I should have written before this, however, we have been waiting for further testing and information with our daughter Codie Counterman. I have been more lost than I ever have been. It has not been getting easier, as I am getting more questions than answers. I am completely lost. Hell, every day is harder. I know how we always kept everyone in check, but don’t understand how hard it is to be missing one when everyone is still here. All we want is answers to understand!
I am mad at myself for not talking, pushing, or understanding the situation better, Louis, as we found, through many sources, disrespected, hit, strangled, and assaulted you on many occasions. You hid it very well. You always seemed to find excuses, blame yourself, or never go around people who knew. You didn’t take advice from yourself or anyone who tried to help. He always questioned your loyalty, but you gave him more loyalty than you gave yourself. I will live with his last words, spoken to your sister and I, with no remorse, no emotion, when I asked him where you were or what was going on and he said “She’s on an autopsy table. Law enforcement says they cannot investigate; they predetermined you as an overdose with the house, history of drugs, overdoses, and people with a long list of criminal records as witnesses; they don’t have a victim who can talk; that could have left or called 911; the Medical Examiner cannot state how long you may have laid there with four to six other people, in the house, who said they saw, heard, knew nothing, with bruises, cuts, abrasions, bite mark, and superficial marks. She felt they didn’t lead to your death, and the only thing revealed in the post-blood testing work is ethanol. I now am starting to understand your feeling when you have said many times “no one is listening “or you felt you were not being heard. Even as I felt you didn’t hear anybody about being with Louis and the many red flags he showed. Not that I ever pictured it leading to this, Never thought you would be gone!
I feel you should not have been in that house or been in the emotional, mental, and physical state as your messages, text, and pictures show while in the on-and-off relationship. Along with the details of your final message, you stated, “u aren’t sorry for shit” You thought you could be a good influence, you could change him; you could make him better, you could give him better than he has had, however, all he did was take from you, take from us and take from the world... your family will now have to start planning your funeral services, yet we don't know that anyone will ever be held responsible for what we have learned you have gone through and learn how to live this new way of life without you and what you would have offered the world. Like the story he has been feeding you about how bad his life is…you will become part of his story. But now he gets to add a new chapter as he moves on to the next one. He is not the one planning a memorial service for you, holding onto every detail of your life, your personality, or what you had to offer this world ... He will be alive, maybe pretending to have loved and cared for you or at least the things you did for him. Maybe he will remove your pictures and act like he didn’t know you; like he has done with the long list before you? Either way, He gets to see, visit, and call his family, and friends. He gets to live life, continue smoking his pot or whatever drugs, drinking daily, playing in the Xbox game world, and continuing to take from others as he seems to have a history of doing with many. He continues to make excuses as to why he is the way he is, and someone again will come along and do the same as you or as we learned the ones before you...
Just know I don’t wish him dead. I will upon him to receive the same treatment, that I am learning the depths and seeing through the saved messages, pictures, and recorded calls, I have now understood what he put you through… He gets to just breathe…….
As heartbreaking as this is for our family daily, maybe others going through emotional, mental, or physical abuse, and the idea that they love you (love does not hurt or leave bruises), or it is going to get better (Not by controlling you or others around you), or you think you can change someone (Only they can change themselves or their behaviors) will see through the behavior of another before their family is baring the same questions or heartache we are. He will move on as he has done so many times before, block, remove, or take down whatever memories. He will have new friends, family, and others to take advantage of, but there is one thing he didn’t take into consideration... this mama! I will kindly show or remind anyone who needs to see any proof of the damage he is capable of! Don’t give me, you saw nothing, you heard nothing, you know nothing when he couldn’t leave you out of his sight!! There is so much more that has not been revealed here!!
I really pray anyone who is in a similar situation takes a better look at their situation, leans on someone, Seeks help, or please gets out... please look at what the red flags are, Please know it can happen to you also, Please don’t let your family have the same questions, heartache, loss, and leave them to bury you...
Thank you to the friends who keep checking in on us, the doctors, and the law enforcement officers that offered all the advice and help, during our time of completely crushing loss, confusion, and heartbreak, it will never be forgotten...
I am sorry if you don’t agree, so many love and miss you, even if you don’t believe it, but this is all we have and can see. We really need help to move forward with an understanding and what the positive comes out of losing you in such an ugly way... your family and friends love and miss you more than you realize or that we are trying to handle...
Pinned
Share with others
Donate in memory
