No mistake in tango. Tango on, Ben!

Today is Ben’s Yahrzeit (death anniversary). In his memory we have asked anyone who knows us to watch one of his favorite movies: Scent of a Woman, starring Al Pacino. After you watch, please post a comment here, or on Facebook or Instagram, and let us know your thoughts on the movie (and Ben if you knew him.) Thanks,  it means a lot and anytime in the near future is fine.

Hi Ben, happy birthday buddy. And happy Ben’s birthday to all who loved him. 

I came across this Tom Stoppard quote from “The Coast of Utopia” yesterday. 

“Because children grow up, we think a child's purpose is to grow up. But a child's purpose is to be a child. Nature doesn't disdain what lives only for a day. It pours the whole of itself into the each moment. We don't value the lily less for not being made of flint and built to last. Life's bounty is in its flow, later is too late. Where is the song when it's been sung? The dance when it's been danced? It's only we humans who want to own the future, too. We persuade ourselves that the universe is modestly employed in unfolding our destination. We note the haphazard chaos of history by the day, by the hour, but there is something wrong with the picture. Where is the unity, the meaning, of nature's highest creation? Surely those millions of little streams of accident and wilfulness have their correction in the vast underground river which, without a doubt, is carrying us to the place where we're expected! But there is no such place, that's why it's called utopia. The death of a child has no more meaning than the death of armies, of nations. Was the child happy while he lived? That is a proper question, the only question. If we can't arrange our own happiness, it's a conceit beyond vulgarity to arrange the happiness of those who come after us.”

While I haven’t come around to the full conceit of this quote, I do find it beautiful for many reasons, especially the question it asks, “Was the child happy while he lived?” Ben, you were joyous, bountiful in happiness, excitement, verve, and passion. And even as you struggled, you maintained your courage, your determination, the strength that was etched in your DNA, to love and to fight for what you believed in. You poured the whole of yourself into each moment. You showed us the meaning of nature’s highest creation; you taught us what it is to be alive. 

I believe you are with us everywhere and in every moment of every day. And I believe that today, you are especially holding tight to those who need your presence and love the most. We who love you & love them are, too. 

Sending extra big hugs to Luann, Ken, and Annie today. Love you all. 

Dear Ken, my deepest condolences as we approach Ben’s yahrzeit. You and Ben are often in my thoughts. I remember our dog park walks as you would talk about your son and update me on how he was doing. I remember us watching a Super Bowl together. That memory in particular felt timely this week, with Ohio State winning the national championship. I thought back to that Super Bowl and wished I could watch the Ohio State game with you guys. And then I rewatched Rudy just last night. I envisioned you and Ben watching together. It’s an all time great father-son movie. As many do, I love the scene where all the starting players come into Devine’s office and leave their jerseys on his desk in an effort to to convince the coach to let Rudy dress for the Georgia Tech game. I appreciated the lines between Roland, the very first player through the door, and Devine especially as I thought about you and Ben. Devine says “you’re an All-American and our team captain. Act like it.” And Roland responds “I believe I am,” and then sets his jersey on his coach’s desk. That response made me think of you over the course of time we have known each other. You are always standing up, doing the right thing, being there for others. Most especially as a dad, for Ben. I miss you and you are especially in my thoughts as we reach this milestone. Bless you and Ben.  

Dear Ken,

     I just finished watching “Rudy.” It’s a sweet sincere movie. I liked it a lot.

As I was watching the movie I realized I have seen two of the actors in theaters in Baltimore. One is Sean Astin, who played Rudy. His dad is John Astin, of Addams Family fame. John retired from Hollywood many years ago and moved back to Baltimore where he was born and once attended John’s Hopkins. He took up teaching theater at Hopkins and I saw several plays he directed. He loved live theater. He directed plays in the Barn, a tiny 100 seat theater. One time, I attended “Our Town,” which John directed and performed in. This was twenty years ago. It was shortly after the release of “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy. During the performance, some girls started talking about someone in the audience. They were quite unable to contain themselves. When the intermission came, I saw who they were talking about. It was Sean Astin, who was Sam in “The Lord of the Rings.” The girls were smitten with him. He was handsome and small, smaller than me, and I was always the smallest boy in school. But Sean was confident as well as small and handsome. Sean reminds me of Ben; small, handsome, and confident.

The other actor I have crossed paths with in Baltimore is Charles Dutton who plays Fortune, the groundskeeper, in “Rudy.” His local nickname was Rock because he was tough. He actually was convicted of murder back in the day. He found acting while he was incarcerated. When he got out of jail, he attended Towson State University. I saw him in a play at TSU called “The Detective.” He had the title role. Some people act. Some people act well. A few have the ability to explode on stage and you must watch them. Rock is one of the few. He was phenomenal. You can’t believe how powerful he can be. I’m sure that’s the quality they saw in him when they cast him as Fortune in Rudy. He delivered that powerful speech to Rudy right after he quit. Everyone wants to quit sometimes in life, but Fortune convinced Rudy to get back in there and fight. Fortune would not let up. Rudy kept fighting until the end. Ken, I know you did your best to encourage Ben. You gave him your all and he did all he could to live. You were Ben’s Rock. 

I never met Ben. Ken is my only link. As the father of a grown son Conor, I have a notion of what their relationship may have been like. Conor is also a UCLA alum. We also enjoy movies together and share our opinions with a good deal of humor in the conversations.  ( his opinion is often at odds with mine). My take on this movie is that it is about humility. About realizing your limitations and still giving yourself room to follow your dreams. It is an attitude that defies rationality. It is also an open invitation to unimaginable progress. Ken, I take great joy in being included as part of your goal of living your best life. There is in AA a line at the end of a very inspirational book that says " cease not for life." That is a wonderful goal in itself.  Thank you.

I didn’t know Ben very well nor very long. What I did know of him was that he was focused and committed to trying hard for everything he believed in and wanted.  He could no doubt see in Rudy that there would be many obstacles, he chose to keep moving ahead even when it took tremendous mental and physical strength, and when failure seemed imminent.

Certainly can imagine all the thoughts and conversations that must have ensued between Ben and Ken, sharing the significance of Rudy as both a person and a symbol.

I thought it was a great and well-done movie that pulled me into both sports and physical challenges that I’d not felt nor understood till being a part of it all via Rudy the movie….. thanks for bringing me in.

Dear Ken, Thank you for the invite to watch RUDY...I may never have seen it otherwise.  A truly heartwarming story of a special young man holding fast to his dream while inspiring humility and humanity in those around him.  I do love a good underdog story. Knowing  this one was important to Ben and you moved me to many tears. My heart is with you as you observe Ben's Yahrzeit.  🤍

Rudy:  Your dreams matter for your and for others!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

They matter to you to make you a complete soul...without dreams (whether fulfilled or not)...your soul is smaller.

They matter as an example to others.  To give hope, to give courage to dream and above all continue to pursue dream no matter who is supporting you (or not).  

You are worth it.  (You Ben will forever leave a mark in all hearts who knew you)

Rudy. I don't love football. But I love this story which is about remarkable courage. And the truth that courage requires more than just the presence of something, strength, tenacity, but the surrender of so much more. This young man walks into exile over and over in pursuit of a burning vision in an unknown world that calls to him against all odds, away from safety and in solitude, towards his heart's calling. True and real. 💙

1/18/25 Benny Ben Ben Ben. Miss you and your smile and your cracking-up laugh and your heart, and your grit.  Miss our coffee/breakfast talks.  I'd give you every turkey leg, every Thanksgiving forever, to hug you again.  Just donated money to ALD foundation and promise to do that each year around your yarzeit -- so maybe one day, no one will suffer and leave their life and their family way too soon as you did.  You are with us, Ben.  Always.  Love, Aunt Pam

Rudy's locker room speech (Val Kraus Stayskal sharing as best quote from the movie 💙

I just watched Rudy on a flight back home to Denver from Chicago. As much as I wanted to dislike it for its corniness and swelling, overdone music, it had me in tears by the end. Really well done and I can see why you guys loved to watch it together. What a great story. I will not nitpick my criticisms of the movie.

Rudy and Ben are Mighty

Thank you Annie for sending out the video again.  I think of Ben almost every day  

Chris will be getting married next November and Ben would have been one of his groomsmen   Chris has not decided what he is going to do but he will be honoring Ben in some way   He will also be inviting your parents to the wedding  

Ben & Michelle on Buckeye Game Day🏈 — with Michelle & Jim Thomas

Memorial video for Ben's celebration of life in Kent, Ohio on April 27, 2024. There is a chunk of the video where there is no music, because of Youtube's copyright restrictions, you would have heard AC/DC's "Livewire" and the Eagles' "Take it Easy," some of Ben's favorites. This link opens the original version of the slideshow: https://photos.app.goo.gl/QKB1Sj7hpXvttbJk8. If it doesn't work, and you'd like to watch the original version, please contact Annie and she'd be happy to send you the video directly. 

Ben's Funeral Service - recorded March 24, 2023, Congregation Sukkat Shalom

When I picture Ben it’s with a big grin on his face. He had such an ease with people, with stories, with facts, with jokes, with joy. He was a special kind of person and it was an honor to share space with him, to watch him grow up and become such an exceptional young man. He had such passion for every thing he did. It’s so hard to imagine what you’ve all gone through these last several years and the pain you’re experiencing now. His passion, his joy, his zest for life will never be forgotten. It will live on in all of us who were blessed to walk this earth with him. He was one of a kind. Sending endless love to a magnificent family. “He existed.  He existed. We can be. Be and be
 better. For he existed.” With love and hugs, Jillian 

We have many memories of Ben making us laugh with his impressive sports stats. He was passionate about all sports and was amazing with if…then… His spirit and energy guided his life. Great young man gone too soon💔💙

I am so sad to hear this, and so sorry for your loss. I remember in my years doing radio at WGBK always being astounded by Ben's brilliance and wisdom beyond his years. I remember listening to Ben & Ben's sports show, always in awe, of the recall and analysis skills these 16 year olds possessed. To add, I didn't even care at all about sports! I'd just tune in to be impressed. Far as I was concerned, it was the most professional sounding show we had on the roster. Ben always had a smile and something witty to say, and while we lost touch after high school, the bravery and inner resolve he wielded to "tango on" - as you've written - in the face of such a battle, has left a profound and indelible mark on me.