I learned about Winter when I was about five years old and I immediately fell In love with her and begged my parents every year that we fly out to Florida during the summer to meet her, she was my everything and she is the reason I love dolphins so much.ย At first, I didn't really relate to Winter with a disability necessarily, but when I was about 10 years old, I started struggling with scoliosis, and still am. It's so severe to the point that I walked very differently than most people do, and when I heard about how Winter has a similar problem when she swims without her tail, and that she also had scoliosis, it made me feel a little more confident in myself, made me feel like I wasn't at outcast in school and just out in the world. Winter, even though she didn't really know me, helped me through my darkest moments, I struggle with severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD from a lot of horrible experiences that I went through when I was only 7 years old, and I didn't really have a lot of friends, I would cry in my room almost every night to fall asleep, and I even hurt myself from time to time, but I had this old Winter plushie, one of the original ones, that my cousin gave me when she heard about how I was feeling. That plushie made me feel like Winter was there with me, comforting me with her sweet little tweety bird noises, and It helped me so much, even just hearing her tweets in my mind made me feel a little better when I was at my worst. Oh! Remember when I said that when I was little I begged my mom to fly us out to Florida to meet her? well, it happened! Last year in July, my mom, brother, and I flew out to Florida to visit my grandmother, who lives in Clearwater, and I asked so much to go out to CMA to meet Winter, and she told me that she couldn't say no. I had waited my whole life to meet Winter and it finally happened! The moment we arrived to CMA and got our tickets, I immediately ran over to where to dolphins were, and even though I was almost 13 at the time, I felt like I was a little kid again, I felt happier than I had ever felt in my entire life, people stared at me and my odd posture as I sprinted towards the tanks with the biggest smile ever, but I didn't care, because I was meeting my hero, my inspiration for still being here. I sat by the glass, looking at Hope, PJ, and Winter as they swam around, and my heart was racing with excitement. As I admired them, Winter wiggled her way down towards the glass and when she got there, she stopped and looked right at me, as if she had been expecting me to be there. All of my problems vanished at that moment, as if actually being in her presence healed my heart entirely, like that spot that she already had in my heart, had grown so large that is pushed away everything bad that had nested in there. When we left CMA and then later left Florida, I couldn't think of anything else except for that moment, it felt like my heart was brand new.
It had been a few months since we were in Florida, and I was just sitting in my room, drawing and listening to some music, wishing that thanksgiving break would roll around sooner, dreading the fact that school existed. I was already having a pretty crappy day when suddenly, I got a text from one of my friends.
"Hey, did you hear that the dolphin without the tail died today" My heart dropped, I thought that she was just messing with me.
"That's not funny." I responded to her, annoyed.
"I'm not joking."ย
My heart sank even more and I immeadietly checked instagram since CMA posted on there often and saw the message they wrote to all of us and I broke down in tears, I held my Winter plushie and cried as hard as I could, my heart felt like it had been ripped in half, I couldn't believe that she was gone, that little kid part of my heart felt like it had been squished, I didn't know what to do..
I cried for 2 months, maybe even more. That grief would just never go away, it kept growing and growing. It took me months of help and comfort from the therapy that I had been going to, to start to make that grief shrink a little bit, but even now, almost a year later, that button of sadness that rests in my heart gets hit my the grief bouncing around in there, but I know that shes in a good place now with Panama and now, PJ, swimming and playing forever and ever, and I know that she comes to visit me from time to time.
Swim in paradise, tweety bird, I miss you everyday sweet girl, I hope you're having fun exploring the oceans with Panama and PJ. I love you forever, and I hope we will meet again one day