Desiree Isabella Saxon (Dez) (aka L. Desmond Paxton Jr.) passed away on November 17th, 2021, at approximately 10am, most likely from some form of seizure. She was sitting in her favorite chair on our back patio, enjoying the sunshine and warmth of that morning, with her coffee, and of course, her cigarettes. Most likely she was doing something on social media or posing for a picture. She was finally becoming the woman she always wanted to be, and many of her online friends have told me that she was the happiest she had ever been. It warms my heart greatly, that I was able to help her so much on her road to self-realization, and that even though it was a short period that we were together, that we packed as much togetherness and fun as possible into our relationship. She was a step-mother to my 17 year old son, and they were forming a bond that made me smile when I saw them joking together. 

 I was constantly amazed that she would ride with me on the 4 hour round trips to drop him off at the Virginia/North Carolina border so he could spend some time with his mom and sister. Dez knew it was a limited opportunity to meet and talk with them and she also didn’t want me to drive home alone. The first time my ex and her met, they joked and laughed, mostly about me, and got on like besties. I miss Dez extremely on my drives now, though I make better time not having to stop so many times for her to pee. She’d blame her hormone shots on the shrinking of her bladder, but my son and I didn’t buy it. Giving her those hormone shots almost made me pass out, as I can’t stand needles, but I forced myself, as I loved her so much. 

 We once went on a road trip to Ohio, to get some of the possessions of my father and step-mother, whom had recently passed away. She wanted to meet my step-brother, and his family, and be with us on the journey. Though she never met my step-mother, she wanted to wear the charm bracelets that she had made over her life of memories that she had forged. Dez wore those bracelets all the time. Dez so desperately wanted to belong to a loving family, and I so wanted to make sure she knew that she was loved. 

 Everyone that knew her always told me what a big heart that she had, and I never really understood how much she loved me and needed me. She always made me coffee in the morning, and made sure that she saw me off to work with a kiss and waving goodbye from the front step with her coffee in her hand. We’d call each other at least once during the day just to talk, and sometimes we’d talk during my commute as well. She would never get mad if I told her I had to go off to a meeting, and wanted to hear about my day when I got home. Most nights we’d watch a movie, though she’d seen almost everything. I’d go to bed earlier, but could never fall asleep until she got in bed and we’d hold each other. I was always jealous she could fall asleep in a few minutes, snoring so loud I’m sure the neighbors could hear it.  Somehow, it never bothered me, and helped me sleep. I’d give anything to hear it again. 

 Desiree was so looking forward to her and I spending the 2021 holidays together as a family. My 20 year old daughter, was going to come up from North Carolina for Thanksgiving, and Dez was going to cook a big turkey and all the trimmings. It was going to be bittersweet, as her own family had disowned her, and this would be the first holiday period without being with her sons. She had been informed that her son's wife had recently had a baby girl, her first grand-daughter, named Isabella, and Desiree had not known. This had broken her heart. 

 She had decorated our house for Christmas the week after Halloween. At the time I felt it violated the rules of holiday etiquette to put up the tree before Thanksgiving, but I was so thankful she did. Her tree decorating was amazing, and I have not had the heart yet to take it down, as it is a reminder of how much she was looking forward to being together as a family and how much she wanted to make the home beautiful for my children. Going through her things, I found that she had bought Christmas cards for myself, my son and daughter, and her son Mattie early in November. My first card read, “Thanks for saving my Day! What you did was super!” And the second card said, “For my husband, I’m so blessed having you to love. You’re a good man with a good heart, and you make me feel proud and happy to be the one who gets to share my life with you. Merry Christmas.” I was happy to be there for her when she needed me, and only wish it had been longer. 

 We were going to go to Busch Gardens this summer, and the Lake Anna Renaissance Festival. I wanted to take her to see the Nutcracker at the Kennedy Center someday. Last year we marched in the Fredericksburg Pride Parade and looked forward to it again. We enjoyed the Beer Babes Drag Show at Spencer Devons a few times, and planned to go to Godfrey’s in Richmond soon. Freddie’s in Arlington was also a favorite place we only managed to visit a couple of times. We had plans someday to retire to the Tuscany area of Italy, as I had been there a few times when I was in the Navy, and had told her about the amazing coastal town of Gaeta. I wanted to show her Edinburgh, Scotland, one of my favorite European cities.

Desiree loved being on social media, and could talk from sunrise to sunset and then some. She did a lot of free counseling for young and old transgenders and shared her hormone and medical regimen and procedure experiences with her following. She had a big heart and just wanted to help whoever needed an ear of someone who’d listen. 

 I miss you Dez, and love you very much, Robert