My father was a unique man. He was a business man until the end; he even maintained a 9-5 schedule with regular "lunch breaks" into his retirement. Around 5pm, dad would retire for the evening and join us for a show or movie. He worked for years at Ecusta over in Brevard. He was a black man in the 1980s and 90s with a white secretary earning the equivalent of a 6 figure salary in today's money.
I had times of success and failure but dad never made me feel bad about it. He was always there to console me and give me advice. His greatest words were when I was at my lowest and he still said he was proud of me.
This is my first father's day without a dad tomorrow. It hurts everyday without him. I woke up yesterday morning and for a split second I thought he was still here. So I thought I'd share some fun stories about him, some of which were taken from my speech at his funeral. I'd prefer to think about his life rather than his traffic death:
Words about my father
I definitely understand now why the loss of a parent is in so many movies, TV shows, fairy tales, and books. It's such a deep pain that follows you your whole life and once you experience it, it'll never truly go away. So if you've ever wondered why there's so many dead mothers and fathers in Disney movies that may be one reason why. The hero of a story builds character through tragic loss.
He was my hero. He saved me on many occasions. I'll share my favorite memories. I remember I walked through Split Rock at Grandfather Mountain and my dad followed me in. I was halfway through when I suddenly got an attack of claustrophobia which never happened before or since. I was paralyzed and it felt like the rock would close in on me. Dad saw me panicking and lifted me up onto his knee and drew us both out of the giant rock safely.
Dad was our protector and defender. He saved me from falling in the whitewater rapids; he saved my brother from being crushed by a tractor. I remember one day I came home early and dad didn't know anyone was supposed to be in the house. It didn’t help that I parked my car around the side of the house so I think he didn't see who it was coming inside. When I stepped into the living room, I see him peaking over the banister of the stairs and he is holding a flashlight and a can of Lysol spray. And I'm standing there thinking what was he planning to do if I was a home invader? To blind me with the light and hit me with the can of spray, or to blind me with Lysol spray and hit me with a flashlight? I guess we'll never know. Dad protected us from what he thought was a snake too. He beat the hell out of it with a shovel. It turned out to be a garden hose but he still showed it who was boss.
He was a great man. He wasn't a man of many words but dad left us with a lot of great one liners. I'll give you some examples. If you’re trying to change a flat tire and don't know what you’re doing, he might say, "you're turning it the wrong way lug nut". If you're a child who's too excited for Christmas and getting on your parent's nerves, "boy, I'm going to knock you into next week so you miss Christmas!" and as a small child, my brother actually believed that dad had the power to do that. If you’re a wild turkey and dad doesn’t want you in his yard. “Hey, butterball! Yeah you, butterball!” I've never seen a turkey run faster in my whole life. What the little butterball didn't know is that Dad didn't like the taste of bird meat. In fact, Donald Sullivan Cowan Sr will go down in history as the first African American male who refused to eat fried chicken. True story.
On the day I was born, my father held me in his arms and said, "I'm going to buy you a car!" and 16 years later he did. Dad always kept his promises, especially if it came to finances and cars. I was actually voted best car in high school my senior year because of it. He also came to my school when I got stranded there in a snowstorm. He drove me through the snow in my car for 2 hours in traffic which would normally only be 10 minutes up the road!
Speaking of high school, I went missing one day because I forgot about a doctor’s appointment and didn’t come home as scheduled. Dad searched high and low for me. I eventually came home and explained that I was at a volunteer event and forgot to check my cell phone for missed messages. He held back the tears when he saw me, and said "you almost gave me a heart attack there." He had so much love to give, it's no wonder his heart gave out on him.
My father barely lived long enough to walk me down the aisle and I will cherish that moment forever. He didn't get to see his 50th anniversary but we planned a big wedding years after my elopement and it doubled as their 50th anniversary celebration. My parents didn't get a wedding day and I almost didn't either because of COVID cancellations. They eloped like I did. And I guess this is why the "wedding party" was so important to me because I wanted to bring that to them. We hosted the party in the gold room of the Grand Bohemian hotel in Asheville. If you've never been then you should visit and it'll take your breath away by how stunning it is. It was the perfect backdrop for my parents to celebrate their golden anniversary.
Losing a parent is a rite of passage into adulthood. We all must endure it someday. Mom told me his last words were "I can do it" as he tried to stand up from bed one final time. He was a stubborn fighter until the end. Coincidentally, my first word according to my birth chart was "dada". He'll always be the first man I loved and I will forever cherish his memory. My final act of love for my dad on this earth was the headstone. Our Cowan family crest has the words “This is the way to heaven" inscribed on it in Latin. We're having this engraved on the headstone. May my father find his way to heaven.
RIP Daddy
May 1950 - Mar 2023
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