Sweet Sophie, yesterday, it was a day harder than I imagined it could be, I attended a visitation for a young man who took his life, feeling hopeless and seeing no other way to end the pain he was in. It kills me inside. His mother could not bare to be there, her child was gone from this earth and yet she was left here to sort through it, trying to make sense of something that will never make sense, and find some will to keep going when everything inside her tells her she is dead too. 

You were a beautiful light, you felt deeply, you loved fully, every day I miss those same wonderful things that you and my Emily shared with the world. I pray, if it is indeed a doable thing for you, that you’ll comfort your family. The closest thing that I can imagine hell on earth to be, is living on it without your child.

I love you precious girl!💛

My sweet baby, Sophie, came into this world as a fiery redhead with compassion for all and a wise soul that others depended on for understanding and hope.  Sophie told me one day after Seminary that they were studying spiritual gifts and that she had decided to study King Solomon and work on the gift of wisdom. I reminded her what her name meaning was....Wisdom and so she with mighty vigor asked to gain more wisdom. Life became difficult for many years and she yearned to understand more. Then the pain became too much to bear.💔

The day she died tore me in half. Never to view this world the same again. I miss her every single day and ache for her loving hugs. She sincerely adored all her siblings and took being the oldest seriously. Always looking for ways to show each of them love. 

I don't know how to make this shattered heart of mine repaired. Suicide is a subject that has shame attached to it which makes it more isolating and difficult to grieve with others until we end the stigma and the Christian false belief that those that choose for themselves to graduate from this earth are damned to hell. 

The love of a mother endures for all of time. This hurts just to type out. Missing her walking in the door at home and feeling the peace she has with her. I love you Sophia. I miss you beyond words.