I'd like to keep the good times at the forefront of our thoughts about my dad, but I also want to acknowledge the pain and addiction that has taken so many in this family, and all over our country. I don't want to hide the fact that drug and alcohol abuse has been used to cope with trauma and taken the life of my father. All I wanted was a sober relationship with him, and I'll never know if we could have had that now. He had recently started therapy trying to understand and cope with his anxiety. You don't change unless you want to, no one else can make you. It happens only when the user is ready. It took him 54 years to start, but he did try to make a turn around. He had struggled with health problems for many years as well, and was taking steps to live healthier. He researched what foods were better to eat than others, and he ate a lot of cucumbers in the last year or two. He loved cucumbers and one of our last moments together was sharing cucumber slices with a bowl of soup. We were talking about our relationship together and it made me so hopeful, I was so happy thinking we could work together.