Nila Bender Kyser, PhD was born in Madison, Wisconsin. She was the oldest child to Walter and Marion Thompson Nelson. Nila started her K-8 education in a one room schoolhouse. Nila’s childhood love of reading was a prominent feature of her identity that she enjoyed and developed throughout her life.   Her early life was marked by country living, being one of four siblings on a farm. She met her first husband, Donald Bender, the father of her three sons Keith, Scott, and Joel in Madison, Wisconsin. She enjoyed retelling of their initial meeting, of Nila’s being in a hospital bed. In the 12th grade, Nila had experienced a minor car accident, and was being visited by spirited young friends in the hospital. Among these friends was a young man who noticed and appreciated Nila’s beautiful legs, and Don Bender and Nila subsequently dated, attended the University of Wisconsin together, and married. This relationship took Nila with Don to live in Chicago where Don earned his PhD from Northwestern. Later, Nila and Don lived in San Jose, CA while Don was a professor and Nila a mother of young children. As a young family, this time included academic and anthropological research while living in Nigeria, Africa. Tragedy struck while on vacation during the Christmas holidays off the cliffs of Big Sur California, when 5 year old Scott fell off the rocks into the wild waters. In trying to save his son, Don also tragically drowned. Nila who was caring for newborn Joel, was alerted by then 7-year-old Keith, ran to the ocean to try to help, alas to no avail. Nila, suffering the deaths of her husband and middle son, had decisions to make. Nila steadfastly took the road less traveled; she turned back to books. Nila decided to go back to school and earn a Phd in education at the University of Minnesota. This path led her to becoming a professor at the University of California, Riverside. She taught classes in childhood development. She later worked for the State of California at the Fairview Hospital. Her later career brought her to a post doctoral program where she became a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Costa Mesa. Today, her son Keith lives in Southern California, and her son Joel (wife Rita) lives in Westchester County, NY. Despite the challenges of widowhood and having sole responsibility for raising her two remaining sons while working, Nila always enjoyed an active social life. One of these social activities led Nila to a party enjoying hot tub moments. It was one of these parties - with fun hot tub moments- where she met her now predeceased husband Bob Kyser. Joel was in junior high school when Bob and Nila started their dynamic relationship. Nila and Bob were active members of many clubs and organizations in the Costa Mesa Newport Beach area, notably the Balboa Ski Club and associated tennis and running and later bridge clubs. By the time Joel was in 9th grade, Bob had moved in, and shortly thereafter Nila and Bob were married. Nila treasured her 40-year-relationship with Bob, and had hundreds of notable adventures with him, giving and attending social events, cruising, rv’ing, working hard and enjoying the vicissitudes of life. Still, throughout all of Nila’s life, a book was always close to her hands, ready to be read. Nila was a member of multiple book clubs and reading was a great source of interest, comfort, relationship and joy for her. Nila’s unexpected passing, while peaceful, brings a great absence to many of our lives. Nila is survived by many treasured friends, by her sister Carmen and brother in law Dave of Napa, CA, her brother Jeff of Wisconsin, her sons Keith Bender of Southern California and Joel (Rita) Bender of New York, and by Bob’s two children Linda (Matt) and Bob. Nila was most proud of her two grandsons, Noah and Evan Bender, who are both book loving students at the University of Chicago.

While floral remembrances are lovely, the family would appreciate token financial contributions in memory of Nila for her grandsons, funds which will go directly toward book expenses while at college. Or, as Nila fully supported women's and human rights, Oxfam as an organization would be an appropriate gift site in her name. A special word of thanks to Suzanne G, Ann P, Lucygne & Richard A, Shirley & Greg and other friends who are helping to coordinate Nila’s Memorial. We look forward to gathering together on 3/19. RSVP required.

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