36 years ago today you came into my life... you only stayed for 34 of those years and I cherish every moment of them, good and bad and hold tightly to them to keep you with me my sweet beautiful boy... I miss you so much. Happy Heavenly Birthday Zachary!

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For Zachary... Love Mom 

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My dearest Zach,

A year ago at this very hour, your brother Connor and I held your hand willing you to fight and stay with us… watching the numbers on the monitor drop as your life slipped away, your heart beat its last beat and you took your last breath. You left us here and I pray it was to go to someplace better where the pain and anguish you struggled with in this life no longer exist for you. Part of me hopes that you are still with me and part hopes you have no idea what the past year has been like for those of use you left behind. Just in case your wondering…

It's been A YEAR OF… crying and missing you.

A year of staring at a door you’ll never walk through

A year of earth shattering anguish, grief and despair

A year of heartbreaking memories reminding me you’re not there

A year of self loathing, self blame, anger and hate

Where did it go wrong, why couldn’t we figure it out before it was too late

A year of questions with answers that I’ll never know

A year of avoiding birthdays, holidays, and events we couldn’t share

A year of new things I wanted to show or tell you only to remember you weren’t there

And so it’s been a year of me here and you somewhere in the heavens above…

Tomorrow’s a new day, tomorrow I will start another YEAR OF….

I miss you my sweet boy,

Love,

Mom