Remembrances of John Moyer Wetherhold

By Anne Wetherhold Tonden

I’m John’s sister, Anne, younger than John by four years. Though John was born in Yakima WA, by the time he was two the family had moved to Carneys Point, NJ. From that point, John and I, and our younger brother Bob, grew up in Carneys Point in what was a thriving DuPont town. Prominent in the town were the numerous churches (we attended the Union Presbyterian Church), the YMCA, and excellent schools. Carneys Point was a wonderful town to grow up in.

I remember Jay, as the family calls him, as a bit of a scamp growing up. There are stories there that will remain untold!

I was always proud of him, but especially when, as a stellar student, he was selected in high school for a special accelerated pilot program, along with three other “brainiacs” - a program similar to the AP (advanced placement) classes offered now. He was inducted into the National Honor Society, and valedictorian of his class. Jay was also active in the Boy Scouts, with a sash full of merit badges, obtaining Eagle Scout. Additionally, he played trumpet in the high school band.

Jay enjoyed our time at our maternal grandmother and great grandmother’s farm in KY every summer. The whole family went there for a week, sometimes two, during the summer from the time each of us was a baby until I graduated from high school, when Jay was 22. There were a lot of highjinks to be about on a full working farm, for sure! And Jay, and our cousin Sam, were right in the middle of any mischief.

Also in high school, during the summer of both his junior and senior years, he was a life guard at the YMCA Camp Carney in Woodstown, NJ. Several times during the week he would take me out to the pool early as he and his co-lifeguard set up things for the day. This was a real treat for me as a “water bug”, giving me extra pool time. Both of us followed in our father’s footsteps as strong swimmers. I was so proud to see him sitting up in the lifeguard stand!

Then Jay was off to college. First at Gettysburg, then at University of Pennsylvania , followed by a year at Harvard Law, and finally at U of P Wharton School where he received his MBA. Then it was off to work in finance, mostly bonds, on Wall Street. After leaving work, among other things, he had stints with the World Bank, traveling over seas to numerous countries, and once a year was a grader for the CFA test, meeting with other graders in Charlottesville, VA. Although NYC was his true love, he considered Charlottesville a close second.

In 1990, Jay married Linda nee XuZi. They had their wonderful daughter Sherley in 1993.

In more recent years, Jay and I had more frequent contact as we supported our mother in her final years. He was kind and compassionate toward Mom as she declined, visiting more and more often the continuous care facility in Cherry Hill, NJ where she resided. Jay was insightful enough to recognize the vast amounts of time I spent visiting, seeing to Mom’s personal needs, and dealing with doctors and staff, and his support for me was very touching. He would even try to give me money to treat myself to dinner! Jay was simply wonderful during that difficult time.

And then there is Turtle. When Jay was in high school, he had a pet turtle, which died sometime when he was in college. He purchased a turtle while in NYC which is still alive, and is now over 28 years old. I would tease him because he said he never gave the turtle a name, and so it became “Turtle”. He would tell me how Turtle was doing, and ask about my husband and my dog Pilot, which he was crazy about.

I think everyone knows about his generosity. Whether it was toward individuals, charitable organizations, or civic projects, he gave not only financially, but with his time. Although we didn’t have a tradition of exchanging Christmas gifts, for about the last decade or so he started sending my husband and me either a ham, or fabulous prime rib roast, or a trio of delicious cheeses. When he started to do this, besides thanking him, I said that he really didn’t need to send gifts. His reply was that he enjoyed giving gifts, and didn’t expect anything in return. I know he also showed this kind of generous gift giving toward many others.

I can’t close without mentioning Jay’s love for the shore. When he first moved to NYC he used to go to Fire Island every summer. In later years, he started going to Ocean City, NJ where our family vacationed once when we were little, and a couple of times when we were in high school. He truly loved his time in OC, and was fortunately able to go the last summer before he died. While he was there, my husband and I were able to go to Ocean City and have a wonderful shore dinner with him - unbeknownst to us at the time our last one together. By this time, he was no longer able use a regular bike around town or on the boardwalk, but that didn’t deter him. He rented an adult three wheeler, and biked all around the area where he rented an apartment.

I miss Jay dearly, as does the rest of his family. I keep thinking of things I want to chat with him about, ask him about. I am sure that his friends, and colleges feel the same.

He is now a peace, free of pain, and resting with his Lord.

This is kind of a reminiscence.  One year ago, we had picked out a present for Jay (usually food and beverage) and had it delivered with a card; this was our tradition.  We would then try to reach him by phone.  We already had a note on our calendars to do the same thing this year; now, sadly, not needed. 

Just one of many traditions that will take a while to fade. 

Jay was my oldest living relative, 3 years my senior. While we grew up in different states, Jay in New Jersey and me in Kentucky, we spend nearly every summer together. Jay would come to the farm for a few weeks or my family would travel to New Jersey. Jay, especially, loved coming to the farm as my father would fill the milk cooler with Cokes, accompanied by the "forbidden" chocolate bars! And, I loved showing Jay life on the farm, especially the newborn kittens. That was until "mama cat" decided she didn't want us cuddling her kittens....I still have the scars to show for that misadventure. We shared a rebellious side...one day raiding the chicken house for eggs to plaster the barn. Needless to say, that "raid" did not end well.... We also shared the joy of tormenting Anne, locking her in the corn crib or leaving her in the tree house without a ladder (forgive us Anne, we love you).

Over the years we went our separate was as often happens. Jay to Wharton and me to GaTech and careers beyond. These past few years we reconnected, reminisced about our early days and kept in touch with one another, sharing our mutual journey through "old age".

I will remember Jay for his sense of humor, his intelligence and rigor to "do the right thing".

My name is Robert, brother of John.  As kids, we were Bob and Jay, and still have these names in the family. 

I knew Jay all my life--I was the younger brother, by seven years.  You may know cases where siblings drift apart during life; our case was the opposite.  In the last few decades, we became closer, and talked more about personal things. I observed how nice he was to my "new family": my wife Elena, her children, and extended family (in Ukraine and Russia, for example). 

Jay had a good sense of humor, if a bit "out there", and that coincides with my own, so we were a match.  He was very intelligent, and one of the surprises for me after his death was how he used his intelligence and enthusiasm to fight for community causes in NYC.  

In the nature of older brother-younger brother relationship, I had assumed that he would be around forever.  What a shock when he became ill!  He faced that fight with energy and with bravery, as he brought to many other causes.  

I will miss Jay a lot; even now, it's hard to believe that I cannot simply email him or give him a phone call.