Memories of TJ (Thomas Jason) Rafferty

Callahan Rafferty

2013, Catalina Island, California, USA

— with lil haus, littler haus and big haus

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Teena Martinez

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Teena Martinez

Tj, was my next door neighbor. I saw his smiling face every day and we became good friends. He was always... Read more Tj, was my next door neighbor. I saw his smiling face every day and we became good friends. He was always like uncle TJ to my ... Read more Tj, was my next door neighbor. I saw his smiling face... Read more

Louis Albarran

This is a great memory of TJ - great pic. Thanks very much for posting it! This is a great memory of TJ - great pic. Thanks very much for posting it! This is a great memory of TJ - great pic. Thanks very... Read more

Teena Martinez

Thanks Louis or Louie, I remember you. Yes, the car was so iconic and so Tj! My son Brooklyn wearing Tj’s... Read more Thanks Louis or Louie, I remember you. Yes, the car was so iconic and so Tj! My son Brooklyn wearing Tj’s shades! This sums up... Read more Thanks Louis or Louie, I remember you. Yes, the car... Read more

Dana & Teresa Getman

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Phoebe Blume

I miss you so much. You are always in my heart.
My love to your family and your friends, and all of the others who miss you. I am so sorry I didn't get this notification until now...

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Alice Dennie

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Alice Dennie

Thank you for your kind sentiments Phoebe! I am his sister - we all miss him terribly and it has been a very... Read more Thank you for your kind sentiments Phoebe! I am his sister - we all miss him terribly and it has been a very long year without... Read more Thank you for your kind sentiments Phoebe! I am his... Read more

Phoebe Blume

I am so grateful every day for having known him. He truly was a bright light in this world. I am so grateful every day for having known him. He truly was a bright light in this world. I am so grateful every day for having known him. He... Read more

Phoebe Blume

I miss him so much...his crazy phone calls while he walked his dogs, his stories about all he did. He was... Read more I miss him so much...his crazy phone calls while he walked his dogs, his stories about all he did. He was just so beautiful. Still... Read more I miss him so much...his crazy phone calls while he... Read more

Alice Dennie

To my baby brother TJ,

I know you must have felt the love pouring out of everyone at last night’s Celebration of Life, as it was clearly powerful enough to reach all the way to heaven and back. 💕❤️💕

We all had a wonderful time reminiscing with each other, reconnecting with long lost relatives and friends, and taking comfort in each other as we shared the stories of our deeply felt loss.

Those that didn’t directly know you commented on how cheated they felt that they didn’t have the privilege of ever meeting you. Those that were blessed to have known you commented on the immense impact you had on their lives.

I saw a little bit of you in every single person I interacted with - from the way they talked, to the way they moved, to the smile that would take over when remembering you. I seriously had to do a double-take multiple times throughout the night as I thought I caught a glimpse of you. Each time, it ended up being someone else, but I know you were there, enjoying it all right along with us.

On behalf of TJ’s entire family, I thank each and every one of you that were able to attend, and we also understand that so many more of you wanted to be there in person, but could only make it in spirit.

The entire time, I kept thinking of this song (copy/paste link to see the video)....it does a pretty good job of summing up my feelings about this event. Pictures of both events will follow soon.

❤️One love❤️
Alice

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v…

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Katie Suvada

2010, Los Angeles, CA, USA

Over my ongoing course of reflections about TJ, our times in Chicago, some in LA and communications, I found an email he sent me. Aug 3, 2010 (ironically)
10:03 pm titled ‘A Simpler Time’
I have cut and pasted it here. Enjoy.
Well…. Here we are.

Almost 35 years on this bluish green orb! Has it really been that long?

That means its been nearly 22 years since that first taboo sip of the old sauce… 28 years since my big brother taught me how to ski, and get this.. 18 years since the vivid and recent memories of high school became a thing of the past!

That’s 19 years since I finally solidified my overwhelming desire for the companionship of beautiful women.. or at the time I guess they were girls!

It is surreal to think about it in years… in numbers. All the memories seem to be vague reruns of some outdated sitcom. One where the main characters that you used to relate to now seem like obsurd cartoon cutouts… Overacting in every scene in order to get their message across to even the simplest of onlookers.

Times were simpler back in those days.. and dare I say “better”? See, we didn’t have all the distractions of modern teenagers. There was no internet, cell phones, or any way to instantly communicate with people. Such an idea would be preposterous to a kid in the mid 80s! Instead we would make meeting points and times. “meet me at the White Hen at 3 pm”. We would leave messages on answering machines to be heard hours or even days later but somehow everything seemed to work itself out. You were always where you were supposed to be with whoever you were supposed to be with.

Can you even imagine letting your 13 year old son or daughter go away with friends for a weekend doing god knows what without any way of contacting them until they eventually checked in. And what if you were on the phone when they did finally ring and happened to be tying up the line.. (There was no such thing as ‘call waiting’!) Yet when you get right down to the meat and potatoes of it… everything worked out. Life was easy.

And so it goes.

Nowadays everyone is in touch with everyone else at the touch of a button. It has even gotten to the point where if you send a text or an email to someone and they don’t respond immediately you get frustrated and begin concocting situations in your mind where the other party looked at his or her mobile device and consciously chose not to answer your call or inquiry. It seems we have spread ourselves to thin where the once sacred bond or friendship has become somewhat of a bother most of the time.

Just think! When we were kids (or at least younger) and we had a day at the beach with our friends or a night out to the movies it was an EVENT! I guess it was the time spent apart or at least not in constant contact that made us appreciate that moment to the fullest. I remember vividly going to Jaws 3 in 3D and St Elmo’s Fire with Don and Kurt but I could never tell you who I saw The Matrix with.

The world has tricked us into thinking everything is getting better.. that we’re so much more connected and in tune with the rest of society but I am slowly coming to realize that I was fortunate enough to be a member of what I have just decided to call “The Last Innocent Generation”.

Baseball was the American pastime and no one locked their doors. After dreaming of women throughout my prepubescent years I would be lucky to catch a rare glimpse of the real thing on a scrambled channel on our newly acquired cable box. Not until many years later did I see an actual pornographic movie and I must say that it frightened me a little.

We were living a slightly updated version of life in the 50s. White people dated white people and the occasional gay person was met with unexplained ridicule. They were something different from the norm.. (or at least what we learned on ‘happy days’) Families would take vacations together and sing songs and play the ABC game on the highway.. Try getting your kid to do either of these things today. Their head will be buried in their smart phone as they badmouth you to their friends and complain what a drag the family vacation is going to be to thousands of strangers.

I also feel like I constantly need to be doing something these days. What ever happened to reading a good book on the front porch? I wake up, clean the house, make the bed and if I have nothing to do I will go wash my car or re-arrange my closet. Granted this is probably more a symptom of my hereditary OCD than the changing of the times. However, I can not be comfortable doing “nothing”. Just think how much “nothing” we used to do!

“What did you do today Tommy”

“Nothin” (yet had actually done Everything he wanted to do without worrying about what to write about it later!)

How about the ridiculous courtship rituals we all went through? Being teased about a girl in school, then finally getting up the courage to ask her out. Borrowing the family wagon and going to the “Olive Garden” and a movie.. all the while being preoccupied with where you put your hand, or if you hold hers. A single romantic rose and a nice kiss goodnight on the front door step.. Not that much different from the way it was way back when. Now kids go out in packs and pair off in basements hoping they can live up to the ridiculous variety of stunts they have seen on the internet (whether you like it or not!) They have been catapulted into adulthood before they could experience that great “wonder years” time of their lives.. Those times are no longer my friends.

I could go on and on about “the good old days” and as I write this I can just imagine one of my nephews in 20 years talking about the innocent good old days of his youth!.. imagine what debauchery will be accepted as happenstance in that era! The world seemingly has changed drastically since I was coming up and to me that doesn’t seem to be so long ago..

All that being said and pondered I have convinced myself that we were much better off when we were simpletons… playing on the high school baseball team and going to pool parties engulfed our beings. Maybe a Saturday night bowling party or a drive out to the middle of nowhere to drink beers and listen to rock n roll. Think of that! We used to just drive out into the country where no other cars would have any business being, crank up the Led Zepplin, step out into the streets and drink “mickey’s big mouths” and use all of our experimental mojo to get a girl to take a long walk! And if the cops did show up they would simply take the beer for themselves or make us poor it out and send us on our way.

The more I think about it the more I feel sorry for the youth of today. They are all the star of their own show. Their whole lives have been documented and their every move is thoughtlessly put out there for the rest of the world to know and decipher.

Maybe, as they say, one day technology will surpass humanity. That day seems to be approaching much more rapidly than one would have thought just ten years ago.

But what are we to do? Our brains are too big. We have figured out how to put the world in the palm of every 12 year old while at the same time deeming acceptable what was once reprehensible.

And so it goes.

I often fantasize about moving to a remote area of the world where things are the same as they have been forever. Maybe the jungle or even just the deep south.. but I know myself better. I am a product of this shifting reality, hence I would go bat shit crazy in about a month.

I am in it and there is nothing I can do about it. As are you!

I guess all we can do is try to hold on the old traditions of our elders and put our own spin on them whilst we pass them down to our offspring hoping that some remnant of that same beautiful thing will exist in 100 years.

One funny side bar is that as technology has progressed I recently realized that whenever I listen to music it is usually out of an old record player! Pops, hisses and all. I had carried a dozen or so records from my childhood around with me for over a decade until I finally acquired a record player.. and MAN am I glad I held on to them! I have vivid memories of my brother singing Rocky Raccoon to me in our dining room when I was a tiny little red headed baby! I don’t know what it is but the music of that era just seems more honest or real or heartfelt. You don’t need tweeters and gold plated wiring to enjoy the best of the Doobie Brothers!

“In the future Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes” How true! And that seems to be the only aspirations these days.. no dreams of a two and a half car garage and a white picket fence.. The youth of today have been raised to think they are rock stars and their house should be nothing short of an MTV Crib.

Lets take the world back.. I think it starts with music. We will get rid of the whiney pop stars or today and replace them with blues guitarists and fun loving rockers.. singing about good times and bad times.. things everyone can relate to. If it wasn’t for bad luck I’d have no luck at all!

So it all comes back to time. When you are young time is all you have but one day you wake up and find your self trying to grab the precious moments like they are coins tossed off of a Mardi Gras float. The funny thing is that this “one day” occurs over several years…. It creeps up on you as you are living the same life you had become accustomed to until you suddenly realize you are your parent’s age! Even though this process takes many years, after the first wave, it comes on like a fever! As far as I can tell time moves faster with each passing day. When you finally take time to think about this it becomes a major factor in your life.. the same life you had been living carelessly just yesterday. Carpe Fucking Diem!

Maybe it’s just somewhat of a third life crises however I feel like I have touched on some real issues here. The funny thing is that I sat down to write a book called “Third Life Crisis” when I was 25…. So as I talk about it now I guess I am extending my life expectancy but I simply cant consider myself old enough to have a mid-life crisis!

Anyway, breath deep brothers and sisters for we have all been fortunate enough to have existed in a part of this great countries history that seems as if it came right out of a John Hughes film and there is no going back. I take no responsibility for what comes next.

Until then,

I remain,

As always,

Your loving brother, son or uncle,

Thomas J. Rafferty

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Ron Carter

Wow.... just WOW. :( Wow.... just WOW. :( Wow.... just WOW. :(

Jane MacAdam

Love this.... Love this.... Love this....

Phoebe Blume

I send all my love and peace to TJs family. He will always be a shining light in the memories of my kids and I. He taught them magic tricks and hacky sack and made us all laugh. I'm sorry we can't be at his service, but my heart is with you. Love, Phoebe

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BILLY SCHEFFLER

Unfortunately, I'll be out of town for the memorial.But TJ will be greatly messed. One of my favorite memories with him is going out to the bar and pretending that we were vacationing from Ireland and that he was my uncle.

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Rick Lee

2016, Hollywood, Los Angeles, CA, USA

Saturday night, those of us in Los Angeles will have the opportunity to gather in remembrance of our brother, T.J. Rafferty.
I recently dug up this pic from a few years back, one that I snapped on my phone the afternoon that T.J. called me up and told me to be ready, as he was about to have his chauffeur buddy pick us up in a classic stretch limousine, and drive us around Hollywood like a couple of retro rock stars.
I realized right away that there would be no need to even bother consulting my calendar to know that I had nothing on my agenda that would be remotely as much fun as knocking back a couple of sodas with T.J. Rafferty while gliding along Sunset, ensconced in the vintage luxury of a long Lincoln limo.
Coincidentally, soon after embarking on our Tinsel Town Land Yacht Tour, we fairly abruptly rolled up alongside rock star drummer Zak Starkey, albeit briefly, before he roared away down the boulevard in whatever insanely exotic shiny machine he was commandeering at the time (Bugatti, maybe…?).
That’s just how it was with T.J.: living in the moment, seizing the available opportunities, Here and Now. I feel so fortunate that I was able to join in on some of the adventures that T.J. shared so generously with so many of us. I’m also now sadly regretful for the times when I was too far away, or otherwise occupied, and unable to partake on those occasions when T.J. rang me up in spur-of-the-moment fashion. Regretful because, like too many of the most talented and charismatic rock stars, T.J. exited the stage way too early in the tour.
T.J. was inclusive. If the prospect of spending a holiday weekend all alone in the big city was looming large on the horizon because one’s significant other happened to be on a different continent at the time, there was no need to worry if T.J. happened to be putting on one of his elaborate culinary spreads. Even though his apartment would be full of interesting, creative, beautiful people, there would be a place at the table--T.J. would make room.
There would be a plethora of musical instruments to bang on, and even a rich assortment of vinyl records spinning on an honest-to-God analog turntable, a rare treat. Of course, there would be at least a couple, if not a few, energetic, slobbery dogs, eager to be embraced.
I miss those occasions now. I miss hanging with T.J. in the dim but familiar comfort of The Kibitz Room on Fairfax. On Wednesday nights, T.J. would sometimes rally uninitiated generations to gather in the cozy and legendary L.A. bastion of musical entertainment, old-school cocktails, and delicatessen delicacies, to experience and enjoy the vocal stylings of his neighbor Tina, who has held court there weekly for decades.
I remember commuting to work on many occasions with T.J. There would be interesting conversation—stories about Chicago, woes with women, and a lot of discussions about music and musicians.
I’ll of course never forget the night that T.J., his nephew Nick, and I enjoyed a jam session the night before reporting to a gig on which we were all booked. The client had arranged for suites in one of those extended-stay type hotels furnished with pots, pans, and all manner of implements intended for the preparation of food. We were keenly aware that, in a few hours, we would all have to rise very early, put on suits and ties and point cameras at corporate CEOs wearing much nicer suits and ties as they soberly addressed their shareholders. Even so, there were currently kitchen utensils within easy reach, begging to be repurposed as percussion instruments to accompany our strummings on acoustic guitars, and T.J.’s soulful wailing on his blues harmonica.
Once the new day was breaking and the cameras were rolling, though, the technical directors could count on T.J. to snap into action and perform any gyrations necessary to transform even the most mundane of presentation content into an interesting production. His artistic wizardry behind the lens made it so much easier for his collaborators to shine.
T.J. Rafferty was truly the epitome of a Renaissance Man: poet, songwriter, musician, visual artist, chef, so many other things--but, most of all, a true friend.

It still does not seem real when I wake up and realize that “Haus” is no longer here with us.

One Love, Thomas Jason Rafferty.

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Eric Pace

2006, Crown Point, IN, USA

One love haus- TJ reached out by telephone and said- you are going to get a call in 5 minutes, just say "yes" and hung up. 1 minute later some guy calls me from NBC and said that he heard from my friend TJ Rafferty that i was a great camera man and would i be available tomorrow morning at 630am and for the next 3 days to shoot the US Open at Cog Hill in Lamont IL. - mind you i have never touched a professional video camera in my life...

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Ouch Chourp

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Eric Pace

Hey Ouch, I hope all is well with you. Today is so hard hitting and I am amazed how life works sometimes.... Read more Hey Ouch, I hope all is well with you. Today is so hard hitting and I am amazed how life works sometimes. I miss you
"Do you... Read more Hey Ouch, I hope all is well with you. Today is so... Read more

Noah Gray

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Noah Gray

Lost for words, you were my big brother! I’ll miss you! I’ll never be without you. Hope you found peace we... Read more Lost for words, you were my big brother! I’ll miss you! I’ll never be without you. Hope you found peace we love you. Lost for words, you were my big brother! I’ll miss ... Read more

VideoBob Johnson

I still can't believe it. One of the coolest guys I've known.

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Kathy Walden

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Teena Martinez

T.J. was so big in spirit! He got to know my mother and son and was kind! This guy was young but so worldly! I loved his soul! He will live on in my memories forever! We love you Tj! He always made it a party with music and food! So generous! He took pictures of everyone! So much talent! Too soon to be lost!

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