It's been a year to the day since we lost someone who left such a stamp in our minds and (to some) their hearts.

One year ago. Life has continued for an entire year, leaving those grieving in a state of uncertainty; how does one go about life without him here for any of it. The firsts have (mostly) been attempted, struggled through, and then surpassed.

But not one day goes by without a thought going to you. I'm so thankful for the year right before your departure; we had gotten closer than I had ever would have imagined and for that I'm eternally thankful and grateful.

They say you don't know what you have until it's gone. I like to think we all knew what Cody was like under all of his imperfections, flaws, struggles and misguided decisions. Under it all, he really was a genuinely good guy. The world just ate away at him in ways where it was harder to see at times.

He really wanted to do right by everyone, he hated the way his choices led him down the road he was on. One of my last conversations with him was about this very subject. He had lost hope but still kept hanging on.

I knew my whole life that I loved my brother, even on days where I didn't exactly *like* him. Getting closer to him helped me understand him as a PERSON and not just someone who struggled with addiction. This just further solidified not only the feelings of love for my brother, but also the deep, gut wrenching feelings of loss and grief.

It may be a year now that he left us, but nothing will ever feel sure without him here. Struggling through his birthday the 1st time gonecould very well be just as hard as his birthday after 15 years gone.

There will forever be a hole in my heart that I will never be entirely sure how to fill or ease. My hope is to voice this publicly In an area where others who may be struggling can also find solice.

I'd like to try to remember more good than bad. My goal is to use this space to store memories, jokes, pictures, anything really. I want to remember him as a person, not as one who had succumb to his struggles and vices.

I miss you, Cody. It's been a year since you left us, but it hurts just as much as it did when I first heard the news.

I hope you're watching over us, laughing at us, picking on us when you can, all while basking in a peace you couldn't find while you were with us.

I miss you more than you will ever know. My childhood memories had you in most of them, whether we liked it or not. Best friends at times, vengeful enemies many others.

But siblings first and forever.