EULOGY OF CAROLINE ELLISON GIVEN BY HER SON, CHRIS ELLISON

     Good evening, everyone. On behalf of my sister Catherine and my brother James, I want to thank you for coming, recognizing that some of you came long distances. It is a blessing to have you all here. I am Chris Ellison, youngest son of Caroline. Mom passed away exactly one year ago this evening, around 11:30 pm, so this is a fitting time to gather for this service. This headstone marking both Caroline's and Richard's place of interment, was also just recently completed. For various reasons, this service was some time in coming , but in the end, I am glad we can take this moment, here in this peaceful place, to praise God for His daughter who came to know him through His Son, Jesus Christ. Throughout most of her adult life, my mother was a faithful follower of Jesus. She strove to apply the truth revealed in His scriptures, the Bible, including his call for believers to spread His good news to others. My own testimony of coming to know Christ includes my mom. She was also committed to discipling other believers, consistently studying the scriptures with others. So, it is appropriate to begin this service sharing in God's word, reading one of Mom's favorite passages, Psalm 46,

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

Though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,


the holy place where the Most High dwells.

God is within her; she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see what the Lord has done,

the desolations he has brought on the earth.

He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth.

He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the shields with fire.

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth.”

The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.

     Let us pray. Heavenly Father, we praise you for your revealed truth. Mom knew these truths, including your promises in Psalm 46. She knew that you are a Holy God, eternal, destined to be exalted above all the nations. Thank you that she knew the comfort in your command to, "Be still, and know that I am God." Through your Son, Jesus Christ, she knew you and your commands, as you loved her before the beginning of time, desiring to be reconciled with her. Thank you for loving Mom as you do all of us, with a love that "extends to the heavens." Your love for us is steadfast, a love that is unshakable and unconditional. A love that is eternal. We praise you, Lord, for the greatest expression of your love for us in the giving of your Son, Jesus, who we know is now with Mom in eternal glory. Please bless this time. May our words and thoughts be pleasing to you, and may we give you, alone, the glory for all the wonderful thoughts and memories we have of her in this time, while we still miss her tonight. Thank you for that gift of memory, of reflection and may your Holy Spirit spark a memory in our minds of her that reflects your love and mercy in our lives. I pray this in your son's name. Amen.

     Mom often recalled the moment she believed I was born again, involving a question I asked while we were sitting in a pew of the First United Methodist Church of Succasunna, just 15 minutes from here. This was when I was 8, so 47 years ago. My question came up during a sermon that she would remember as being very evangelistic, speaking of the good news that we all can be saved by believing in Jesus. My question was, "What does steadfast love mean?" I want us to reflect about what God's steadfast love, really means. In scripture the English term "steadfast love," is translated from the Hebrew word, KHESED, a specific word God uses to describe Himself in the scriptures. This love is not a feeling. It is a commitment, a covenant relationship that God established with Israel in the Old Testament. In the New Testament, we see God's love expressed in the Greek word agape. This love is also not just a feeling, it too is a covenant love that is based on a promise. like KHESED. However, as revealed in its most famous use in the well know JOHN 3:16, agape love is unconditional and self-sacrificial. Agape love is "steadfast love," expressed in the teachings of Christ. It is the love that He and The Father have for all of us, the entire world, brought to action in His death on the cross and in His resurrection. My Mom spoke often of this love in the next 47 years since that church service in the 1970's to last May 2023 in the hospital - as she raised our family, worked hard at home and hard outside our home to support us financially and spiritually; when my father left his career and attended seminary to serve The Lord; as well as in ministry with him and in retirement. Through the good times over the years, she would praise Jesus for His mercy and grace. In struggles over the years, she never expressed doubt to me regarding Jesus' love for her. When she got through recent medical challenges like her appendectomy and her infected knee, she would give Him the glory. I am sure, like all of us, she had seasons of doubt or discouragement in suffering, but even in her last 2 months here with us, she always expressed her confidence that she was loved by God no matter what. What a blessed testimony showing God's power and steadfast love.

     This nearly 50-year life journey of closeness with the living Savior was not walked carelessly. Both my mother and father always relied on a Christian community, as advised to by scripture. That First United Methodist Church in Succasunna I mentioned previously was the first, along with a group called MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER, which was key in my parent's walk with Christ. Although they would change churches, even denominations, over the decades, the couples they met in MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER in the 1970's remained lifelong colleagues in Christ for accountability, fellowship, and growth. Donald Barnes, who passed away recently, was one of the last of that core group with whom Mom continued to study the scriptures, have fellowship with, and pray with. I thank God for him, his wife Carol, who is also with The Lord now, and so many other saints my mom cherished in the body of Christ. Mom's last Christian community, St Paul's United Methodist church in Brick, sustained her over the last decade and some members of that body are here tonight. Thank you for coming to remember Caroline.

     I mentioned bible study. Oh yes, Mom read and knew her bible. Under my Father's often strict academic structure (usually adhering to expository teaching) countless bible studies through the years, with hundreds of fellow believers met in our home, in others' homes and in church classrooms and sanctuaries. Being in the word was always a priority for Mom and that was reflected in one of her favorite family stories. Let's head back to the late 1970's, not too soon after my born again experience I mentioned at the beginning. Before I start, let me just say that if my mom was not telling this story, she would invariably interrupt and correct the storyteller at one key part (I think my brother and sister know what that point is), and I will clearly point it out when I get to it. So, it was an Easter vacation from school that had me and my older brother, James, home alone together one weekday morning. We were both pre-teens, essentially having the same body types (him slim/myself "husky"), and weight ratios as we have today. It was mid-morning, and I recall we had just finished our breakfast, some sugary cereal with a cartoon character on the box. Like most fights we had (yes, a fight is coming) I cannot recall the specific thing he was doing that got me angry, but he was hoarding something I wanted while kneeling on the dining room floor. The dining room location is key since that room was my mother's pride and joy. She had waited several years for its completion by my father's "DO IT YOURSELF" labor on weekends and vacations. He was the sole electrician, carpenter, hanger of dry wall, spackler and painter (the last three jobs he hated and will come into play later in the story). She had bought a beautiful dining room set and crystal chandelier which I believe to this day (along with her ironed tablecloths, napkins, tapered candles, china, and silverware), was a fulfillment of her childhood dreams hosting her own joyous family dinners, much like the wonderful memories she had as a child visiting her immigrant Portuguese grandparents in Fall River, Massachusetts.

     I was hyped up on the 50 grams of sugar I had just consumed, impatient to have my turn with whatever was occupying my kneeling brother. After repeated verbal requests, I lost my temper. I jumped on his back while he was kneeling on the ground, and we started to wrestle. Remember, similar builds as you see us today so use your imagination on the physical forces involved. I had my arms around his neck which, (looking back on it now, this was not a great idea). This recipe for disaster ended with him desperately trying to get me off his back by thrusting his body backwards causing my back to come against a central portion of a large bare wall, again, remember, in the cherished dining room. After a few blows, it worked. I released his neck, came off his back, but now I was imbedded in the beige wall, neatly within crushed dry wall and amazingly just right in between two studs. The damage was devastating, our dread immediate. Of course, as kids do, we started to devise innocent explanations that would garner sympathy and prevent punishment. Through the years my brother and I fought often, many times to destructive ends. There was precedent for severe consequences for this most heinous escalation involving destruction of such cherished property. In addition, the damage would require hours of my father’s leisure time to repair, with fixing dry wall/spackling and painting, three jobs my father loathed. Despite the high stakes, we came up with no plausible cover story. We rightly decided it was best to tell the awful truth as soon as possible, praying for the best (maybe seeing some of that steadfast love and grace I mentioned before).

     This is the point of the story where my mom would interject to make sure the story was told to her satisfaction. She returned home by lunch, being dropped off by a friend. From where? Mom always wanted to make clear she had been at a BIBLE STUDY. Over the years, my mother, in tongue and cheek pious tones, would embellish the story by saying things like, "There I was, after having a wonderful morning in God's word and fellowship with my church family, coming home to my boys standing at the front door waiting to tell me they put a whole in my dining room wall!" She would mention how her friend, I believe it was Joy Clausen, saw us standing at the front door, with the car was idling and them in conversation. My mom allegedly said, "there's something wrong," and Joy responded, "I'll be praying for you." This exchange was never independently verified. Sometimes Mom would gild to the lily with her often repeated cry, "And I prayed for boys!" Yes, this woman of prayer pointing out the irony of answered prayer.

     So, "the boys" brought her down from the spiritual high she reached at the bible study. Oh, the guilt! Thank God this was 20 years before cell phones and texting, although I do not think we would have had the courage to break the news that way. Ironically, she decided to call my father at work to break the news. After nearly 20 years of marriage, she knew my father's patterns of dealing with bad news and time would help him get perspective and calm down. However, before calling him, she looked at the wall and said, "I'll let your father know and he'll decide what happens." Yikes. I dreaded he would ask for us to be put on the phone. Nope. Just silence from my mom on what he said, and no hint of what punishment was being considered. That was the longest afternoon in Easter vacation history. Pure torture. I think in the end both my parents were happy no one was hurt and that this could put an end to such violence, but the 6 or so hours waiting did make us realize the stupidity of our fight. My father was uncharacteristically late in coming home from work that night (again, my mom would always make sure to add that part of the story to make the tension even more amusing). I recall, as the 4 of us looked at that hole shaped like my backside, was my father saying, "If you both do anything like this ever again, there will be two more holes in walls." Yikes, it was the 1970's after all. I am glad to report that no such issue arose again (to the knowledge of our parents). Of course, my mother went on to attend daytime and evening bible studies despite my brother and I having a bad record. We did not shake her faith or desire to seek God.

     While Mom was in the hospital last year, I was accessing her desktop computer to manage her household and I discovered she had a system set up in the calendar application to remind her of upcoming events, including weekly bible studies. I found countless old spiral notebooks of past and present studies and the largest collection of bibles and devotionals I have ever seen. Into her 80's Mom still thirsted for the word of God and community with other believers that is so essential to having a good, honest, and maturing relationship with The Lord.

     I wish to end tonight with an example from scripture that shows such a relationship. Christ desires to have a personal, loving, and maturing relationship with all of us, and I believe Mom would want each of us to look at our own hearts tonight, in their present state. Do we know Christ? Are we following Him and experiencing His power, grace, and mercy, getting a deeper appreciation of Him? Are we in His word regularly where we find truth and conviction? Is He changing us for the better for His kingdom and glory? Do we KNOW, really KNOW that He always loves us with steadfast love, no matter our circumstances, striving to give Him the glory in the good times and relying on Him through suffering? I would like to read from John 11, when Jesus comes to Bethany after his friend, Lazarus, had been dead for 4 days. Recall that Christ was asked to come and heal Lazarus from his illness by his family but delayed. I encourage you to read and reflect on the entire passage, but time only allows me to start at verse 17, when Jesus finally arrives at Lazarus' home

When Jesus arrived in Bethany, he found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.

Now Bethany was near Jerusalem, only about two miles away. And many of the people had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them about their brother.

When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him; but Mary sat at home.

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask of God, God will give you."

Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise.”

Martha said to him, “I know he will rise, in the resurrection on the last day.”

Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

She said to him, “Yes, Lord. I have come to believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who is coming into the world.”

     What is Martha doing here? First, she challenges Jesus, some even claim she needles him, in pointing out he was too late to heal her brother. Have you ever been let down by someone, especially a close friend? How does that feel? Disappointment? Loss of faith in them? Do you think Martha was feeling that in that moment? Don't we feel disappointment when a prayer is not answered as we wish in the time we desired. Faith remains though if we, like Martha, know the fundamental love and goodness of God. Last spring, we all prayed Mom would be healed yet she died. I do not doubt Jesus loves me and her in that outcome even as I am sad and grieve. I know, like Martha knew, those who believe in Christ will live. She states that belief clearly in her deep grief in missing her brother Lazarus, even affirming she believes Jesus is the promised Messiah coming to save the world. Yet Christ had much much more in mind than what Martha knew, and He went on to show her that. Even those visiting the grieving family got to witness a higher level of God's power and grace as Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead right then and there. They all experienced another level of God's steadfast love for them in the powerful resurrection of a man dead for 4 days. This was not another healing like they had witnessed before. They saw Jesus, weeping that his friend was dead, use the power of God to bring him back to life. This was the time to show his followers who He really was, the source of life. I repeat from verse 25, "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die, and whoever lives by believing in me will never die." Soon Christ Himself would die on the cross. He would be raised 3 days later by the very same loving and powerful God.

     My prayer for all of us, and I have the confidence in knowing my mom, that she would have the same prayer, is that we all remember, no matter the highs and lows, God loves us deeply and desires we have life everlasting. As it was for Martha and all gathered at Lazarus' tomb, as it was for my mom, He desires a relationship with us that is honest, growing deeper and more meaningful. Today, God wishes for us to spread the good news of Christ saving the lost. Thank you, Mom, for speaking and living the good news, being an example of a woman desiring to please God first. I love you; I miss you dearly in this moment, but I know I will see you again.