Deborah and I got together in 2018

First date August 16th 2018

Entered by Mark for Susan Harlan

Deborah Ann Jensen Bergen

A Life Well Lived, “Her Way”

My best friend accomplished so much in her life….

Started Young….

She was on a mission starting at five years old. When we were in third grade, she was asked by a neighbor to walk her epileptic five-year-old son to and from school. Debi kept a spoon in her pocket during their walks just in case she had to press on his tongue during a seizure… She was over the moon with this project. When we finally got to Junior high, she decided we would become “Candy Stripers”…This set the course for her future profession which fulfilled her the rest of her life. In Junior high, Debi’s other talents really started to shine. She decided we would have dance parties at the YMCA, charge 25 cents per person and she of course was in charge of the record player…and thus throughout her entire life she became a Master of “throwing a great party”! We had befriended a classmate named George, as it turned out he was an excellent guitarist. Once we got too high school, she had George performing at our school dances. Later in life, George became very ill and of course Nurse Debi took over, got him the care he needed, checked-in on him daily and was with him when he passed.

Always Thoughtful….

Debi never forgot anyone’s birthday! Her beautiful daughter’s always had the perfect parties, her friends always enjoyed her gifts of love, and most of all her talents always made it a very fun time. The holidays were celebrated with unique gifts including handmade projects, collages filled with photos from past and present, and her embroidered treasures.

On the road again….

Deb’s energy for adventure led her on many travels across the country. She lived in many different areas but her favorite place was the Rocky Mountains. Living in Boulder after high school forever changed the way we looked at the world, scary and exhilarating! After a few years of traveling and living out of her Volkswagen Van, she and her buddy Becky headed to the Mayo Clinic to become nurses.

Nursing Career….

Her career in nursing included Psychiatric care, Occupational nursing, Pharmaceutical Representative, Hospice nursing, and later in life she was a Nurse for a women’s living shelter in Sioux City at Shesler Hall. Her ability to connect with all forms of care and of types of personalities was her success and seldom found in this type of care. There are not enough words to express the profound respect I had for my friend!

Family First….

Once Debi started raising her babies, almost overnight, she became a totally hands on Momma. She waited a long time to start a family and nothing would change her mind on how she was going to raise Saranne and Sydney. Her beautiful daughter’s would excel in school, endless activities and of course their adult life. She truly loved them over the moon and back. …..and then along came three amazing little grand babies. My last moments with Debi were spent with her grandchildren.

Professionally….

Debi served on several boards in Siouxland from being on the Museum board to the Sioux City Police Drug board. Debi lost her niece a few years ago and from that time forward, her goal was now on a personal level. Her final role as a business owner was a dance studio she opened in downtown Sioux City. The purpose of this business was to help troubled individuals transition themselves back into the mainstream of life…”be here now” as she would say!

With Love….

The impact of losing someone is difficult to express. “Love and Peace” was Ms. Debi’s mantra her whole entire life!

All I can say is;

“ It is very hard to mend a broken heart”..

Susan Brown Harlan    

A condolence from Becky Hood (entered by Mark):

Deb was true to herself, her convictions and her friends. She was adventurous, loved life and life for her was an adventure. She loved to do and go, she loved small things and wonderful large things in life. She was joyful, playful and spontaneous! With Deb, it was never how or why, always: When?!

Her accomplishments include strong positive self-belief, always feminine and physically gorgeous. I feel she truly lived by the motto “be here now” which she frequently quoted. I miss her daily, I miss her open heart, her never ending positive energy. If there ever was a limit on good friends or good times, I’m sure she would have passed it long ago. Nobody I know is like her! It is a space not easily filled, if ever.

This poem always speaks to me of Deb.

On Friendship

Kahlil Gibran - 1883-1931 (gender changed for the occasion)

And a youth said, Speak to us of Friendship.

And she answered, saying:

Your friend is your needs answered.

She is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And she is your board and your fireside.

For you come to her with your hunger, and you seek her for peace.

When your friend speaks her mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay.”

And when she is silent your heart ceases not to listen to her heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in her may be clearer in her absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery us not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If she must know the ebb of your tide, let her know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek her with hours to kill?

Seek her always with hours to live.

For it is hers to fill your need but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Deb was true to herself, her convictions and her friends. She was adventurous, loved life and life for her was an adventure. She loved to do and go, she loved small things and wonderful large things in life. She was joyful, playful and spontaneous! With Deb, it was never how or why, always: When?!

Her accomplishments include strong positive self-belief, always feminine and physically gorgeous. I feel she truly lived by the motto “be here now” which she frequently quoted. I miss her daily, I miss her open heart, her never ending positive energy. If there ever was a limit on good friends or good times, I’m sure she would have passed it long ago. Nobody I know is like her! It is a space not easily filled, if ever.

This poem always speaks to me of Deb.

On Friendship

Kahlil Gibran - 1883-1931 (gender changed for the occasion)

And a youth said, Speak to us of Friendship.

And she answered, saying:

Your friend is your needs answered.

She is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.

And she is your board and your fireside.

For you come to her with your hunger, and you seek her for peace.

When your friend speaks her mind you fear not the “nay” in your own mind, nor do you withhold the “ay.”

And when she is silent your heart ceases not to listen to her heart;

For without words, in friendship, all thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;

For that which you love most in her may be clearer in her absence, as the mountain to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the disclosure of its own mystery us not love but a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If she must know the ebb of your tide, let her know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should seek her with hours to kill?

Seek her always with hours to live.

For it is hers to fill your need but not your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Deborah Jensen-Bergen. Will always occupy my heart, my selfishness can’t be measured in a time of emptiness, she held the most beautiful heart imaginable , loosing something that beautiful can’t be replicated in the Spirit of her shadow, as it can be Haunted

By past nostalgia as most good hearts have scars

I knew her when we all called her Debbie. Blond hair, pretty as could be, fun loving and seemingly carefree---seemingly. We thought we were so mature. We were exploring behaving as adults. High School ended. We ventured into the world beyond Sioux City. Revolution, hippies, expanding our minds, a new way of thinking about the world. Debbie wanted to experience it all. She embraced life with curiosity, openness and sometimes reckless abandon. The military chose my experiences.

I knew Debbie as we learned what it really meant to be an adult. Finding careers. (Debbie chose nursing -- psychiatric nursing—how perfect.) She started a family. She embraced family life with the same enthusiasm as everything else she did.

I knew her when she called herself Deborah. The weight of the word on her shoulders. She saw suffering and struggled with walking away, even when her intellect told her there was only so much she could do. She felt responsible for the happiness and wellbeing of so many others. She just wanted to help.

Debbie loved deeply. Debbie was curious and gregarious to the point of risk. Debbie was the epitome of “Girls just want to have fun”. Debbie was a social explorer.

Deborah held onto that curiosity. She struggled with the boundaries of gregariousness, still possessing the impulse but now tempered by a lifetime of experience. Deborah still loved to have fun. A laugh so infectious it was impossible not to be drawn into the party. Deborah struggled to love deeply, desired to love deeply, but carried a lot of scars. Deborah never stopped exploring, in particular the human mind and how to relieve the pain and suffering it can cause.

Deborah gained new understanding of Debbie as she watched her two beautiful, accomplished daughters live their lives. Exploring the world. Raising their children. Having similar life experiences as she did. Offering advice and watching how they handled situations differently in a different time.

Deborah was not ready to die. She had so much to look forward to. She was just at the beginning of new ambitions, new enterprises, new challenges, new insights about life and what it all means, new grandchildren. It hurts deeply to see this end so abruptly - like a sucker punch.

I loved Debbie. I loved Deborah. Our lives were connected in both usual and unusual ways. Our connections to one another could be simple and could be complicated. It took a lifetime to understand some of them. Together we celebrated the journey and cherished the connections in all of their manifestations.

I learned so much about life from you. My life was so much better for knowing you. I’m going to miss you terribly Deb.  

Please know our hearts go out to Deb's beautiful family.  What a special lady.  May her memory be for a blessing.

Sandi and Frank Baron