It feels like a lifetime ago, but in 2009, Akshay and I took a trip to Texas to meet some juniors of his. I had met Prashant before, but I had no idea who this “zulfi” guy was. You picked us up, and within the first 5 minutes of us meeting, we were laughing our heads off. The next day we went to watch a movie, and for the life of me I can't remember why, but we ended up in two cars. Prashant and Akshay in one, and you and I in the other. And since everything in Texas is at least 45 minutes away, we got to talking. That conversation, right there, is when I knew. You and I were going to be friends. It wasn’t the fact that every song that played in your car was amazing. It was also not the fact that your food choices were brilliant. It was not even the hilarity of your jokes. It was just that…you and I, we got each other.

You moved to California and that was one of the best things to have happened to our friendship. There was a period of time when you lived with us. Looking back, those were the good old days. We used to play rock band till 3-4 in the morning. I remember once we played video games till 5, went to Denny’s for breakfast, and then came home to sleep all day.

We went from young adults to grown ass humans together. Every job interview I had, I discussed it with you. Every salary negotiation you ever had, you discussed it with me. We could talk about careers, families, movies, music and everything in between.

You didn’t really like dogs. But you went with Akshay to bring a 6 week old puppy home. You took your laundry basket to carry her in. And that’s why, 10 years later, you still are her favorite hooman.

When Akshay and I found out we were expecting, I think you were the first person to know after our immediate families. You, of course, knew it even before we said anything, just by the look on my face. When Eshan was born, you were there. At the hospital. Ready to do whatever Akshay and I needed. I remember you entered the room and I handed a newborn baby to you, without realizing that you had never held a baby before. Oh the look of terror in your eyes!

But that moment sealed you and Eshan together. To him, you were the coolest person ever. You could even turn off the sun for him! When I told Eshan that you passed away, he started crying. For a few minutes, all he kept saying was “He was my best friend. I want him back”

And that pretty much echoes my sentiment. You were so much more than a friend. You were a brother to me. Every Diwali, I insisted that you come. And you obliged. I made sure you ate an unreasonable amount of food, and of course you did, because that’s what little brothers do. I would give you a hard time and you would grin and bear it.

It was always the little things. Every birthday, you would give me a gift that showed me just how much you listen and care.

The reason this is hard is because you were so ingrained in our lives. We did mundane things together. Like listening to music while we folded laundry. Like having ordinary breakfasts, lunches, dinners, drinks and midnight snacks together. Like changing flat tires and fixing doors after a break-in. Like painting the house, and moving in. So much of what we shared is not photographed because it wasn’t just good times. It was also hard times. And boring times. We didn’t just have good times together. We lived our lives together. We grew up together.

And now, every mundane thing is a reminder that you’re not here. Somehow, I’m supposed to go on living my life without you. The last couple of years have taken a lot from me. And I think it has fundamentally changed who I am. Because now, I love people a little more deeply, I hold my loved ones a little closer and I tell them that I love them more often. I know you knew how much I loved you. I just wish I had said it more.

So, one last time, I want you to know, Arpit. I love you. You were my little brother and I will love you forever. There will always be a stocking with your name on it every Christmas because you never forget family! Till we meet again.