https://www.youtube.com/watch…

Lauren was very precious to me. She was like the more raw version of me. She said things that I may have thought, but I just could not bring myself to say. And she did not mince  her words. I’m notorious for not saying exactly what I mean because I don’t want to offend or for people to misunderstand what I’m saying. The truth is that one rarely misunderstood her. Her “spirit animal“ was the Black Panther and mine is the black jaguar. I made her a card for her last birthday with a photo of black Panther.  It was beautiful. And she said, “ how did you know that was my spirit animal?”  I really didn’t, but I did understand why she loved it. It had a dual meaning….  But I love them because they are beautiful and elusive, exotic, powerful and very precious.  She expressed her displeasure at something or someone many times. I don’t think once she ever was confrontational to me. She was always very gentle with me. And I’m not sure why. Maybe because she knew how much I loved her?   She was a champion for those with no voice. I too an advocate for many who cannot stand for themselves. I have been very brazen when supplicating  for another.  But she was off the charts. She was unapologetic when she knew she was right. I tried to teach her to be tempered. Temperance can win others over more easily than being confrontational.  But she was a fighter. And I know this is about condolences and so I want her family to know that she never gave up. Even at the end, I don’t think she gave up. I think she let go to move onto something better. Just the words that she said, “I’m going now” is a bold statement. She said it so sweetly and gently, but affirmatively nonetheless. She was just letting her mom and her sister know that she was on her way somewhere else, on to her final journey. I hope that you take comfort in that. And also that we all will follow her eventually. I pray that you are comforted the rest of your journey here. I know that your heart is broken and you don’t think it will ever get fixed, and know this, that hole will never go away. That spot is Lauren’s spot.   No one else can be there. It is hers permanently, whether she resides here or not. We can be sad that she’s gone, but we can cherish her memory.  A long time ago I sang this song. Hunter showed it to me. And I didn’t appreciate one of the verses because it just didn’t seem to fit the rest of the song and so I wrote a verse in its place. And now I know why. I think it was for Lauren. The words to that verse are very poignant now. 

“ Heart of mine, keeper of loves true light

You were my destiny, the answer to all of my dreams.

You opened my eyes, made all my hopes take flight

Open your heart and find, we'll be together all time” 

Here are the words to the song with a verse, I dedicate to you now, sweet Lauren, and to your family,

"I Will Follow You Into The Dark"

Love of mine some day you will die

But I'll be close behind

I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white

Just our hands clasped so tight

Waiting for the hint of a spark

Chorus:

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark

Heart of mine, Keeper of love's true light

You were my destiny, the answer to all my dreams

You opened my eyes, made all my hopes take flight

Open your heart and find, we'll be together all times

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see

From Bangkok to Calgary

And the soles of your shoes are all worn down

The time for sleep is now

It's nothing to cry about

'cause we'll hold each other soon

In the blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide

That they both are satisfied

Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark

Then I'll follow you into the dark

One day, I came into work struggling. The day prior had been a hard day for me.  I think God decided it was the perfect time for me to meet Lauren.  I put on my best smile as I entered her room.  I greeted her and introduced myself as the nurse that would care for her during her procedure.   As we chatted,  her beautiful spirit quickly connected with mine.  She ended up sharing some of her story with me.   When she was only 12 years old, she testified in court against injustice.   I was stunned and speechless for a moment.  I began tearing up as I stood in awe of this brave soul.   ‘Do you know how brave you are? Seriously?  You are a badass.’  I could tell she was a bit thrown off as she responded modestly.  After her procedure, she told me ‘thank you for saying that to me.’  I explained to her that the day prior I had to testify in court.  I explained that it was nothing compared  to her story, but it was one of the hardest things I had to do.   I told her hearing about her bravery as a 12 year old little girl was unbelievably inspiring. 

We continued to bond over her time in and out of the hospital.  I had the honor of learning more about her life.  I stood next to her as I watched this beautiful girl fight with grit and determination.  I noticed how she smiled bravely before her procedure, even as her anxiety creeped in.  She would quietly take deep breaths and use every method she had learned to calm herself.  I held her hand and reminded her, ‘I’ve got you Lauren.’  She was a beautiful,  inspiring, sweet spirit.   She touched my heart and I am thankful to have known her.  

I had the pleasure of meeting her mother.  I can’t imagine the pride she must feel for raising this beautiful soul.   Lauren will be remembered and missed deeply until we see her again.  You don’t have to fight anymore sweet girl.