A poem for my big brother,

Kevin Gouveia RIP

You were there when I started my life.

You were there, when mom and dad, started to fight.

You were there, when mom cut off all my hair, fuck that was a sight.

You were there, when I would fall and cry, you would pick me up and say, you be i-ight.

You were there, when all our family died, you said they knew we cared, even thou they could not be here.

You were there, when, I wanted to take my own life.

You made me cry, but you were there to show me you cared.

You showed me things, I will not forget for the rest of my life.

You taught me things, I will always adore, fuck, that won’t happen anymore.

You told me to never lay down, never give up, and stand my ground, and always give a mother fucker a good round. You would be right there.

I am sorry, big brother, when you needed me the most, I was selfish, I was prideful, I was like a ghost.

I could never feel your shoes even if I tried, it was like I was drunk, like I was high,

That is a petty excuse, no I will not lie.

You sat all alone, in fucked up despair, just waiting for someone to care.

No one came, No one was there.

You gave up the fight, and told everyone, goodnight.

Now, I sit here and cry, every, fucking, lonely, night.

I cannot call your name, or message your phone, cause your nowhere near its’s like you disappeared, no, nothing is going to be alright.

I look back and I still cannot believe, I will never talk to you, ever, over a stupid fucking fight, silly me.

He will never be here, not till my end is here.

I am so sorry big brother, I was not there, to show you I cared.

Like you did, most of my life.

This just proves who really did, and did not care, all these years.

None of it matters, I cannot show you I care, and that I made the biggest mistake, of my life.

I live my life, regretting my choice, of being a ghost, when my big brother, needed me, the most.

There is nothing I can do, there is no plan two.

My brother is gone, I will not see him anymore.

I can only miss him, and regret my mistake, for the rest of my fucking life.

I am sorry big brother, my life will never be the same, all I had to do, was show you I cared, and you would be here, and it would not have turned out this way.

I am sorry big brother,

I miss you so much,

Your little sis, Jay.