昨天，带着爷爷去长陵看了奶奶，还有奶奶的爸爸和妈妈。爷爷82了，拄了一根拐杖，慢悠悠走在陡峭的山上，一根筋，很努力。我听他念叨了很长时间，8年来很想念他的老伴儿。

爷爷还是在写诗，昨天的诗是这样的；

上坟

雨过天阴沉，今又来上坟。

阔别七年余，至今难平静。

世道多不平，各人有各命。

天天想着你，走完这余生。

感伤

看人成对成双，

顿觉凄苦凄凉。

想妻如若还在，

何苦生此感伤。

机遇

时运不济，风声鹤唳。

惊慌失措，焦虑无宜。

面对危机，遍寻机遇。

迅捷行动，不懈努力。

借鉴

依模学样，见亮借光。

趋利避害，博采众长。

AI时代

喜欢挑剔，爱找问题。

想出方案，借Al助力。

百折不屈，不轻言弃。

执着死磕，或许出奇。

决定

观念决定心态，

心态决定行为，

行为决定习惯，

习惯决定性格，

性格决定命运。

锻炼

八旬孤老汉，带病常锻炼。

一字马劈叉，弯腰掌触面。

非是要逞能，也不是臭显。

苦中自寻趣，活得自信点。

I should have posted earlier but the account was blocked. Thanks to Chenxi who 've suggested VPN, I managed to get through. 

I took Xianjin to Anzhen hospital yesterday to take an MRI exam. Some indexes were beyond normal which doctors have considered some sort of CP.  Xianjin said he used to buy raw seeds of pumpkin from a market somewhere close to Gulou where Xianjin and Wei were living nearby. He said the seeds worked well for CP.  I'm really skeptical but I will try to find somewhere.

My second daughter is studying in Beijing Gongye University. She's not as smart as her elder sister. So I helped her choose Digital medial technology as her major. Hope she's gonna make an affordable living by herself. Yuchen, the elder one, is a puff the magic dragon living in the US. She doesn't contact me normally, only showing up in a second at the time of festival on the wechat. Note that my nephew has also got an offer in Wuzi college in Beijing, a not-so-good one, studying CS. 

The house prices collapsed in Beijing , with so many "lao deng" people losing money. 

This year I should be thankful to the god, to everybody that cares. 

Xianjin and I drove to Changling yesterday. The schedule was supposed to be normally before Apr. 4, the Qingming Festival. Unfortunately, due to bad weather, we decided to postpone the schedule until yesterday. 

The weather was pretty good. Xianjin insisted on climbing on the upper hill where Grandpa & Grandma stayed. With over 82 years old, he always encouraged us: yong jin fei tui, or getter better by keep exercising his body otherwise getting worse. 

As usual, Xianjin spent 20 minutes reiterating what had happened in China, in our life, and in the world. He felt a bit anxious for what the two powerful countries are battling, leading to a nobody-win situation. He firstly was very grateful for any good news from his elder granddaughter, Yuchen. He still remembered when Yuchen praised herself for having brought "mian-er", or glory in face, to her grandpa, which I remembered was something 8 years ago before moving the State.   Thanks to a very good cultivation from the whole family of her mom, she's gonna be all right, or much more relaxed than her younger sister in China.  In turn, Xianjin requested Wei to keep blessing her Grandson, Ya-ning, who is now over 6"4 high but sluggish to study, and her younger Granddaughter, Xiao-ning, who is obviously overweight, getting trouble in fixing a right way of study and sometimes sluggish, too.  Something anxious and something prosperous, it happens always. 

I also told Wei that I 'm right now in a better shape. So many bad things ever happened to me, but I do not yield. Maybe it's Mom's hint that Xianjin and I successfully had the home in Wenhuiyuan sold, merely 2 weeks before the liberation day followed by a bearish market in real estate in Beijing. Xianjin, Gelei and I have decided to lease a new apartment close to Anzhen hospital, now we're gonna have to speed it up. It seems like Xianjin no longer objects to living with us, nevertheless he reiterated that he had never lived with younger family together, he had to go to the bathroom once every 3 hours in the night, and he didn't know whether he had to cook breakfast for us now and then. These are not the point, the point is, Xianjin is obviously getting not that independent, and I'm determined to stay with him as long as we can. This is certainly my top priority and my no.1 task, nothing to compare.

The day before yesterday, we commemorated 80th anniversary of Mom, quietly. On that day, I received a short message from Dad early morning, mentioning that he had burned some traditional paper and wished mom everything good in heaven, on behalf of the whole family. I tried to appease him and replied that brother and I had never forgot the special day.  Older generations do not want to interrupt into the life of their sons or daughters, but sometimes expressed remotely some anxiety of being left out. These are normal in China. 

I will tell dad that I have recovered from a mini surgery of heart, or radiofrequency ablation.  Dad has suffered from same symptom for more than 20 years. I had tried to suggest him taking third surgeries, but he objected. He has chosen to take medicine as usual. God bless this man, with great heart and fortitude. 

爷爷写了一篇短文，挺好的：

夏日游记

今年七月里，京城的天气热得出奇，一波波热浪来袭，多年不遇。老人们畏惧中暑，窝在家中，休养生息，只是气象台异常积极，忙着天天警示、告急！

所幸老天爷让人喘口气，释放出了难得的凉意。人们抓住周末及学生放假的时机，远去郊外消夏，游点景区。昨天，我随儿子一家三口，一大早驱車前往怀柔水长城景区。由于道路拥挤，导航选择了新路线，倒也一路顺利。沿途，空气清新，景色宜人，远山近景，一览无余，连天空也变得透明了似的。大家一路兴奋，心旷神怡。更惊喜的是，竟然还途经了老伴及父母的墓区。恰巧明日是老伴79周年诞辰，我们当然临时起意，先行去扫祭。墓区，异常静谧，浓荫掩蔽，墓基墓碑清洁如洗，想必，亲人们栖息在这里，尚能惬意。扫墓毕，儿子还难抑欣喜，连说，还是我妈在天上指导着我们，让导航往这边导！这次扫墓，达成了自疫情以来久违的心愿，确实，我也是特别高兴。

继续前行，中午时分到达景区，同伴一家三口也已到达。入住民宿，饭后休息片刻，7人往水长城进发。观景，拍照，坐快艇，乘滑梯，攀爬长城隘口，大家玩得不亦孚！两高中生少年格外放松，四中年职场家长也异常兴奋，连我这位八零老汉，也在儿子、孙女的陪伴、呵护下，勉为其难地撑完了全程，总算没扫大家的兴。登长城，不由得赞祖国河山的壮美，也感叹先人们的智慧、伟大，创造如此奇跡，有多么不容易。三个多小时游玩归来，农家乐的烧烤又让人大快朵颐，游玩的疲劳顿消。饭后还玩了一把双升、捉黑枪，至11点而余兴未了。望窗外，夜空漆黑寂静，凉风习习，远离了闹市区喧嚣，心情倍爽，乐不思蜀。一觉醒来，仍意犹未尽，一会儿，吃完早饭就要启程返城了。真感谢儿媳给我们周到地安排了这次愉块的旅行。

江山如此美好，祖国日益富强，孩子们的未来充满着希望。耄耋老人多想能代替老伴，坚持在世上，为孩子们站好最后一班岗。

二0二三年七月十六日

Dad and my family went out for a short journey last couple of days ago. Thanks to my mom's spiritual guidance, we drove from G6 to G7 and passed right through Jingyangyuan where mom had been rest-in-peace for nearly five years.  The landscape there was as beautiful and peaceful as usual. The palm trees looked taller enough to overshadow most of the tombs and protect relatives from getting sunburned. We didn't stay there for very long, as I knew my mom would push us to go, thank us for coming see her, and remind us of taking good care of each other, as she always did. She is really a person who always thinks others first. I always said time went really really fast, and it did. My Dad is at his 80's, I hope he is doing everthing well. I wish Mom would protect as as always. 

                     告老伴

       离别这四年，

世间频生乱。

       疫情反复起，

人人无安全。

       举国力奋战，

仍难挽狂澜。

       且无论东西，

无国能幸免。

       久惧人生烦，

日子万般难。

       百业临凋敝，

经济滞发展。

       自你走在先，

一直难释然。

       遭此连年疫，

幸你远在天。

       大疫困境前，

家人们怀念。

       无法来陵祭，

只好送纸钱。

       青烟寄祝愿，

天堂享平安。

愿你常欢愉，

心里常舒坦。

老伴

2022.12.14

       今天是我们家最大的功臣，你们亲爱的母亲、奶奶的忌日。她老人家离开我们四年了。因疫情所迫，我们分居在两地、三处，一直不能团聚，只好各自纪念、缅怀老人家的恩情。我们大家都要好好保重，胜利度过疫情难关，各自努力，不辜负她老人家的心愿和厚望，让老人家在天堂能夠安息！

Tomorrow is the Fourth anniversary of Wei. Time went so fast. 

We 've been preventing ourselves from being positive on covid for three years until recently, all the controls were gone. I wish all the families a peaceful transition. 

Xianjin and I went to Fangshan for a wonderful sightseeing on Nov 2nd. and since than we didn't meet as usual. We always talk by Wechat. I just spent 6 days going through a fever-cough-sleepless situation, thanks to a soul support from my Mum since I was a boy. I wish Xianjin could get through it peacefully, too. When Xianjin and I are getting together, we both feel like Wei is still with us, involved in so many interesting things.

This year I made some progress in my job. Everything is ok. Yuchen is terrific. Xiaoning is hard working, too. Life seems to be peaceful and quiet, except that I can't help missing my Mum.

a speech from Xianjin

致辞

今天是你们的母亲、奶奶，我的老伴，我们的亲人郭卫女士的忌日。老大、小蕾夫妻来家里和我一道，与远在兰州的小二、小青一家，通过视频进行拜祭。三年前的今天，老伴与世长辞，不舍地离开了她深深热爱的国，离开了她深切眷恋着的家，离开了这充满着坎坷和诱惑的、纷繁而美好的人间。我们痛彻心扉 ，肝肠寸断，伤心欲绝。在老伴离去的日子里，我一路走来，是深负着遗憾，失魂落魄，寝食难安，面对生活与未来，蹒跚学步，倍尝艰辛，更深感老伴一生给予我的厚恩。老伴你走了，但你的美德、精神和风范，你对我们的恩情和教诲，将永远铭记在我们心中，你一直时刻出现在我的心里。每当狂风暴雨、天寒地冻、冰天雪地时，我就会担心着你，在心中默默地安慰着你，在家中所设灵位前，给你添些你喜爱的食品，给你烧上纸钱，送来寒衣。我们对你终身感激之情，无以言表，时常在和孩子们的聊天中回忆着你，叼念着你。这些年来，你的同学、好友，我们的亲友，也纷纷表示婉惜和敬意。前些天，惠昌、松茂还惦记着又提起你，芸芳、德莲更是一直关心着你，还寄来钱让我代买纪念品作祭礼。自然，这些都巳被我一一婉拒，并向她们表达了真诚的谢意。在这里，我就一并向你转告她们的心意。我还要告诉你，你深爱的国家日益昌盛、更加强大。你眷恋、牵挂着的家，儿辈工作努力、孝顺顾家，孙们学业进步、巳见长大。你就只管把心放下，继续保佑着我们大家。我今天不再重复赘述你的生涯，只简单禀报三年来的世间变化，诉说我们的心情、境遇，回答你所关心的、惦记的事宜和牵挂，并把这些写在一篇《三周年祭》文里。借它表达我们对恩人你的慰籍和敬意。下面我诵读《三周年祭》：

三周年祭

日月如梭，光阴似箭。

物转星移，已是三年。

目君离去，天旋地转。

离别千日，日夜思念。

神志恍惚，郁郁寡欢。

心神不宁，寢食难安。

闭门守灵，长噓短叹。

自君走后，灾害不断。

天灾未停，又生疫乱。

祸及各国，无能幸免。

病近三亿，死数佰万。

愈演愈烈，好不凄惨。

人人惧恐，谈疫色变。

不知何日，再回疫前。

幸得天佑，家人无染。

儿辈忙碌，终日不闲。

孙们求学，各有长短。

健康成长，诚如斯言。

现为防疫，各自为战。

互相勉励，共克时艰。

难见近邻，友朋疏远。

甚是心憔，眉难舒展。

心存郁结，常生哀怨。

想起以前，我们相伴。

而今自立，要独承担。

老骥扶枥，想有多难。

你是功臣，曾把家建。

历尽艰辛，未享安然。

每思及此，不免生憾。

现求安歇，莫再挂牵。

我们努力，争气争脸。

不负重托，不辜期盼。

来日相告，定如所愿。

疫情还在，难来陵前。

只好遥祭，实在抱歉。

想起陵园，浮想联翩。

留恋着你，思念永远。

夫 2021年12月14日

老伴啊，谢谢你！想你！疫情缓解以后条件允许，我由老大陪同，会时常来陵前看你，看我们的爸妈。老伴，安息吧！



说明

近日忙碌周年祭，

思来想去身心疲。

疫情限去陵墓前，

远程遥祭避群聚。

既祝故亲静安息，

又不扰友众子女。

还顾家人思亲愿，

形式祭文须新意。