As most of you know, we've already had a Memorial for Brian. It was at Grace Memorial Crematorium in St. Clair Shores on Sept. 30, 2025 from 4 p.m. - 8 p.m. I would like to Thank everyone who attended. A lot of Brian's friends came.. it definitely made my heart happy. And also.. there were several friends that DIDN'T attend that I really thought would be there. That's something I won't forget. But, that's ok. Shame on them. That's something THEY have to live with. I now know who his true friends were. The whole day is mostly a blur to me now. I put on as happy as a face as I could that day & I just went. I was actually still in shock. Almost denial, I think. I attended, but mentally I wasn't there at all! I planned this great speech about my beautiful Son also. Planned on talking all about him. Unfortunately, when the time came.. after watching my 2 oldest boys break down, I couldn't get up and talk. I was frozen. I knew the words wouldn't come out and everything that I had been holding in would come pouring out! I was afraid I'd get up there & just start bawling my eyes out. But afterwards, even now, it's my biggest regret! I feel like I let Brian down. How could I not stand up there & talk about my child. The child I would never hold, never kiss, never say I love you to again?? I so wish I would've been stronger that night. Wish I could've stood up there with my head held high and told everybody what a great Son & person he was. That he was my Best Friend! That we took care of each other.. that we mentally just.. got each other! Sure, we got mad at each other. Sometimes, quite often! But we never stayed mad at each other. We'd always end up laughing about our fights. Calling each other bullheaded or little assholes! My God do I miss that boy!! We were together every single day! When I didn't feel good, he took care of me! When he didn't feel good, I took care of him! When he was down on himself, I would knock sense into him. Never let him beat himself up too bad. The kid was dealt a bad hand. He unfortunately had a lot of health issues and it sucked! But I never left his side. I was with him through everything. Stayed every night at that hospital for 3 months after the car accident. Then again a few years ago when he almost died after he was in a coma. Almost 5 months! Took care of him at home for a year afterwards. I wouldn't take one single day back either!! To anyone reading this that attended his Memorial, I'm truly sorry I didn't get up and speak that night. As I said.. it's my biggest regret. But know this, it's not because I had nothing to say! I could go on forever about how amazing he was, believe me! I froze because when Brian died, a part of me died too. He took a piece of me with him you see. It's been a little over 4 months now since he passed & I'm STILL broken! I'm STILL lost! I STILL have a hard time functioning, getting outta bed, talking to people! I'm really trying.. I don't completely break down every single day now. But it doesn't take much for me to cry. Brian's always on my mind. I constantly talk to him. I want a sign from him and sometimes get really angry that I haven't gotten one yet. I just wanna know.. IS HE AT PEACE? IS HE SCARED? DOES HE SEE ME? IS HE HAPPY? SAD? IS HE WITH HIS DAD? MY MOM & DAD? For those of you who don't know.. his Dad (GREG) died exactly ONE MONTH after he died! Pretty messed up, huh? My other 3 boys lost their baby bro and their Dad all in one month! That's messed up! I have so many unanswered questions. A Mother should never have to bury a child she gave birth to. It's the most unbearable, unexplainable heartaches there is! And then to lose their Father.. who happened to be my closest & oldest friend. He promised me he'd move back to Michigan & we were gonna watch our Grandbabies grow up together! Then he broke that promise. Brian left so he checked out. He wasn't there to comfort me like he should've been. He just left me! Left our other boys! Of course I'm devastated that's he's gone.. but right now, I'm angry with him. I have that right to be too. My heart is broken. I'm broken. No service has been planned for Greg yet. We will be having something soon though. Just trying to get through the loss of Brian a little bit first. A few days after Brian's Memorial.. everything hit me & I completely lost it! Poor Andrew thought somebody else died. Strange how grief works. I do know.. it's the worst feeling in the world though! But if we didn't LOVE... I suppose we would never have anybody to grieve over. So I guess a person who's able to grieve is also a person who is also lucky enough to have love in their life. Love without grief would mean you never truly loved I suppose.