physics. Max truly loved games of all complexities; computer games, board games, card games. They let him use his big brain and interact with people at the same time. He was able to stop second guessing his every move while he was in the midst of the action. Every family gathering, he would say at some point “Hey fam let's play a game." Among his favorites were Minecraft, DOTA2, Path of Exile, Dungeons and Dragons, Magic: The Gathering, daihinmin, Carcassonne, and Munchkin.

Hobbies were a challenge for Max. He really wanted to have one and tried on several. He joined theater club in high school and worked the lighting and sound. He loved programming but planned to do that for a living and wanted something different to do outside of work. Most recently, Max had started making dice. This hobby might have been the one to stick. It was the perfect combination to technical and artistic. There was the technical geekiness of perfecting the mold and getting the die true for gaming and the artistic design of the die colors and images itself. Max had started taking color requests from some of his family and friends. He had made what we thought were some beautiful sets of dice but, he was very particular what he allowed out of his workshop.

Back in middle school Max started coming to us and saying, “I guess I better learn how to …., so I know how do to it when I have my own house someday.” Max liked to practice at adulting. Lately he made a point of cooking with his mother every third night so he would be able to handle his turn as a roommate.

Despite the many good things about Max, he would never have wanted to be seen as a saint. He used to love pissing off his brother. He forgot to take out the trash and his bathroom was disgusting. We had to nag him to mow the lawn. He was late coming home when he had a curfew at times and forgot to call us when he knew we would worry. I’m sure there were things he did that we don’t know about. He was human, with human foibles. Even so, the best thing about him was that he tried to be good.

Max looked forward to Shrek nights and online games with his friends, his weekly D&D group, visits to Corkins Lodge with Adam, Thanksgiving at Woods Hole with his Potter cousins, Christmas at Babia’s with Bianca and Kaleigh, and Havranek family reunions.

Max leaves behind his mother, father, brother, and dog; his grandmothers; his aunts and uncles; a whole gaggle of cousins; and several close friends.

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Circumstances of death

Max had long experienced extreme depression and anxiety. As he put it, it was a slow accumulation of suffering, and late Friday night he carried out his plan to take his own life.

He deliberately hid how desperate he was; from his friends, his family, and even his therapists.

In his final note to us he wrote:

"It is not the fault of a person or group. Don't blame yourselves, don't blame each other, don't blame my friends, my therapist, my psychiatrist, or anyone else. Please. I'm begging you.

Please try to figure out how to express the idea I lived by: "be considerate. Think about how your actions and inactions will make people feel." I don't want to express this idea in any sort of blaming sense. People being inconsiderate is NOT why I killed myself. However, I want to leave some impact on the world. So, I figured I would share this idea I lived by. I couldn't figure out how to eloquently word this advice while making it clear I am not blaming anyone. So I am trusting you guys to somehow share this concept will all of my friends. "

Max, we think you said it beautifully.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)