Losing our patience
Autumn leaves piled up, My little arms and legs swim through, Cracking thrill of noise And lightly thrown, Maple brown and yellow and ochre.
Look up at the blue sky, A sea of wooden fingers, Waving slow, a brisk wind, Swaying the trees That stand sentry all around, watching.
Dad calls my name. He was waiting for me to turn, Ready to catch the baseball In my leather-webbed glove, Its scent blends with the chilly air.
As I throw it back I realize his tone was a little impatient. I wonder why he was sad. For that moment, it lingers.
It reminds me of other times When he lost his patience And he gets quiet, He hides himself while standing there, And happy air of a balloon wrinkles low.
This was one of our defining themes. Something bothers Dad, No matter how big or small, The result is the same, He goes within, I can't reach him.
I realize I live by this theme. We model what we feel From those closest to us, No matter how happy or sad, We are the same.
The choices I make In the most critical moments, I might lose my patience, I might get quiet, Hide in plain sight.
Or lose my mind, GODDAMNIT! When the customer service rep Says we have to visit a local bank branch To submit my power of attorney for my Dad. The closest branch is in IDAHO.
Then I talk with the supervisor. We work out some solutions to try While my Dad is in the hospital, While the leaves are falling Into piles in that park in Baltimore.
Our caregiver, L'Rae, tells me Dad fell asleep on the conference call. After the supervisor is done, My shaken heart urges one more thing, "Please tell your employee, I'm sorry for raising my voice."
- Alan, April 6, 2024.