Jupiter Hughes Thompson was born sleeping on 3/4/22. I am writing from my perspective as her Mother. Jupiter was my first baby. I carried her in my womb for more than 40 weeks, waiting patiently and giving her the authority and respect to emerge earthside when she was good and ready. My pregnancy was textbook. We were completely healthy the whole time. I was so excited for her arrival - planning to exclusively breastfeed, baby wear 24/7, cosleep, and most of all raise a strong woman who could grow up with a deep inner knowing that she is loved. She was my little Pisces - a dreamy, sensitive soul like her Mother. I had been waiting for what seemed like forever for my labor to begin spontaneously, and it happened on March 4th, intense and fast… the most agony I’ve ever felt. It was all for her; all the pain was still worth it. I became sick and vomiting so much during labor that the only thing I was expelling was the bile in the bottom of my stomach. I couldn’t fix the damage done and rehydrate enough to prevent my baby girl from becoming distressed. When the Mother is in distress, so is baby, because we are one entity… strangers for a while until we finally met and I knew her all along. Her daddy caught our baby at home in our bedroom - no time to get to the hospital or seek assistance until 30 seconds after she came earthside. She never opened her eyes, took a breath, had her first cry or opened her eyes. I was prepared for emergencies so my instinct took over and my desperation to spring her to life. I kept rubbing her back to try to stimulate her enough to hear her cry, mumbling over and over “come on, baby.. come on baby.” I didn’t want to believe she was really gone. Because of my illness during labor and my being dehydrated, my amniotic fluid ran too low. Without enough fluid, my baby became distressed and passed meconium, baby’s first bowel movement. Usually the presence of meconium in the amniotic fluid is not a cause for concern because the fluid dilutes the sticky tar substance. In our case, she aspirated on the meconium. It filled her lungs shortly before I pushed her out, screaming and in my most primal state of being. Jupiter went into cardiac arrest. Within 30 seconds of her being born, my husband called 911 and they arrived within 3 minutes with almost 20 police and EMTS parading through our small apartment, moving our furniture out of the way. I lay there completely naked, my placenta still inside of me and the umbilical cord still attached to my sweet baby as a female EMT held me in her lap and told me she would take care of me. All I cared about was Jupiter making a full recovery and hearing her first cry. EMTs continued to work on my baby even after they arrived at the hospital with her but no one would tell me what had happened for a couple hours. During my pregnancy I did so much research on obstetrical violence and tried so hard to avoid that trauma, seeing as I am a 2 time survivor of rape. I made my history of sexual trauma know to every staff member I cane into contact with. I begged and pleaded and screamed as the OBGYN on call took gauze and inserted it into my tender vagina, touching my labia and hurting me and all without my consent. Even after I begged and did not consent to this violence and abuse on my body, I wasn’t taken seriously. I felt neglected instead of heard and seen. The OB and nurses continued to forcibly rip my placenta out of my womb as I cried, and they never even let me look at it, a moment I will never get back. I had planned to keep my placenta for medicinal purposes and the hospital staff took away my right to bring my own organ home - not one question was asked regarding what I needed and what I didn’t want. The memory of the doctor coming into the emergency room, walking towards me as a nurse reached out to grab my hand before hearing the words “We did everything we could. Your baby didn’t make it.” I dissociated from reality and went completely numb. My husband had yet to meet me at the hospital and when he arrived a nurse gave her apologies and he cried explaining he hadn’t heard anything. I had to break the news to my husband who was looking forward to our baby just as much… I just held his hand while he cried. The hospital gave us a Manila envelope with all the pertinent details which should have been verbally explained to us. We should not have to go through an envelope while we are holding our dead baby for hours. The staff has very little education on stillbirth and infant loss. We missed out on many opportunities to do things with baby Jupiter, like give her a bath, dress her and cuddle her, get professional photos done etc. I held my baby until her body went stiff and gave her back. Not only did I suffer sexual abuse at the hands of the OB, my husband and I were neglected as well. I have written a formal complaint with the Charlotte Hungerford Hospital charge nurse and patient advocacy is taking our case very seriously. A nurse in psychiatric also spoke to my husband and I in an extremely inappropriate tone that was hostile and passive aggressive. I was calm and asked if my husband was getting adequate treatment when she snapped at me and gaslit me, telling me that her being aggressive and cold was only “my perception.” I stood there with my jaw open and simply said “I’m in grief.” To which she responded by telling me she had a clue because she lost a child 18 years ago. All the while I had not heard one kind word, one bit empathy. I lost my baby 8 days ago. This nurse then went back to where my husband was waiting to be discharged and come home and she berated him for saying too much and “causing trouble.” So here I am, 10 days postpartum trying to keep my head above water. Trying to pay so much money to have a proper burial for my angel baby. That’s all I want; Jupiter deserves her little patch of earth. We are still awaiting a call troll the coroner’s office and have no clue how we will afford these bereavement costs. On top of it this unforseen tragedy happened I am also preparing to take legal action against the hospital for sexually abuse, neglect and emotional distress. Our baby didn’t deserve to die and I am struggling so much with feeling completely responsible. I feel I failed to protect her. I’m still feeling phantom kicks in my tummy and walking up every morning just as the sun rises, sobbing and screaming and clenching my empty tummy. I have been dissociating just to survive but I can’t barely sleep. Financial stress obviously makes the process of grief come to a stand still. There are no time for tears when my baby girl needs me to make her burial as beautiful as she was. The hospital said there was nothing that could  have been done to prevent this tragedy. It just is, and it’s hell on earth. Jupiter has already sent me messages in different forms to reassure me she is watching over me and Matt and she is safe and happy - one of those signs being a bright red cardinal. I know we will meet in a another form and be together for eternity when my time comes - but no parent should have to bury their child. I don’t know if I could go if I didn’t have such an amazing husband and hope for more children in the future. Jupiter is telling me it’s all going to be okay. We desperately need financial assistance for a plot of land, a baby coffin, burial services and memorial services. I know there is support and community out there and I want to believe people will help us, but if you cannot donate please share with anyone you know. I just want this to be over with. I just want finances covered while my husband and I grief and slowly heal because him being gone 12 hours a day or more has me going completely insane. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for your contributions and support.