Having him as a brother was like having an angel on loan in my life. He brought out the best in me and many people. His pure innocence, his unpretentious smile, his stubborn determination, his weeping sadness, his beautiful blue eyes, his effort to express himself, and his total and complete joy with the simplest of life's pleasures, all melted my heart. Knowing that he was essentially perfect in spirit...that he had proven himself before he was even born, humbled me. We got to witness greatness trapped in a weak body. But no longer...

He is now FREE! How I long to meet him as he now is. I'm jealous of you Bryce and Phillip.

For now, I have a hole in my life.

After working on myself so intensely these last few years, and working through so many of my issues, I have become much more connected with my emotions. This grieving is so different for me than the shock and confusion of my brothers Bryce and Phillip passing years ago.

With Allen gone, I'm allowing myself to just feel. I sit. I bawl. I ponder. I cry. Through it all, I feel this tension in my bones. I haven't yet truly reached the point of celebrating. I know I will. Right now, I mostly just feel loss. Fortunately, my hope in Christ has saved me from regret, shame, or despair. Instead, I feel a deep peace. I feel a deep sadness. I feel my heart being refined. I'm just allowing it. I wonder how long it will last this intensely. I'm not rushing it. I look forward to the part when I will celebrate as completely as I am mourning.

I miss you, Allen. I love you. You have been an example to me and so many. Thank you for helping me to be a little more kind, a little more aware, a little more grateful, a little more patient, a little more happy, and a little more childlike. You have GREATLY blessed my life.

Your brother,

Eric

I'm so sorry for the loss of Allen. I'll always think of him whenever the movie Enchanted is played, he loved that movie, when I was taking care of him, he went everywhere with us, I had a special container for church he loved to color in church.  We went to a nephew's wedding and when people started dancing he went out there and danced his heart out, made everyone smile 😊. The picture is when we took him camping in our motorhome he loved it & sitting around the campfire. One 4 th of July he saw the neighbors with sparklers and he wanted to do it, I was hesitant at first, but he was very careful & enjoyed doing it & laughing with the other children. He loved my big dog and would sit outside and pet her. I have so many sweet memories with him! We enjoyed his sweet spirit everyday we had with him in our home! 

Thank you Valerie for that opportunity! 

My condolences to You, Paul, and your family 💞