Eulogy

Delivered Monday 20 November 2023 at the funeral service for Reverend Alan Neal in Bridgeport, West Virginia, USA

And

Friday 24 November 2023 at the Memorial Service for Reverend Alan Neal in Canton, Ohio. USA

(0f course this is not an exact version as I did not read the Eulogy, preferring to speak from my heart   But it is a very close representation)

I so appreciate you all coming here today to honour, celebrate and give thanks for the life of Reverend Alan Neal – my Godfather and Uncle.

I know that everybody here loved him very much.

My Godfather, Uncle Alan, I am sure you will agree, was really quite a character. A bit of a legend. A man with a big heart, a heart of gold.

Uncle Alan loved people and folk loved to be around him.

He exuded warmth and people were drawn by this and his thoughtful nature

Always with a twinkle in his eye, Uncle alan was a lot of fun. He loved to laugh and had a great sense of humour.

He loved to walk into a room and announce ‘Never fear, Alan’s here’

Yet at the same time Uncle Alan was incredibly sensitive to the needs of others and would do everything in his power to help anyone who needed help. No matter how great or small the matter

With Uncle Alan I shared so many of my ‘firsts’

With my Uncle Alan

I went to my first football match. I think it was Blackpool playing Leighton orient

I went to my first Dinner Dance. Uncle Alan was, at that time, President of the Master Bakers’ Association for the north west. U.K.

I received from my Uncle Alan, my first volume of Beethoven piano sonatas. It was hardback. How I cherished and lived that volume.

First time I visited a golf course it was in Morcambe, Lancashire. Basically on the cliff top overlooking the sea bay. I caddied for him. (Bribed with kitkats).

With my Uncle Alan I had my first ride in a van. I was about 9 years old and stayed with him at his bakery in Burton in Kendal. We were delivering his bakery goods to many hotels and pubs in the Lake District. It was such a lot of fun, being high up in the van, and, of course, everywhere we delivered became a social call as Uncle Alan was just being Uncle Alan and loving to chat and laugh with his customers.

With Uncle Alan I had my first experience of being in a car in the fast lane on the motorway. Just as my father and Uncle Alan were the very best of friends since meeting at Infant school, and just as they were great buddies, they were also in some ways complete opposites. My father drove cars that did nothing except get you from a to b and he always drove slowly. Uncle Alan liked to have a smart car, usually a Ford Cortina I seem to recall, and he loved to drive fast

The first time I was a bridesmaid was when Uncle Alan’s daughter, Heather, married Paul Morgan in Exeter Cathedral. I was 12 years old. Uncle Alan was so happy and proud walking his daughter down that very long aisle and I followed behind as the only bridesmaid. I don’t think either Uncle Alan or I stopped smiling all day long.

Uncle Alan loved his daughter, Heather, very very much and was so proud of her and her husband, Paul. Heather, like her father, was a great golfer. Indeed so good that when the two of them played as a pair in a competition at their Golf Club, when Heather was about 15 years old, they were doing so well and beating recognised Club Champions….. well the Club suddenly changed the rules mid competition and said that those under 18 years were not eligible to play !

Heather was great cricketer and played for Lancashire ladies. She loves football. The flowers she has sent are in the colours of Blackpool Football club which they supported.

Uncle Alan was deeply moved and proud when Heather was made an Honorary Canon of Exeter Cathedral, a very special honour, and she continues to work as a highly respected judge.

It was so right that Heather married her organ teacher, Paul from whom she took lessons at Exeter Cathedral where he was Organist for many years.

None of us will ever forget the tragedy of Pan Am flight 103 over Lockerbie on 21st December 1988. When Uncle Alan became Rector of the All Saints Scottish Episcopal Church in Lockerbie, it was a relatively small and quiet market town in Scotland. No one Kew it would become the focus of worldwide attention.

True to Uncle Alan’s determination, compassion and love of his fellow men, Uncle Alan rolled up his sleeves to help in every way he could. He spent hours with specialist teams and volunteers searching and noting anything that could be found relating to the crash. As relatives and friends of victims started to arrive from all over the world, Uncle Alan welcomed and cared for them. There were 39 nationalities on that flight, the majority from USA. Uncle Alan not only looked after the relatives and friends in Lockerbie. He continued to care for them throughout his life. He visited these folk in their grief in America. As his life continued he never stopped caring for these folk performing marriages, christenings, funerals, for them and their families, and constantly providing support and care.

Uncle Alan was a Master Baker and served as President of the Master Bakers’ Association (north west). He was a Freemason along with his father, Noel, and brother, Raymond. He resigned as a Freemason when he was accepted for Ordination. His maternal grandparents were deaf-mute and he maintained a close connection with the deaf community

Aged 50, Uncle Alan was accepted for Ordination by the Church of England, the same time as my father.

Uncle Alan and my father, Denis Hardwick, were three days apart in age. They met at infant school in short trousers. Just little boys. And they remained the best of friends

Uncle Alan never forgot any of the many friends he made. Even as he neared the end of his time in this world, we would chat about various folk he knew and he remembered every single person.

As a vicar Uncle Alan loved to share his baking. He would leave loaves of bread on the doorsteps of parishioners. In Troy, here in America, where he served as Rector for many years, he would leave the loaves on doorsteps. He ran classes teaching parishioners to make Hot Cross Buns. I was so happy to show Uncle Alan photos of Ethan – then a little chap – and now a big chap!- showing and winning medals for his beautiful sheep and goats. He loved seeing those photos. The little chap, now big chap, who still calls Uncle Alan ‘Grandpa’. He would have been so thrilled and proud to know that Ethan has just received a big promotion at work.

I give thanks for the immense joy that Auntie Julia brought to my Uncle Alan’s life. And I give thanks for the family that Auntie Julia shared with Uncle Alan. The Maas family who took my Uncle Alan into their lives and hearts.

Well Uncle Alan loved you all so very much and loved being a part of your family. Guys. When you called him Grandpa he called me to tell me. He was so happy.

Well, there are not the words to explain how much he loved you all.

He felt so happy in the arms of your family. That you counted him as one of your own.

Well. What can I say. Thank you guys. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Uncle Alan and I shared a huge love of music. He loved to sing . We would speak on the phone almost every day. It was hard to know what to talk about. If I asked him how he was he would say ‘not bad, not good’. Anyhow. I came up with a plan. So each day we would have a Bible verse of the day, a hymn of the day, which we would sing together (he always knew all of the words), and then a thought to take away until we talked again the next day. I remember once Uncle Alan was feeling a bit glum. I remember saying to him ‘you know, Uncle Alan, God never asks us to cope with more than we are able’. His response ‘Well right now He’s really pushing His luck’.

And that was the spirit of Uncle Alan. Sometimes he would be so tired I would sing him a lullaby and he would fall asleep peacefully.

Just a few short weeks ago, David and I spent a week in Dallas visiting Uncle Alan in his Care Home. We talked, we shared laughter and tears. We hugged. They were very memorable and happy days for which I am so thankful. We would take Uncle Alan downstairs . There was a huge living space/dining room with a beautiful grand piano. I would play the piano and we would sing. Hymns, much loved songs, songs from the wars, songs that we grew with. And typically, because of Uncle Alan’s hugely magnetic personality, the space would rapidly fill with residents and staff, all joining in, everyone enjoying a great sing-a-long.

I miss Uncle Alan so very much. The ocean between us, for the last 24 years or so of his life, was no barrier. I loved visiting him and sharing his life here.

I miss Uncle Alan just for being there.

He was THE constant throughout my life

A rock

A best friend

A buddy

A loving, caring and understanding Godfather

A wise presence

With Uncle Alan it was always the King James Bible and the Book of Common Prayer.

When he served Holy Communion he would welcome all saying ‘this is not my table, this is God’s table’)

Yes, Uncle Alan was proud

He was opinionated: Only he knew how a football team should be managed and that team would never lose a match!

He could have advised the President of USA and the Prime Minister of U.K., and everything would be sorted

On the way to church on a Sunday morning, we would pass playing fields with parents watching their children playing football. And he would say ‘those parents should be in church and the children in Sunday School’. And really, when you look at the world around us and the mess it is in, he had a point.

Uncle Alan was competitive. Any of you who have played Mexican Train Dominoes with him, and I know that many of you have, will know this. We would embark on a gentle game of miniature golf, on the seafront, in Worthing where we live. But it would rapidly become a competition of Olympic proportions! He always won but that was probably a good thing!!!

In Uncle Alan’s last moments, I was able to speak with him by phone. I sang the hymn ‘The King Of Love My Shepherd Is’ and told him how very much I loved him.

I am going to close by singing a short prayer. A prayer loved by Uncle Alan, his best friend, my father, and myself.

It is known as The Sarum Prayer.

It speaks of the presence of the divine and the certainty and comfort of God’s infinite love.

God be in my head, and in my understanding

God be in mine eyes and in my looking

God be in my mouth, and in my speaking

God be in my heart, and in my looking

God be at mine end, and at my departing

Amen

Fiona Harris