On November 14, 2021, Amy Darlene McCrady Castillo spent a beautiful autumn day doing what she loved best–exploring nature with her three dogs and chosen son, Alan Wilder. In her last hours, she proclaimed that the day had been so good she felt like she “needed a cigarette” at the end of it, despite having given up cigarettes in 1994. She spent her last moments appreciating the beauty of the sun setting over the grasslands of Wyoming.

Amy (known as Darlene throughout much of her life) was born on December 9, 1956 and raised in the Appalachian hills of east Tennessee by her grandmother, Amy Lay. She was a quintessentially tough and kind Appalachian woman. Although she left the region when she was young, the values of the culture she was raised within shaped her–her kindness, generosity, and resilience have been matched by few in this life.

Amy did not need God to give her a reason to be kind–she was generally disillusioned by the hypocrisy present in organized religion and stood firm in her atheistic beliefs throughout her life.

In 1985, after being told by her uncles that she would never survive in the military because she wasn’t “tough enough,” Amy got drunk, drove to a military recruiting office, fell asleep in the parking lot, woke up the next morning and enlisted in the United States military at the age of 29.

She was stationed in Neu-Ulm, Germany, where she met a mediocre and perfidious man from Elizabeth, New Jersey. Meeting him was regrettable on all counts, save that thanks to him she met the person who would love her more than anyone else on this earth.

Throughout her life, Amy found joy in raising her daughter and working in the service and caregiving industries. In later years, she enjoyed thrifting and hiking in the desert with her chosen son, Alan Wilder. She also loved spending time with her dogs and cooking for her family.

Amy will be remembered for her strength and resilience, as well as her unwavering generosity. She leaves behind a legacy of altruism and unconditional love that will live on in the hearts and actions of those who were closest to her.

Amy was preceded in death by her mother, Oneeda McCrady, her grandmother who raised her, Amy Lay, and a long list of aunts and uncles who were more like siblings: Beulah Donoho, Jerry Lay, Harold Lay, Sue Mullins, David Lay, Ronnie Lay, Janice Lay Lane, Mikey Lay, and Ricky Lay.

She is survived by her daughter, Lauren Wilder, and her chosen son, Alan Wilder. She also leaves behind her three devoted dogs, Sara, Jess, and Logan, along with an aunt who was like a sister, Cheryl Howington.

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