Katherine Anne McFarland. Kati. A lover. A giver. A good friend. A prankster. An artist. A genius. An angel.
My sister. I spent my first year on Earth without her, but since the day she was born, I have had a friend and someone to go through life with, guaranteed. We developed an incredible, indescribable bond over the years, especially these last few. I am still figuring out every day just how much I am going to miss her.
Kati was an athlete
Growing up, Kati and I played on the same baseball team or in the same little league for many years. Often times she was the only girl on the team. She starred on the golf team that she helped create at our high school. She went on to run track and field, competing in high jump, hurdles, and the 4x100 relay. Recently she completed the Motts channel Sprint which is a 1.7 mile point to point swim in the intracoastal here in Wrightsville beach. She was highly determined to swim the entire 3+ mile loop this year.
Kati was fearless
One time as teenagers, we visited one of our favorite spots in the Florida Keys, Alligator lighthouse. It has changed a lot since then, but you used to be able to climb part of the structure and jump off. While I was on the boat trying to talk myself into making the climb, Kati was already on her way up. She had to show her big brother it was no big deal. While she was my little sister, I looked up to her in a lot of ways. She and my Dad had a favorite past time of trespassing just for the sake of exploring and the thrill of getting caught. I think Kati knew she could cry and my Dad could pull the doctor card if they ever got caught.
Kati was beyond brilliant
She attended Florida State University, in part at the main campus but she also spent several semesters studying abroad in Spain and Italy. I got the chance to visit her in Italy and I remember thinking she was in her own version of the Lizzie McGuire movie. While she was too stubborn to finish a couple remaining credits for her degree, she went ahead and made it her own way. She started and ran a successful home daycare business in San Diego. I was lucky enough to move out there around the same time, with a few dollars to my name. When I needed a place to stay, Kati didn't hesitate to offer the couch in her and Jeffs apartment. She didn't say "sorry, I am trying to start a business, you need to find somewhere else to stay". She said, "just hide on the back porch when the parents come to drop off their kids in the morning!" And that's what we did. For a while, until I eventually found my own apartment and Kati and Jeff upgraded to a bigger house for the daycare. When I found myself struggling again, I was welcomed with open arms into that house too.
Kati was resilient
At one point after we all moved out of California, back to the east coast, Kati was working at a hotel concierge from 5-12, Trader Joe's from 12-8, and somewhere in there teaching herself to code through an online course. Her hard work paid off and she went on to start her tech career from there, doing something that both frustrated and completely satisfied her. It always made my day when she would solve a problem at work that had been driving her crazy, and then send me a celebratory message or a funny meme from the office. That is one of the things I will miss most is our texts and phone calls to each other about everything and nothing. Movies or tv shows we were watching, pictures of the animals, small and big achievements, small and big disappointments, and more office jokes.
She was a gifted care giverger
Somewhere in the black hole of 2020, my Dad's health started to decline rapidly and we found out he had a terminal brain disease. My sister had recently moved here to Wrightsville beach, and long story short, my Dad ended up living with her for the last 3 years of his life. It is my belief that she used all of her gifts and energy to make his life better while he was spending his last few moments on Earth. I could go into more detail but many of you know just how dedicated she was. (More detail below) It's as if someone dropped a car on my Dad, and she used that initial burst of adrenaline people talk about to lift the car up, but she had to keep it there for years. And while holding the car with one hand, she continued to use the other hand to help everyone else around her that she could. She was super woman.
Kati, I know you're up there running on the beach with Dad, swimming with dolphins, flying with the birds, rescuing all the misfit animals, trespassing wherever you want to, making crafts with glitter and gold, and doing it all with a big old smile on your face. Your perfect beautiful face. I love you so much sister. Rest in peace.
More details about care giving:
Dad's notebook, she stayed up many nights creating and updating this thing, making sure all the new caregivers knew what Dad's favorite songs, movies, foods, and activities were. Kati loved to sleep in, but if Dad had a doctor's appointment, she would be up making sure his hair was brushed and he had his bora bora cologne on. She loved taking my Dad to the beach, and running with him while he still could, even if that meant disappearing from work for a few hours in the middle of the day. Looking back, she had her priorities straight.
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