As of today, it's been a year. As one does with anniversaries, I've been thinking about her and her passing a lot.
1. All we have is today. Yesterday is a dream, tomorrow is a promise with no guarantee. Tell them how you feel about them. All we have is today.
2. I don't like the band Weezer nearly as much as I might've led her to believe.
3. Estate planning. Get a living will, establish power of attorney for someone, beneficiaries to your bank accounts and other financials, and if you own a house, look into a Transfer on Death deed.
4. No one knows what to say to someone when they've lost someone. It's all right, I understand. Just know, I understand you're sorry for my loss, and I know she was special. You can still say it, because no one knows what to say. You can also say nothing, but I still know you're thinking it. There's no winning in this, which is not fair, but nothing about this is. So say what you want to say, even if it feels empty, and if God forbid you're on the receiving end, let them say what they want to say, even if you've heard it a dozen times already.
5. Things hit different now, part 1: I have a short list of songs that are dangerous for me to listen to while driving, because it's hard to see where you're going when you're crying.
6. I'm much less patient with traffic nowadays. There are a couple reasons I can think of: I have unresolved anger from my wife being taken away too soon that is coming out in a string of sarcasm and profanities directed at Houston drivers, or I instinctually try to be a calming force when people around me are scared and angry and now there's no one else in the car yelling at traffic for me to balance against.
7. Things hit different now, part 2: I cried at Sing 2. If you know, you know.
8. She was the best part of me. I will elaborate: so much of what I did, good habits I had, tiny acts of kindness or generosity or bravery, they were all to impress her, or make her proud of me, or so that she would think I was cool. I felt like I had to be deserving of her love. I knew I never would be, but that's not the point: it's about the effort, the journey.