I am grateful for the time we shared and the time he got to spend with my kids. I wish there was more time, there are so many things we didn't get to experience together.  We have all expressed mixed feelings, frustrations, and heartache in recent weeks, and I know we will continue to process this loss in our own ways.  Curtis was far from perfect as we all are, he had his own version of faults; but I can truly say that I knew that he cared about his kids, and I knew he cared about me.  I couldn't tell you the number of times, I ended up with his coat, while he froze!  I will cherish the time we did have and grieve for the time we will miss.  He always tried to help me when I asked, I remember one year he dressed up as Santa to help me surprise the girls one Christmas morning and showed up to the door to pretend that Santa forgot a present for the girls when they were little.  He would be such a trooper, and his kids could talk him into almost anything back in the day!  I remember when Curtis, Jacob and Elizabeth all lived with me, oh did they have him wrapped around his finger; he would use the line “we have to follow Aunt Angie’s rules” so he didn’t have to be the bad guy! Curtis may not have always shown it, but he was a proud father.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Partial quote from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross -

"The truth is that you will grieve forever. There is no “getting over” losing a loved one, just because we may have expected this outcome, doesn't mean we have accepted this outcome or prepared for this outcome. We will learn to adjust to this new reality. We will start to heal, rebuild ourselves around this loss. We will be whole again in the future, even though we will never be quite the same."