How Our Love Lasted for So Long

Gemma and I were both 25 years old when we met, so already pretty well set in our ways. Our backgrounds were so very different. Gemma a classy small town Irish lass, me an American country lad. But we had so many things in common: A love of good music, art, books, conversation, learning, travel, humor, etc …. and ballroom dancing. During the first summer of our courtship, it was on the dance floors of the night clubs on Spain’s Costa Brava that we sealed our love. (We were working as tour guides for a British company, 1966. The Summer of Love!)

As for the question: How did we make a shared life and love last so successfully for so long (58 years!)? We had our ups and downs, of course, like everyone. But my answer is simple: Unconditional love! Hers for me! Gemma loved me unconditionally.

Early in our relationship Gemma came to know all my faults. Over our years together she patiently helped me to correct many of them; and, she learned to live with and/or overlook the rest. Unconditional love.

Once I was asked to address this question more formally. Trying for humor and poignancy, I said that we stayed together so long and well because Gemma has a very high tolerance for Patterned Male Stupidity. That’s part of the truth. But her unconditional love for me was the key.

Gemma taught me the meaning of love, and how to love. Long ago I codified her practices into this (operational) definition:

     To love

             is to want

                       to learn

                                to care.

Gemma wanted to learn to care for me. And she did, exceptionally well.                                                          Unconditionally.

I hope I lived up to her expectations [said with a tear and a smile].

How We Met

Gemma was fond of telling the story of how we met. When asked she would say:

“I opened the door and there he was!”, with a wry smile. For her that was the whole story. She made it sound like it was love at first sight. For her I’m unsure; but for me ….. well, my version of the story reads is as follows.

It was November, 1965. The door she opened was to the apartment she shared with her sister, Maura, up three or four flights of stairs in the middle of Madrid, Spain. I was there to talk with Maura about taking over one of her private classes (we were all teaching English as a foreign language for a living). When she opened the door beaming her warm, welcoming, radiant smile, I was smitten (not a word I often use). Even at a distance of 10-12 feet across that threshold I felt our auras overlap. For me it was love at first sight. But, hold up! She was dating Jaime at the time, so I had to bide my time for several months. When Jaime was out of the picture, I made my move, and our love story began in earnest. Fifty-eight years of life with the gift of unconditional love. Color me blessed.

If there is a continuance after this life, I hope that Gemma, the love of my life, will be there to open yet another door for me.

Dearest Norman and Delvon,

It is with profound sorrow that I extend my heartfelt condolences to you both on the passing of Gemma (and Amisha). Although our encounters were limited to a few instances in my childhood and a brief reunion in adulthood, the resonance of Gemma's voice remains vivid in my memory. She left an indelible impression as a truly enchanting individual.

In this difficult time, my heart aches for both of you. May the recollection of the delightful moments spent with this remarkable soul serve as a source of solace and strength. The unforgiving nature of the circle of life poses a poignant challenge for those who remain.

Please accept warm embraces from Bruce and Judy Beach, Phillip Buntin, and, of course, from myself. Wishing you resilience and tranquility during this trying period.

All our love,

Karen Buntin Weideling, Phillip Buntin and Bruce and Judy Beach

On Thursday November 23rd, 2023, my mother Gemma Tate died, it happened to be Thanksgiving Day, and there are many things that I am thankful for.

I am thankful to have her as a mother, who as far back as I can remember was always there supporting and encouraging me. She taught me to read by reading to me every day. She taught me what it is to be fair and generous, mostly by how she carried herself in the world, but also when there was a “teaching/learning” moment for me. She and my dad are the example that I have tried to follow, as it relates to being a parent and a spouse.

I am thankful for all the stories of her childhood growing up in Ballinrobe Ireland. She painted so many vivid pictures of her friends and family and the adventures that she had with them, that I felt like I knew them all, long before I ever met them.

I am thankful for all of the different cuisine she cooked and that I had the privilege to both eat as well as help prepare. She was willing to try anything and frequently put her own spin on the recipe like her whole grain pizza dough that was a favorite throughout the year, usually on Fridays.

I am thankful for her Irish accent, although I can’t say I ever noticed it (she was my mom), that my friends always commented on. It gave her an elevated status in their eyes, which I always felt was as it should be.

I am thankful for many Christmas Eves together both growing up and later with my own family at my parents’ house. It was always a big event that showcased her different culinary skills with everything from Christmas Cookies and Stuffed Mushrooms to her Mince Pies, which she always referred to as “A Taste of Christmas”. Festivities included decorating the tree and singing carols as a family, and any friends that happened to be invited as well. Christmas is less than two weeks away as I write this, it won’t be the same without her.

I am thankful for the last three years. She wasn’t taken from us suddenly, and while it will never feel like we got to spend sufficient time with her it might be just enough to ease our hearts.

I am thankful that I was with her just an hour before she died. I got to sit with her and hold her hand.

I am thankful that she is not in pain anymore and I am thankful she is in Heaven now with Amisha and they will be there to greet me when my time comes.