Hey Babe, I don’t know why but this week has been hard. Maybe it’s becuz Cinco De Mayo is right around the corner, the day you asked me to marry you last year. I wear our rings, even the wedding band you picked out & just had to have - which matched mine perfectly. I’ve been losing weight so the rings have been tryna slip off my fingers, may have to put them on a chain & wear as necklace soon. Was at our besties last Friday, hanging on the porch like we used to do. You were brought up ofc, so many memories we all have together. I think they think it’s not hard to talk about since we are coming up on 7 months since you passed. The truth is…. I feel like it’s always just going to be hard to reminisce. I know we weren’t perfect, no one is but I really do miss you & all the good times we shared. That deep undeniable loving bond that we had, what we felt for each other that we never experienced with anyone else - I know you know what I’m talking about becuz we talked about it. I am still quite upset as well. You also know why that is. I found what you left me, not until I was packing to move tho. I really wish I had found it before you passed so things might have made alil more sense. I didn’t show anyone or tell anyone, not even the kids. I don’t know if I will ever tell anyone honestly, it will still never change anything that happened or change what was done to me & Adilyn. It would have been so different had you wrote those letters you planned on writing or even just told everyone the truth about everything. You really did underestimate all of them ppl. You gave them way too much credit thinking they would ultimately do the right thing. They did exactly the opposite of what you thought they would!! That pain will never go away. I didn’t get to be involved with the planning of your celebration of life, everything was changed from what you chose to a lot of what you did not want. I was not listed as your surviving fiance, spouse or partner. You would be extremely angry with what is in that obituary. This one here that I made ofc says the truth and everything in it that you wanted - even before seeing the things you left because like you said…. I really did know you the best of anyone in your life. I have met with & spoken to some of your estranged family members. I really wish you had reconnected with them years ago as I pushed you to do, I think you may have had the wrong interpretation of how things happened with ppl. Adilyn & I had lunch with Kathy & the girls recently. Was so good to see Abi & Kaylee - they have already grown so much like Adi since you passed. It was hard to walk away & leave them behind not knowing when we will see them again. I don’t think they realize that I saw them as my girls too, and that whenever I was asked how many kids I have - I always included them because to me they were. I know I’m just rambling as I always did lol. One thing to the next with my ADHD. I wish you were here babe. This has been the hardest, trying to life without you. Wondering every minute what we would be doing right now if you were still here. Just like I told you the evening that you passed - I do forgive you and I’m glad that I got to tell you that since it was so important to you. You will never be forgotten, I will continue to Love you always babe. It just is what it is!!
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Hey babe, I know I haven’t posted in awhile. Things have been crazy! I know I asked our family & friends not to post on here, I get it was selfish of me. I just wanted it to be a you & me thing, somewhere I can talk to you besides talking to you as if you are in the room with me. I thought I was doing better, but unfortunately I never knew grief like this. To lose the person that you planned on spending the rest of your life with is just beyond words! We recently moved out of the house, it was just too hard to be there without you. While packing up & going thru things, I found what you left me. I’m sure you saw my reaction when I found it. I just don’t know what to say or think. I know what you said but I still just don’t understand everything, I guess I never will. I wish this wasn’t so hard. Adilyn started her new school, I had to meet with the school counselor, her new teacher & the principal to explain that we lost you almost 5 months ago & how things have been. How we are both handling it etc. I realized that I will be forever having to explain that & why her daddy isn’t around & honestly it broke me all over again. Even tho I may always struggle with the loss of you, Adilyn is seemly stronger than I am. Not that she doesn’t miss you or talk about you because she does all the time but she just seem more accepting of it. Maybe that’s because she doesn’t have all the lingering questions as I do. Adilyn is still our greatest blessing, she amazes me everyday. She undoubtedly will make a difference in this world! We miss you, we love you 💕
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Yesterday was our Anniversary, I know you were here with me! I Love You still - Everyday
— with
Jim & Katie - Together Always
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2020, Westerville, OH, USA
Jim carved our love into the tree in our backyard
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2023, Westerville, OH, USA
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