My Memorial to Eddie Warren: Ineffable loss & Hidden beauty
Before I start, I ask that you please excuse the term “Transacted memory.” It’s technical and weird. Please bear with me, this idea is central to how I would like to honor Eddie’s memory.
–Transacted memory (TM) is piece of experiential memory stored in another person.
It’s like a piece of your identity living in another person. This happens when two or more people share a common experience. TM is happening all the time between everyone to some degree. For those who know and love each other best, TM greatly influences each person. Everyone acquiring an increasing share of each other’s identity.
We can see Eddie’s life in this way. Over the years, we have shared many experiences with him. Each of these experiences created a piece of us living in Eddie and vice versa.
One of my experiences stored in Eddie is our story at Cambria. The one where I’m being a turd, he yells at me, I get upset and run off, I come back and say, “sorry.” He forgives me, hugs me, and makes a joke. For me this was a life lesson of love, anger, and forgiveness. The portion of that memory, emotion, and lesson that were in Eddie are gone, forever.
TM is lost in death. Death of someone we knew, regardless of relative importance, seems to cause a nebulous and vague feeling of loss. Death of someone deeply loved, feels like a vast emptiness. We know everything of ourselves in that person is gone. This cavity creates very real physical trauma. Our minds ripped of its attachment. We feel an overwhelming sense of existential and ineffable loss.
We are all suffering the existential loss of Eddie. The more you loved him the greater the loss. However, there is a hidden beauty to Transacted Memory. A beauty we can find in our hearts whenever we need it.
If we remember, TM works both ways: we store ourselves in others, and they store themselves in us. The wonder of this phenomena is its exchange rate. For any amount of ourselves stored in loved ones, there exists vastly more of themselves stored in us. Think about how much of Eddie is stored in all of us: his passion, love, kindness, generosity, etc. He was a friend to all. Everything he ever taught, directly and indirectly, lives in literally thousands of people.
So much of Eddie lives on in us. However it often remains hidden. This beauty has been with us so long we may have forgotten to notice. Even though Eddie was a giant of personality, his effect on us was incorporated slowly, over many years. We tend not to look at ourselves this way. Yet, with introspection, it becomes easy to see how much of Eddie lives on in us. Every detail of his smile, laughter, joking demeanor, and passion for life comes to life.
To some degree this man taught me how to live. I will always cherish this, and I plan to make sure my kids get the same lessons. The memories of Eddie that I have transacted over the years will always be with me. May we all seek to live joyously and see the splendor of Eddie’s hidden beauty that lives on in us forever.
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